Da Poor girl

Actually, I did not want to look back...

I was going to wait till I am 90 something years old to finally look back...

I wanted to think of some lessons I learned based on what I could recall in this vacuous head...

Then, I got my writing all into Nvivo...

Unfortunately, one code after another to code, to uncode and to recode... until I came across this writing not too long after all documents were imported...

"You can't pretend the outcome without going through the motion..."

Ended up, I went back to read about the process of becoming... to who I am at this point and time.

I resisted going back to Down with Meds... until... finally just now...

As I visited Ratprincess in September 2005...

Man... poor girl... Why are you doing it to yourself?  Trying to prove no nothing to no avail?

How sad... really 悲情的凍沒條 (can't stand it kinda sad la!) 8-O lol

And, I thought... only if I could go back in time to tell you to stop...

Then, it occurred to me....

Oops...

So people had me told... you are blah blah blah enough...

Did I listen?

No...

And, perhaps, I would never have listened until I was grounded and hit the floor..... 8-O 8-X lol

Perhaps, and, again... "You can't pretend the outcome without going through the motion..." 8-X lol

On a second thought, well... ain't it always the case... 20 20 hindsight and... won't be me here without having been who I was right?   At least, now I could say that... been there, done that... did me not too much good anyways.... lol

At the same time... what if me reading me at this point 10 years from now on... OMG... Would it be... 悲情的凍沒條? 8-O lol