Holiday's greeting

My friends, Happy holiday wherever you are!!

And, of course "Marry" Xmas.... OMG... My subconscious really wants to marry me off... unless, I shall marry Xmas? 8-O lol

Back to 空空

On my second iteration to get down to Valentine's day of 2008 again.... this round... trying to do some editing and, hopefully, dumping more texts out...

So I came across my 空空 post.... with its last sentence as following:

"Lord, is this the sign that I am gonna go 空空 noch ein mal..."

I burst out laughing (sometimes all that one has is a ggod laugh, I guess)... because, although I hate to be right, unfortunately, I am often right and that sentence-- bull's eye.

And, it goes without saying... I'd rather to have been wrong.  My.. oh... my... (So said the weather man-- Oh.. My sunset.. Oh.. My sunrise- from an internal story- not yet time- not yet visited- not yet told)

Birthday

I woke up all happy because it is my birthday today.

I don't know what I am happy about but I have been just so happy (better than the alternative, I guess)...

Or, ever since I have not been depressed, I have been walking around pneumocephalically happily with a idiotic smile anyways because I am not depressed? lol

Coincidentally, yours usually have nothing to do got lunch meeting and dinner meeting scheduled in one day...

My friend Lucy happened to come back to Taipei to visit from Shanghai-- she bought me food and drink and offered to draw illustrations for my book.

The just so happen also my birthday cake.

Another family friend has a birthday on Thursday while his family decided to celebrate it today.... making his birthday party actually for my birthday.

So--

I didn't do too much work at all today and didn't even get to do my share of exercise for the day.

I still can't shake that dissociated feeling of the reality being a galaxy away, which could mean- me being overdosed again.

Yet, I happily enjoyed a nice birthday, pneumocephalically happy as usual- Parsifal grade, with a just so happen also my birthday cake! 8-O lol

Hopefully there is something true in what they say...

Maybe life is finally turning around and I have done my share of minorly inconvenient days...

Happy birthday!  Wherever you are!  

That'd be nice- you all share my happiness!

Revisited: Down with Meds

I finally finished revisitingd Down with Meds-- ending my journey with 歡喜就好 (As long as you are happy).

The journey to go through it can not compete with the journey to go through it... Yet, still feel ouch ouch ouch... as I was plowing away trying to get done with it before I start working next week to make a penny or two... since I won't be able to dedicated all my time in it afterwards.

Right now... I am feeling this strange feeling in my chest... almost like a black hole-- sore-- ouch ouch ouch-- psychosomatization it is...

Yet, the good thing is...  now the shaping of the book has finally formed and I finally can see the tunnel although I have no idea when I will be able to see the light.

Would like to go visit St. John now except for it is 13 hour time differences apart.  A bit to far.... Annoying... I want to go to St. John.

Finally... here I go again...

Been waiting for this song to appear as I am plowing away in the dungeon of my own words... 8-X lol

And Here I go again... a song with some interesting meaning to my life so far...

Good day and good night!

Ordinary world

Time and again... I come back to this song... a song for you... and a song for the yester-me, too....(thank God that I am almost done going through my verbal diarrhea in the Down with Meds era... up to Jan. 22, 2008 now... too many words... I did it to myself... 8-X lol)

Department of Homeland Security

I have been making some progress shaping the book with my biggest accomplishment as shrinking the scope to as small as I can.

Still has a lot of room to move since I have only dumped out quite a small portion of my verbal diarrhea- gotta learn from my moving experiences and that for getting the dissertation out. 8-X

I was going to get rid of all materials related to the Department of Homeland Security because it has nothing to do with my health problems, and, come on-- it ain't no nothing to be bragging about the fact that I lived in the US for 13-14 years and still without a green card or even an H1-B....  8-O lol

Then, waking up in the morning, I had this moment of clarity.

All things can be thrown out--including all them writings trying to impress people with whatever I might know--- What a brag.

The DHS has to stay because, in addition to health, it was one of the main theme running through years of loading and reloading whether I like to admit to this reality or not.

And, while... I am nobody to the Department of Homeland Security..... again... really sounds like 單戀... no wonder I can't find a husband. because... oh, my DHS... wherever I am... you have my heart... ;-) 8-O lol

Yet another time when I dedicate this song to you... xoxoxo

(Sometimes I wonder whether I shall try to find a guy working at the DHS to get married to after serenading the DHS for all these years... perhaps... that's where my husband has been hiding at... Hello, hello, Husband, here I am!! 8-O lol)

Water Buffalo and yellow cattle

I have this vivid image in my mind...

My grandpa came up the slope accompanied by his yellow cattle (黄牛) which was pulling the wagon.

For the longest time, I somehow thought, well, since the rice field is watery and yellow cattle worked in the rice field, yellow cattle (黄牛) is the same as water buffalo (水牛).  Only to realize yesterday that water buffalo is not yellow cattle.

So I asked my mom about my grandpa's cow... the one I remembered...

My mom replied, "That one was yellow cattle.  You can't use water buffalo to farm the paddy fields because water buffalo love playing with water and, as a result, would not want to work."  8-O

台灣黄牛

I had no idea how valid my mom's statement was--- my uncle who really did quite a bit of farming might know better... lol

Yet, I took her words for it.

Regardless, my grandpa's cow looked like the yellow cow in the pictures... or maybe the color was a bit darker...

台灣水牛

And, after googling around, I found this picture where a Taiwanese water baffulo was plowing away in the rice field...

Wait a minute... ain't that Mr. water buffalo working working hard in the paddy field?

Guess my mom is wrong...  lol

Cow's stomach

Up to early today, I had the firm belief that a cow has 9 stomachs only to realize a bit earlier that cows actually have 4 stomachs (or, more exact, 4 chambers in the stomach)... not 9... What happened to the other five? 8-O

I absolutely have no idea where I got the number "9" from...

No problem... haven't I told you so many million and a time that I am a defectory fool. 8-O lol

And, ain't it nice to learn something new everyday if not unlearning the wrong?!

Your suggestions wanted

Been working really hard trying to get a book out of Ratology ever since I, out of nowhere, got sick on Black Friday, again, which makes it two years in a row to feel dead sick on Black Friday.

There are three reasons why I really want to get the book out:

1. So that everyone I know would know that I am psychotic, neurotic and a smoker. 
2. So that I can come up with a publication of some sort- to sort of filling the blank for the recent "yester-years."
3. Most importantly, I kept on having this delusional belief that I have to get this book out to unstuck my life.

At first, I was not quite sure why anyone in the right mind would want to buy a book with a whole lot of contents readily available to the public.  Yet, after I went back to read my own reading, I found myself a reason... because there were too many words and too much junk in between... 8-X

So far, I have changed the table of contents a million and a time- with the scope of the book getting smaller and smaller, which is a good time based on lessons I learned from my dissertation.  Not to mention that, if nobody wants to publish the book, I will simply do self-publication, and, based on my experiences with my dissertation, the fewer words, the fewer pages, and, the cheaper it is to print the book out.  8-O lol

Although part of me can't help asking this question, "Is it a good idea to publish a book like this before I secure a job?"  Keep it real.  Don't even know whether I can sell more copies of the book than my last book called dissertation.  Something less than 10 copies sold.  lol

Although I hardly get anyone to come to this blog based on google stats, and, one of the postings people landed on most frequently nowadays is No comment, would love to hear from you on what this book could be other than showing me your "no comment" by visiting the "no comment" post (I get visits to the "No Comment post almost every other day- a post which I can't even locate myself in the dungeon of Ratology Reloaded-- at least, not until I did a google search using the keyword "No comment ratology"). lol

Thanks.

Ratprincess