Saturday, September 4, 2010

What you have to do in Shanghai or China: 足浴 Foot bath

One thing I love the most during my trip... among all other things... is.. 足浴.. foot message or foot bath.



It apparently is something very common in China.. or Shanghai, at least...

For some people, it might sound like 蜀犬吠日... so they say... in 四川 province, there are a lot of clouds and often foggy... at least some part of the province, I guess... it is so rare for doggies to see the sun in the sky that doggies would bark at the sun.

In other words, though there is nothing new under the sun... It is the sun itself that is new?!  Well, interesting.....

Back months ago, when I was in New York, I started doing foot soaking, especially after I was going through the insomnia resulting from the dosage change of Seroquel...  I would add Epson salt and, sometimes, essential oils to the water.  And, I found out that foot soaking really help me falling asleep.

Some days, I would be knocked down so well that I would think I might have taken Seroquel already since Seroquel has also been serving me as sleeping aids due to its sedating effect for all these years.

When I was in Shanghai, my brother in law took me to do foot bath or 足浴.

At the beginning of the session, they would let you soak your feet in some kind of water... with ingredients such as milk or herbs... depending on the where you go.  While you are soaking your feet, they would give you a message on your upper body followed by foot message.

After my trip to Seoul, due to circumstances, by the time I got to Shanghai, my body was in a-piece-of-crab kind of state.  Not only did I have some really bad flu/cold symptoms... knocking me down the entire day the second day I arrived in Shanghai... My back and knees conditions were both in a really bad shape.

My walking was so not very normal that my brother-in-law coined it the "八家將" style.... (please see the following clip for an example of the "八家將" style... interestingly... does have some resemblance... 8-O lol)



In any case, the first time I tried out 足浴 or foot bath was the day after I was struck down by upper respiratory problem and stayed in bed the entire day.  After the 90-minute session, miraculously, I was able to walk better and it was much easier to climb one stair or two--- although my much-easier-state was still consider very八家將 to the others.... 8-O lol   In addition,  at the end of the session, I suddenly started really productive coughs and was able to get rid of much mucus (oops, too much information...)

So, during my stay, I did a few more times of 足浴 or foot bath... with the last time the night right before my departure day...

When the lady was messaging my feet, at some point, I felt her hand stroking on some interesting knots under my feet, I asked her what that was... Apparently, that was the region associated with sleeping problem... She kept on working on that area and... in no time... I was sleepy.. and, that night, I had the best sleep I have ever had for a while.... still so sleepy when I was on the Maglev on the way to the Pu-dong airport (thank God I was awake enough to not get onto the wrong plane... 8-O lol)

Moreover, the time before landing, when the plane started to decrease its altitude has always been a killer if I felt under the weather upon boarding.  Although I did feel sort of uncomfortable when the airplane was landing in Taipei, it was so much better than my trip from Korea to Shanghai... for 20-30 minutes... my ears hurt, my head hurt and I though my head was about to explode... ouch...

In addition, despite the fact that I have been sick to the state that I feel lethargic all over, my body movement has gotten such much better and that luggage of mine also appeared less burdensome to manage.

Although there is no scientific basis, I suspect these changes might have something to do with the foot bath experiences... As a result, perhaps, from now on, I shall go for a foot bath/message session if I have to get on to an airplane while feeling under the weather. 8-O lol
 
Except for... so my sister had me told... foot bathing is so much more expensive in Taiwan... comparing to that in Shanghai...  In that case, I would simply get back to do my at-home-spa treatment called foot soaking... I guess..

In Shanghai, the price might range between 10-20 US dollars for a 60-90-minute session.  This is something I would strongly recommend shall you be interested in taking a trip to Shanghai or China in general.

Friday, September 3, 2010

An Ode to 粉絲 (fans)

Recently, I was granted this fabulous chance to join the 粉絲團 or fan club of my pretty boy... 張根碩... (OMG... yum... yum... 8-O lol)

It's been gazillion years since the last time I was a die hard fan of someone who doesn't even have a clue about my existence.... Ya... I still remember vaguely how, decades ago, I was so crazy about da beautiful boy called George Michael.... (OK... Come on... that boy used to be really really hot... though I haven't followed up since decades... 8-O 8-X lol)

Essentially, what I have been going through is nothing but the recapitulation of teenage... I guess... (and, if teenage could be relive again... I hope... new teeth, too... 8-X 8-O lol)

The psychology of being a 粉絲 of some public kinda figure is a strange one...

It is a real one-way street... unless you are one of the "lucky few"....

You know of them... you can declare your affection towards them... you can even go crazy for them... doing things such as skipping your mid term waiting in front of their house only to see them... but they have no idea at all about your existence...

To them... you are only one of the billion 粉絲...

Yet, everyday... you search and search... for more and more information on the object of your affection... You even join in with the others... those sharing the same kind of passion towards the object of affection. (Sounds like the thing starting with the letter o... 8-O lol)

At the beginning, you might start from liking them as the character of some theatrical production... during the process of information research... You try to learn everything about him... Revisit each every trace he left...

"OMG... He is coming to Taipei!" You exclaim and you want to share your joy with the entire world.... with the same amount of excitement you had when your once-upon-a-time or real-life significant other first fly into town to pay you a visit.

At some point, you eventually come to realize... Oh... this man actually might be someone totally different from who I thought he was... based on the storyline of the drama you are drawn into.... And, you say to yourself... oops... 8-O lol

Regardless, you are in love... You make the person your boy friend, your husband, and your whatever... 

You even want to tell the entire world about this love of your life.... announce it!

You might blush speaking of him.... or not...

You even get sad, upset, and even jealous when you see your man with another woman... 

"Why does he hang around with that woman?  It is not like she is all that..." 8-O lol

Evolutionarily, it also doesn't quite make sense...

Well, the wish to find someone cute and well-to-do... a tendency beneficial to the offspring.... 

Yet, the devotion of someone who doesn't know jack about your existence... seems to be evolutionarily unfounded.... 

This is something yours relatively veteran delusional couldn't even comprehend....

Yet, so they say....

"Fans are very futile...  They might love you to death today but marry another man tomorrow."

Comparing to the object of affection who doesn't even have a clue about the existence of the individual 粉絲, I guess it is absolutely legitimate for 粉絲團 to proudly admit that... la donna e mobile?!  8-O lol



Speaking of which... seeing my husband always with another younger and cuter girl in public... I am wondering now when I will be ready to denounce him as my ex-husband.... 8-O lol

Anyways, so I decided to search and search for a readily available clip showing the overzealous fans... Unfortunately, most of the clips show only the object of affection rather than the 粉絲團.... Following is a short clip I got from the Korean drama 原來是美男(미남이시네요) showing the 粉絲 spirit or the spirits of the fans....  


An Ode to all 粉絲 in the world... regardless your object of affections...

To Expo or not to Expo... That's the question...

I must have mentioned to you before... What I saw most in the World Expo was... people.... What I did most there was waiting in line....

The people mountain people sea (人山人海) in the World Expo in Shanghai... and for some pavilions... hours of waiting in line... 

Like what a friend of mine had put it, it takes longer time to wait in line than to fly directly to the country... for instance... it took me 2 hours to fly from Seoul, Korea to Shanghai... but it could take you 3,4 hours to get into the Korean Pavilion... Similarly, it took me less than 2 hours to ge from Shanghai back to Taipei... It would have taken me more than 2 hours to get the ticket to Taiwan Pavilion.... Also... might as well travel around in Taiwan now that I am seeing Taipei 101 everyday..... 8-O lol



Korean Pavilion
Yours truly, of course, like many others, took the strategy called visiting only the pavilions without or with only short lines....

Uzbekistan Pavilion
Moreover, even the small pavilions with shorter or no line were crowded with people... which made it pretty difficult to see much...



I did not have the courage, not to mention the strength, to even attempt the path towards the Saudi Arabia pavilion...  Please be reminded... what you see below is only a "small fraction" of the line for the Saudi Arabia pavilion.

All these people in these pictures were waiting in line for the Saudi Arabia Pavilion. The sigh said... over 5 hour waiting time. In reality- on a day when I almost got heat stroke (and perhaps really got it since I was so overcome by my expo experiences that I stayed in all day the second day) and almost passed out due to the heat--- provided me being sick already- these people in the picture had to wait over 6 hours to get in. According to hearsay, it took some people 9 hours to get in.  Such dedication... I have to say... heroic....


Only about 3 hours after I arrived, I had already thrown the white towel in to the world expo.

Sitting on the bench underneath the overpass, feeling the cold water sprinkling down, and in my vacuous head, I must be thinking... too hot, too humid, I am getting sick and I am feverish..... I am about to pass out... Oh, Lord...

Perhaps, also pondering about the clouds overcasting the sky of Pu-Xi... when are you gonna rain down?  God... please let it rain down.... (and, it finally did rain down.  9-10 o'clock in the evening when I finally made it back to my brother in law's...  finally back to the comfort of the AC-ed living room... sipping my water... waiting for the leading character of my life to show up.... and it poured.  Guess my wish really was granted except for quite a few hours too late... 8-O lol)



Back to 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon... just when yours truly-- the self-proclaimed determined disabled and sick traveler-- was there self-pitying while staring at them crowds in awe... gotta be really hot in there.... body heat and stinky sweat.... while still over 6 hours to go.... My God... some real dedication.... I would not be able to survive it for even 5 minutes... 3 minutes... or maybe not even 30 seconds..

It was then when I heard commotion...

You see, even the military were brought in to manage the waiting lines, which were actually were physically divided into sections.

When the time comes for people to move from one segment to the next, the soldiers lined up, arm in arm, building a line or a wall, at the front of the crowd... moving one step at a time in unity... to prevent the crowds from pushing etc and causing accidents.  Over the air, they kept on broadcasting... "Don't push... Don't push...."

I had intended to take video clips of the scene except for... my head was already moving slow and my body moved even slower... All that I had caught was a picture that shows the "outcome" of the event... People already arriving at the next "benchmark"... Continuing to wait...




Days later, as I continued to speak to people about the amazing dedication I observed and my cowardliness, someone told me that... so they said in the news... a lot of people really got heat stroke and needed ER services... (oops... the problem of watching soap opera only but not news... 8-O 8-X)

This was when it clicked... something else I heard in the broadcast over the air... something like... "Your health is very important."

So... I did make it to stay at the Expo for over 8 hours... when I eventually move from zone A, B to section C.... where pavilions for England, America, France, Germany... etc... reside... Though I was already in a state when I was not even sure whether I could make it home in one piece... let along taking any picture.... You might as well check the official website of World Expo for professional photography.... 

Before I went to the World Expo, people had me told... this is an event that is... "不去可惜,去了後悔".. essentially, you will regret it whether you go or not... 

Yet, those who have been there also insisted that I should go to the expo since I would be in Shanghai anyways...

After I went to the world expo, I fully came to grasp the essence of the comment... "不去可惜,去了後悔"..

I suppose, like many other things in life... it is better to have lived than to ponder what it would have been like should I have been there and lived it...

Sort of like... das dasein could be declared or made understood but such attempts could never fully recapitulate the dasein itself...

Also, sort of like... 어떡하죠 如何是好 What should I do?....

In addition, some times I wonder... the day I went to the expo, there were supposed to have been something over 400 thousand people at the expo site as well...  Perhaps... within those hours, I might have encountered Chinese coming from all provinces and special area/districts... Well, a kind of added value... so to speak...

Maybe... had I not been sick and disabled, provided there were not over 400000 people in the event and it did not feel like 120 degree on the outside... I would have given you a different story and I might have come up with the same conclusion I overheard as I was struggling to get to the bus stop on my way home...

"What a wonderful and fruitful day!" So said this young lady, perhaps on high heels, to her companions while yours truly was dragging herself one step at a time trying to prevent the feverish me from throwing up in public or from scaring people by the disgusting sound I make when trying to get mucus out (you know that sound....... 8-O lol)

Yet, same event, same environmental condition.... How could the perception be so drastically different between the grunpy old me and da youthful beauty?

Perhaps, the confounding variable... my fortunately unfortune circumstances?  And, looking at the bright side, maybe it was these fortunately unfortunate circumstances that would make this visit memorable-- otherwise... in 10 years... it might simply be... ya... that world expo... think I might have been there before but mostly forgotten? 8-O lol

The one-day visit to the world expo does have its repercussion....

Days after, a friend of my brother-in-law told me that she might be able to get me into the Saudi pavilion through "VIP" kinda entrance...  thinking of the people mountain people sea in the Shanghai heat... and the fact that I took the entire day off the second day after overcome by the expo.... I couldn't not even imagine myself revisit the place again...

In addition, my brother-in-law found out later that his wife's sister-in-law is coming to Taipei for a concert... though, unfortunately, with THAT woman... (Is that jealousy?  OMG... God.. I have sinned... Also, ok.. this is a dream or illusion... not delusion... 8-O lol) The thought of having to be in the "people mountain people sea" already scares the hell out of me... not to mention that tickets might have already been sold out....

Yet, if you happen to be going to Shanghai before the closing of the World expo and would like my opinion on whether to attend the event or not...

My comment would be... the world expo is an event that is... "不去可惜,去了後悔".  However, personally, I believe it is better to regret about having been there than regretting about not even know what to regret about.... (sounds like some real run-on sentence... 8-O lol)

Sort of like... if you have never experience 어떡하죠.... regardless how well the lyrics describes 어떡하죠.... you would still not really understand 어떡하죠- 如何是好- What should I do?.... I guess... Also, just because I tell you that it had always been a tiring and futile event for me to be in love or in a relationship, considering my single status... does it mean that you will then never be in love or be in a relationship? 8-O 8-X lol

What is my style

Can't stop pondering now...

Shall my verbal diarrhea account for some kind of style... was ist das?

Perhaps... style?

Sitting here trying to recover from the trophy of my trip... Bronchitis... (Now I am feeling better... thought I had gotten the bird flu when I was even sicker like a dying doggie....)  The mucus so thick and sticky that one could use it as crazy glue... (oops... really disgusting... lol)

Since I am here so "賢慧" (閒在家裡什麼都不會).... not even having enough energy to start making some money again... might as well start seriously working on a book with my ratological existence as the content since many people seem to have a good laugh about the past... sort of like... dark comedy-- I guess?  8-O lol sigh

For instance, this old friend heard about how I got to be in this piece-of-crap" kind of condition--- because I was at work, in a meeting about elementary education... when the chair collapsed... I fell freely to the ground with a piece of raisin bran cookie... which I don't even really like...

She asked this same question that I asked myself many a time... "If you have to go through with all of these, why didn't you get injured by some dramatic event?" 8-O lol sigh

Ya... sometimes I wonder... would it have made me feel much happier if....


What it be like.... I actually got injured because of some dramatic event...  ummmmm.... 


In my dream... it would have been like dramatic and traumatic scenes you see in action movies such as mission impossible...


As in Die hard...


007..



Or... the beauty and the beast... the gorilla dropped me by mistake... from the top of the Empire state building... 8-O lol



Man... wouldn't the story be so much grander?!

Instead, a fat rat fell flat when a chair collapsed into one piece.... #$&*$#% 8-O lol

Anyways... getting back to the topic...

So I would like to see what I could do to put together something like a book...

And I started to try since yesterday... except for... the Goddess grants no words and the fountain of speech seemed to have run dry...

So I kept on drinking more and more water... other than thirsty...  partially also wish to clean the pipe.... 

And, then I realize... whether you call the blah blah blah above writing or not... In the process of lamenting about my inability to write, speech coming out in the form of words... more or less like... again... verbal diarrhea... Leaving me ponder... such, perhaps, including 8-X 8-O lol sigh, style?  8-O


Thursday, September 2, 2010

What I saw most from my trip

What I got most from this trip... I saw people

Taken me by surprise at times because sometimes there were so many and so different from my expectation or imagination.....

For instance, the people mountain people sea (人山人海) in the World Expo in Shanghai...

What you see is a "small fraction" of the line for the Saudi Arabia pavilion.



All these people were waiting in line for the Saudi Arabia Pavilion. The sigh said... over 5 hour waiting time. In reality, on a day when I almost got heat stroke and almost passed out due to the heat provided me being sick already, these people in the picture had to wait over 6 hours to get in. According to hearsay, it took some people 9 hours to get in.



Yours truly, of course and like many others, took the strategy called visiting only the pavilions without or with only short lines....

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

regression to the mean

I think my body is recovering better....

My life so far... I spent years coping with that head of mine..  later, physical disability and the associated aches and pains etc...

This round, it is the common sickness anybody else could understand, I guess...

All of the symptoms you can find on the introduction chapter of all over-the-counter cold/flu medicine.... Finally went to see the doctor, my uncle told me... bronchitis...

Would love to consider it is statistics 101.... regression to the mean... with the question... when can I regress to the mean and would it ever be possible for that day to arrive?  Could I ever become that outlying data point that fit the regression line perfectly? 8-O lol

Delusion, illusion and other -sions or not... well... guess... I should be authorized to dream? 8-O 8-X

Shanghai accomplishment

Found a husband in Shanghai and he is coming to Taiwan in October...

Sorry for that outfit of his that I never really learn to like.... and... in case you wonder... ya... the woman next to him is not me.... It should by my should that he rests his hand on... 8-O :'-O lol




What about my picture?



Ya... one of the most blurry head... I guess.... 8-O lol


Ay... what a smile that could melt one's heart.....

Looking at him with another woman, me in the dark, can't be seen... Of course, sadly I thought.... why isn't it me? (especially, when... OMG... I think I am old enough to be that lady in the picture's aunt... 8-O lol)

So I told my sister..... I found you a sister in law in Shanghai...

So replied my dear sis...  something like... "It's better to look at the stars from afar because, when the star is closed by, it is too bright and could be so bright that it hurts.... so they said in the drama...." 8-X 8-O

Taipei

Just got back to Taipei from Shanghai... a pretty quick trip... less than 2 hours... on a presumably... typhoon day....

Checked my blog and realized that... wow... my simple writings did get successfully posted to this blog... cool...

Haven't been able to access blogger or my blog since arriving in China...

Monday, August 30, 2010

So much more could have been done...

Still trying to recover from this thing that hit me like a truck since I got to Shanghai... Part of it, I think might be allergy...

As I was checking the progress of the washing machine after looking up some theme song from a Korean drama I battled to finish watching last night while sipping my cold medicine in the middle of the afternoon...

I thought to myself... so much more could have been done had I not been sick... then... oops... doesn't it speak for the story of my life so far.... 8-O and... wait... seems to be a statement so very generalizable to the others as well... 8-O 

On a second thought, most of the places I have visited so far... I think I might have mostly forgotten.... What makes trips memoriable... I guess... are events with events as such.... 

gotten bitten by fishies in DR... even torn my swimsuit... 

followed bus driver's direction wrong, climbed up a semi-cliff in semi-high heel to get lost in the desert of Alberqueque...  

passport taken by the controller at the border of Austria and Italy...

started my first road trip by car in the North East of the US by walking into a huge hole... landed my right kneel on a rock on our way to Yale B-school, I think...
and ended in Yale hospital with 3-4 stitches... finally gotten the stitches taken off in a hospital near Mackinaw Island where they filmed somewhere in time...

landed in Miami for the first time in pouring rain in the night sick to the stomach... so sick that I had to throw up in the garbage can  first thing I did in South beach while waiting for a bus that never came... had to bang on the door of a closed restaurant to call for a taxi, which took me to a hostel ended up spending the night in a 4-bed arrangement with a broken door to the washroom with 3 strangers... men...  

Just a few examples that came to my mind....

So... in bright daylight, doing laundry, sick in Shanghai and listening to music from a Korean drama I didn't even know till I came to Shanghai... something to remember I guess.... 8-O lol

At least one thing I have learned is this Korean phrase... ho do ka jio... ho do ka jio.... ho do ka jio.... sa ram he yo... sa ram he yo.. sa ram he yo... if Korean can understand... 8-O lol

How much more could I have done... then?  8-O lol

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTMwMDc2MjA0.html



The first song with English lyrics...

Happy Ending

Spent the whole night finishing up the episode I missed at the beginning.... 原來是美男(미남이시네요)

My favorite part of the whole show... Happy ending...

어떡하죠 如何是好 What should I do?

어떡하죠?
如何是好? 
What should I do?

Speaking of my mind right now I guess.... 8-X

My boy friend on stage... what a pretty boy! except for the he was serenading someone else... 8-O #$%&


Saturday, August 28, 2010

I am in love

I decided yesterday that I am in love... with 張根碩..... know him through... 原来是美男

What could be even better... the man even has the same family names as me.... 8-O lol

A bit to old to be doing this kinda thing I guess... 8-O lol



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Walking in the Rain

Today is the third day I started my mission to tour around in Shanghai on my feet... (Just in case you wonder... This has always been how I like to see a city... believe it or not... 8-O lol)

Took off earlier since the weather is milder... than... as I arrived at my destination... God granted my wish... sort of..  "let it rain down so that the temperature could cool down..."

Rather, it poured.  8-O lol

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Getting a lift

One thing differs this trip from my previous trips is that....

I spent a whole lot of time looking for disability access... escalator, elevator, or taking detour... 8-O lol

One day, I was stuck at a subway station in Seoul because there was no elevator going to the ground...  The gentleman working at the booth found out I was having so much problem bringing myself up them stairs, he graciously pushed me all the way up through all those stairs till I was up to the ground... 

I was and remain extremely thankful to him because, otherwise, I might be struggling to get up till the day break next day.... 8-O 

At the same time... a different definition of getting a lift... I guess... 8-O lol

Accomplishment

Been sick like a dog since I got to Shanghai.... second day I arrived... I laid flat for the entire day... and have been laying low till yesterday.... when I decided to accomplish what I came here for... a determined though sick tourist... 8-O lol

Anyways, finally, I am growing out of this cold/flu thing slowly and sturdily... 

Been able to get out to see the city a bit more... 

Today, I came to the realization...

My biggest accomplishment this trip.... giving directions... 8-O lol

I don't know where I have not been to but I know the roads I have traversed... and... I actually gave people directions at least twice correctly today....

Even in Seoul, Korea, where I was absolutely illiterate...  can't read and understand korean at all... I successfully gave people directions twice... one time in the subway where a lady sitting next to me was looking for the bus station.  

The other time... a lady who spoke no English at all approached me to ask for direction...

Somewhere among the korean sentences I heard something like... "Lotte"...

So I asked, "Lotte department Store?"

Apparently, yes.

Since I spoke no Koren, I walked her to the corner of the block and pointed to the big sign on the building down the Road... "Lotte."

She was happy and appealled to be thankful... 

So I thought... Did I just give directions to a Korean lady who I could hardly understand in a city I hardly know? 8-O lol

 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

朱家角

Brother in law went to play golf with his friend today... and he dropped me at 朱家角.... 

The first thing I accomplished after I arrived at the front entrance... I made a great entrance...  I took a really ugly fall and got this not so nice booboo...

Then I got up and kept on going.... 8-O lol 

Friday, August 20, 2010

Sick in Shanghai

Arrived in Shanghai late in the day yesterday... supposed to be working on touring around by now... except for... been sick and... gotten really sick overnight... chest congestion, nose running, my head all stuffed up, and, in addition to the pain associated with my neck, back and knee conditions, another kind of ache and pains... I think that is what they call the body aches...

Thought I was about to die when I saw the color of munus coming out when I first woke up in the morning.....  8-O lol

If you ask me at this specific moment, it is far worse to have a cold or flu like this than to be suffering the disability associated pains.... 8-O lol sigh

Yet, I have been working really hard on popping whatever pills I could pop to get myself feel better soon.....

(Trying to see whether I will be able to get this message posted through blog-by-email from Shanghai)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

On my way to Seoul

On my way to Seoul... free internet access at the airport....

Thursday, August 12, 2010

12.25 mg

Dosage has gone down again... now... since over two weeks ago because I was zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... most of the times....

Somewhere around 12.25 mg of Seroquel since it is impossible to really cut the pill in half or in quarter with pill cutter...  Haven't been on dosage this low since... I guess... 7-8 years ago..... 8-O

So I went to see a psychiatrist here... already twice since I got back on the 20th of July... he seems to think that I am doing pretty fine.

The added benefit of doing nothing more than... walking, exercising, TV watching and eating.  Not using my head too much, I guess. 8-O lol

In addition, I have an interesting observation... when it is too hot, my head also starts to get overheated and being in a cool place cools my head down.   Also,  when things get on my nerve... the head would start running and running and running.... I would let it run its course in my head and it does run through eventually.... 8-O lol

Sleeping problems did resurrect for... like two days.... I went back to my lavender etc tea or essential oil body product and it worked...

Regardless, I, again, realized... all these years of busy trying to devise a efficient way to cope while trying to live my life and pursuing the goals I have already forgotten....

The most strangely efficient way so far... do what others do for all these times. 

Nothing new. Sort of like... regression to the mean... I guess... 8-O lol

Why did I have to go running around in circle before getting back to this conclusion?  God knows... I guess... 8-O lol

Travel

I haven't gone traveling since January 2007.

OK, I did travel between Taiwan and the US in 2008 and three weeks ago.  Yet, that is called transportation.  Not travel.

Finally, I will be going traveling for the first time this Saturday.

Seoul first and Shanghai second.

Why Seoul and Shanghai?

Also.... free accommodation available and the cheapest most economic way to fly...  8-O lol

The only problem... give me a road and I could keep on walking till the cows come home provided there are restrooms available.... 

Yet, I can not carry weight.... It slows down my speed and causes problem to my back and, then, the whole body.

For instance, before I left NYC, I had to move some stuffs and it killed my body so bad that... 5:00 AM, curb side, outside of JFK... People in the airport had to pick me up with a wheelchair..... and, from there on, they carried me all the way back to Taiwan...

Well, I WAS really in pain and it really was sort of miserable then... especially having to deal with excruciating pains on a 25 hour trip....  Sounds pretty funny now since, 3 weeks later now, I am back to walk relatively fine and mostly pain-free again.... 8-O lol

Since I intend not to waste too much time recovering... I have to travel.... REALLY light to prevent any potential damages... while... since not making any money.... budget traveling.... 8-O lol oops...

In addition, although I now can "walk"---- 80 Manhattan blocks or more kind of distance--- I still have problems and mucho problems with stairs.  Unfortunately, based on the pictures I have seen for many of the tourist attractions, there are stairs and stairs.... slopes and slopes....  Well, it is not until I became disabled did I come to realize that... this world really is not designed for people with disability.... 8-O lol sigh

At the same time, if I can find ways to walk in NYC and in Taipei, I should be able to walk in Seoul, Incheon, Suwan or Shanghai.... After all, walking is walking, right?  8-O lol

Regardless, it would be really interesting to see what it would be like to travel on a budget, disabled.

And... this would be the first time I go traveling with my strange kind of disability....

Ain't like it is the kind of "first time" experience I would like to have... Yet, well... even if my body could heal till I could carry some ordinary weight and do stairs like a robot, for the time being, I want to travel and I will learn to travel my way again.

What is even better... my brother in law will be on his business trip while I am in Shanghai... I will have a two-bedroom apartment all to myself for a week... could finally through a house party... though not gonna have too many people to party with in Shanghai... 8-O lol

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Under the Taiwan Sun

At least two days in a role, it hit over 100 degree here in Taipei...

According to the forecast, it would already start to "feel like" in the 100s as early as 9:00 AM tomorrow morning.... ouch....

http://www.weather.com/weather/hourbyhour/TWXX0021

In addition, radiation is bad....


http://tw.weather.yahoo.com/uvindex.html#01

As a result of the combination of heat and radiation, yours truly would 撐洋傘抗UV even when walking in the shade as early as 8 o'clock something in the morning.... 8-O lol

Regardless, when in Taipei and taking my walk, I now either take it to the underground shopping mall (東區地下街) or the Sogo department store right across the street....

An avid participant of the national sports called... 美白 frenzy...  8-O lol

If you ask me, the Taiwanese sun seems to be much scarier than that in NYC though... um... should be the same one.... 8-X
 

Friday, July 9, 2010

Suffering


To end today's posting spree, I will share with you something I have been trying really hard to learn... 

So far as I am concerned, a lot of suffering in life are unnecessary.  I suspect that it might be the young Werter's sorrow kind of stuff that might have sustained my propensity to maintain or establish the suffering kind of state I might entrap myself in once ever so often.

Can't quite give you a solid example now but it must be evident somewhere in my year's of blah blah blah.... 8-O lol oops...

The key  point...

It is no good to suffer because it does not make me happy and I don't like it anyway.

As a result, I reflect upon this question every once in a while...

Aches and pains and physiologically based things... I have no control over them.

Other things do make me feel... Oh... how I suffer!  Ya, sometimes gotta cut myself some slacks as welll

Yet, have I made myself suffer unnecessarily and excessively?

If yes, my newly developed and developing self-training style would be applied... back to conditioning... 

I would beat myself up so bad with my mouth till I dare not do it again.... till something happens or I find myself slip back... then... conditioning again... 8-O lol 

God Never Blinks

Came across this book called God Never Blinks by Regina Brett when I stopped by Barnes and Noble today during my daily walk.

Following are some of the lessons I find most interesting and could help me to recenter myself:

Very applicable for people with paranoia and delusions like me...



  1. What other people think of you is none of your business. (There goes the reiteration of my can't-mind-my-own-business disorder) 
  2. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. (Actually, nobody else really gives a rat's ass. 8-O lol oops...)
  3. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?" (This would be helpful if you can't snap yourself out of the looping thoughts and, in a perfect situation, the above two should be sufficient.  If the looping thoughts still don't run dry after a long while and keep on building on, check the meds. 8-O)

    What I have tried my best to apply...




    1. Always choose life. (and... health, happiness and love)
    2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
    3. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
    4. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
    5. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
    6. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
    7. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
    8. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
    9. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
    10. Pay off your credit cards every month.
    11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
    12. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

      Some other quotes...

      1. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
      2. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
      3. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
      4. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
      5. Believe in miracles.
      6. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
      7. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
      8. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

        Virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication

        Today, I read that time magazine has listed Farmville, a game I have been playing on facebook, as one of the 50 worst invention.

        Interestingly, last night, I was pondering to myself about this thing I would call... "Virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication"... or facebook games such as Farmville.




        Cafe World



        Or other online games alike.... that are...absolutely brainless, not all that exciting and involves this mechanism called click till you die... 8-O lol

        I don't know what other people get from playing these games...

        One thing I do know is that...

        The what would otherwise be considered as boring tasks: cooking them dishes in Cafe World, growing crops in Farmville, collecting bonus/rewards through news feeds, sending and receiving gifts to facebook friends etc... definitely helps to slow and calm me down....


        And, I thought, over a month now on 25 mg Seroquel only, my head somehow kept on getting clearer and clearer... In addition, after an entire year of struggling, now I finally could really read.  I now also feel more like I am in this world... (though... no doubt, I am still psychotic and my body could do things as abnormal as could be, which I have become accustomed to after these past two years...)

        Maybe... part of it is the contribution of the "virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication"? 8-O

        How does it work?  I am not even gonna further entertain it since it defeats the purpose of having total concentration in brainlessness. 8-O lol

        Does it really work?  How is it even my business anyway since my business is to find ways to live and..... especially when different things work for different people and the effects might even vary within the same person?

        Thursday, June 24, 2010

        Lamont Hall at LDEO


        The Lamont Hall at LDEO (A campus of Columbia University that reminds me of UBC) is apparently a library now where I am accessing the Internet from....

        A deer and I were just staring at each other until the guy ran away not too far from the picture...

        Monday, June 21, 2010

        Scary

        If there is one person I am most afraid of on this planet to me at this point...  guess who?

        Yet, it would be me myself.  8-O lol

        So, I let myself be a drama queen and whine and whined and whined... reminiscene about the times past while the time is, no doubt, always passing by.

        It was either Saturday night and Sunday morning... when that drama queen part of me intents to come out and become, I guess, the daily queen... 8-O

        OMG... The pending departure in less than a month if ain't no nothing happens... above and beyond all the other blah blah blah....

        Sad... hurt... depressed... and so on, so forth...

        Finally, I really was not about to entertain it any more...

        So to myself I said... something like...

        "If you can't enjoy the remaining time in New York and consider it a chance to live your life in New York, you don't deserve to stay and I am gonna go and book the cheapest flight tomorrow to shuffle your sorry behind right off this continent since you can be sorry anywhere.  Stop it already." 8-O 8-X lol

        It is not like I won't allow myself to feel bad etc.  That would be counter productive.

        It is more like... it doesn't make sense for me to make myself feel more miserable or worst off than the appropriate quota... If I were to over do it, I am simply entrapping myself in unnecessary misery and I won't even get any sympathy, empathy, and whatever-athy--- except for apathy--- from myself for such stupidity. 8

        More importantly, have I done everything I could do and have I been responsible for myself?  I think so....

        Not to mention, ok, not to discount your predicament, but... there are plenty of people who are worst off.

        I must have gotten myself really scared and da drama queen stopped.

        Then, when melancholy comes to visit, I still welcome it and entertain it since it is entitled to its place.  When I think I get it entertain well enough, with due respect, I say...

        "Come again if you want but right now I've got to say bye bye."

        Intuitively, this would be the most logical solution... 8-O lol

        Whether I am really doing what I think I am trying to do is another issue...


        Progression

        Some interesting progression in my cognitive processing in recent times... and as the dosage gradually went down in recent months...

        First, I finally was able to convince myself that... How is it anybody else's business what the heck is in my mind?

        A bit later, I finally was able to think... "How is it anybody else's business what the heck I write in my private blog since it is but a private journal for myself?

        In even more recent time, finally, "How is it anybody else's business what the heck it is that comes out of my mouth if I am not talking to them?"

        So, I was asked this question...

        "What make you think so?"

        "Oh... because I am psychotic.  It is the most fundamental of the condition."  8-O 8-X lol

        Then, in even more recent days, something this friend of mine once had me told kept on popping to my mind...

        It was before I was labeled as psychotic.... over a decade ago now...

        One day, I was sitting at the bar.  A few seats away sat this other regular.  We had been hanging out at the same bar for quite a while then...

        Each every move and look of his told me that he knew something....

        Finally, I collected enough "courage" and asked him this question....

        "Have you ever heard anyone talking about me recently?"

        My poor friend apparently was interrupted from his own train of thoughts and gave me that embarrassing look...

        "I am so sorry!  I have been having so much trouble at home that I have not been paying anybody else any mind."

        Since normal people can't quite tell me how they think and since this seems to be an example of how normal people act and think...

        So I think to myself.... maybe the next task to learn about how to be normal is... "I am having so much problem keeping up with what is in my own "house" that I can't be paying nobody else's no mind." lol oops...

        Believe it or not though... personally, I prefer to believe such progression as an improvement somehow... Of course... only time could tell.... remember... emerging vs forcing...  except for.. not quite easy a task...  especially when you are using an "invalid" instrument as an evaluation measure... such this whatever-it-is head of mine...  8-O  8-X lol sigh

        Saturday, June 19, 2010

        Letting go

        My learning to let go is like playing Mafia War...

        When I was under level 400 or 500, I tried really hard to level up and always ponder what it would be like to be at a higher level.

        After a certain level, I stop pondering since...

        Come on... what is the point since, don't bust your head too hard over it since, as long as you keep on playing, today's level up would always be tomorrow's lower level.  8-O

        Some days you even forget to level up because I was busy cooking or training my dog.... or checking out beauty products.  8-O lol

        My Mafia War view at level 653... not too high... not really low... sort of somewhere in the middle...

        Wonder whether it is the maxima/minima or again local maxima/minima?

        脫竅

        1 month or two after my June 19th, 2007 accident, mama cooked me an egg and let me cracked the egg open and eat it... 8-O lol

        What it symbolizes is the idea of 脫竅 or 脫殼... essentially... get rid of the bad... bad... bad...



        or




        Unfortunately, the egg my mama cooked that day was still raw and not yet done.... 8-O lol

        It was around this hour 3 years ago when the chair collapsed... and my whole life shattered with it...

        I lost everything.... essentially my health and who I thought myself was or was to be.

        While everyone else is busy building their career, wealth, smart, etc, I was busy trying to find ways to piecemeal my body and mind together.

        OK, I know it is exaggeration, but, I suspect that sometimes it is only healthy to allow myself to be a drama queen once for a while for the sake of it.  It is because... come on... when can I be "authorized" to mourn about my lost functionalities in my knees, shoulders, neck, back and head... especially when now the worker's com case has closed and I have sold my body for money (shoulders and knees only since nobody wants to pay for my back 8-O lol sigh)?  (And, yes, FYI... you don't get compensated for your pains and suffering.  You also don't get compensated for your back in scenarios like mine.  You only get compensated for permanent damages in your shoulders and knees.  It is simply the law. Please noted that here... I am focusing on what I lost.)

        So I decided to cook myself an egg this afternoon.... I cracked it open and ate it.  So I took a second to investigate the boiled egg... This time, it is ready... (and I hope so since the egg is already in my stomach and I don't really want to eat this thousand year old egg raw... 8-O lol)



        What is the purpose?

        Guess, it is a ritual.

        A ritual I participate in to help myself let go of the past.


        I know that the arrival of June 19th, 2010 will not gonna bring forth a miracle... (I know I am certified crazy... but you think I am stupid?! 8-O lol)

        I know I still can not run and I can only walk as fast as my body allow me to... etc.

        I am still psychotic while symptoms manageable at a "really" low dose.

        Yet, it is a benchmark for me.

        Also, most importantly, I am still kicking...

        And, the shell-cracking of a cooked egg and the act of eating it is not going to shrink me a whole size so that I can look like them skinny toothpicks on the street.

        To be honest, my recent venture into exfoliation from head to toe might do a more real kind of job to help me get rid of my dead skin... and that is part of the ritual as well...  8-O lol

        However, so far as I am concerned...

        All else I might and might not accomplish with blah blah blah blah blah...

        One thing I am sure is... and I just realized is... that...

        That egg you saw me eating and was actually cooked well... neither too raw or too old...

        That egg was the first egg I boiled in my entire life so far and I did not realize until today that I have never boiled an egg by myself in my entire life... unless... oh... my bad memory... Did I forget?   8-O lol 8-X

        Thursday, June 17, 2010

        Developmental outcome

        Years back, this friend of mine had me told... something like...

        "You are too much influenced by your mental health condition."

        At a much younger and more understanding age, I responded with something along the line... Human development.

        Speaking of the power of environmental impact on human development... nature + nurture...

        2-3 years later, I have developed low tolerance for BS or what I consider as BS (well, if everyone is entitled to their opinion, I am entitled to be opinionated as well and in exercising my right to judge things as bull or not, I guess).

        If it were today, I would have shut him up even before he could voice that opinion with...

        "Cut the bull.  I am not gonna entertain that."

        Although this might have something to do with the dosage of 25 mg which is essential in keeping me in touch with reality and a sense of self.... 8-X lol

        Such is one of the developmental outcome for having lived through the last 3 years.... not like it is any better or any worse... just the way it is.  8-O lol sigh

        2 days to June 19th

        3 years is neither a long time nor a short time.

        It is some time and the duration of time for some significant benchmark in my life.

        It took me 3 years to get my junior and senior high school diploma.

        I went to Taiwan university for 3 years.  Afterwards, I spent 3, in retrospective, interesting time in Vancouver, BC.

        The most haunted 3 years in my life so far... would be the last 3 years minus 2...

        I have not looked back for the longest time since, I guess, I always knew that, when the time comes, I will look back.  Before that, let me keep going while trying my best to smell the roses along the way.

        Sort of like how the song went... "人說這人生 海海海海路好行 不通回頭望 望著會茫"... You might get too dizzy when looking back...

        Today is the day for me to look back after paying St. John the Divine a visit earlier in the afternoon.

        Somewhere in the afternoon of June 19th, 2007, I was in a meeting, eating a piece of raisin bran cookie.  The chair collapsed into one piece right underneath me.

        The breaking point that set off a journey-- continuing-- into total physical disability and eventually mental disability with pains, struggles and sufferings as the collateral damages.

        After I got home that night, my mama was really upset...

        "Thank God it was me who took the fall.  Not anyone else at the meeting."

        Gotta be Percocet talking... or my sheer ignorance about what is yet to unfold...

        In retrospective, if the fall would have taken the same amount of toll on anyone else, I should have let someone else from outside of the college to take the fall so that they can get both worker's compensation and sue someone's behind... which I am not going to name, for negligence.  8-O lol sigh


        The before denial state: http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2007/06/life-and-its-unfolding-on-extraordinary.html
        Painful expressions: http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2008/01/painful-expression.html
        At the very beginning: http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2007/07/last-miles-to-house.html
        2 Month Anniversary: http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2007/08/when-to-yield.html
        "Sit down. Go back to sleep. You. Me. And, Her."http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2007/12/you-me-and-her.html
        Last posting before Down with Meds is taken down: http://ratologybk.blogspot.com/2008/02/blog-post.html
        The Beginning of Ratology Reloaded blog right before I got myself shipped back into the Cuckoo's nest: http://ratologyreloaded.blogspot.com/2008/02/new-world.html

        The rest... up to now... such as whatever in this blog... simply the process of recovery... and the associated inconveniences.

        In the meanwhile, let me start giving a toast to da really bad hangover...

        Sunday, June 13, 2010

        I am crazy-- Je suis fou- Barthes in Lover's Discourse

        A quote in "I am crazy"-- Lover's Discourse by Roland Barthes

        "insane in my own eyes (I know my delirium), simply unreasonable in the eyes of someone else, to whom I quite sanely describe my madness: conscious of this madness, sustaining a discourse upon it..."

        "Je suis fou"-- Les' Fragments d'un discours amoureux'de Roland Barthes

        "insensé à mes propres yeux (je connais mon délire), simplement déraisonnable aux yeux d’autrui, à qui je raconte très sagement ma folie : conscient de cette folie, tenant discours sur elle." (Je suis fou)

        Thursday, June 10, 2010

        Keep going

        Found some quotes cited in the book "Now is the Time" at Barnes and Noble today.

        “If you are going through hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill

        And, in my scenario, if ever I were in hell, I somehow must have helped out building my own hell and I simply have to try my best to walk myself out of it.

        Could this be why I walk so much? 8-O

        Other quotes used in this book:

        1. "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."  Steve Jobs
        2. "To love someone deeply gives you strength; being loved by someone deeply give you courage." Lao Tse (8-O)
        3. "All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire but my heart is exclusively my own." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
        4. "Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising every time we fall." Confucius (8-O)
        5. "Courage is the mastry of fear, not the absence of fear."  Mark Twain.
        6. "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."  Jewish proverb.
        7. "It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic."  Winston Churchill
        8. "To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others."  Buddha
        9. "Better to lose the anchor than to lose the whole ship."
        10. "Let the dead past bury its dead."  Henry Wadsworth Longfallow
        11. "It is a good divine that follows his own instructions." Shakespeare
        12. "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Victor Frankl
        13. "Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance."  Epicurus
        14. "It's a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense."  Robert Ingersoll
        15. "Experiences is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."  Randy Pausch
        16. "The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to."  F. Scott Fitzgerald

            Wednesday, June 9, 2010

            黃霑 - 滄海一聲笑 {電影( 笑傲江湖)片中曲}

            This, maybe, is more like... music from Hong Kong... not quite sure

            跟往事干杯/姜育恒

            Don't know how people came up with words so fine....

            乾杯 朋友就讓那一切成流水
            把那往事 把那往事當作一場宿醉
            明日的酒杯 莫再要裝著昨天的傷悲
            請與我舉起杯 跟往事乾杯
            舉起杯 跟往事 乾杯

            A toast to the past and treat the not so easy past you would like to let go as a really bad hangover.... 8-O Nothing really to be proud of but that I know... bad hangovers... 8-O lol 8-X

            So... 以茶代酒... I raise my cup of chamomile and lavender tea for a toast to a past I am forgoing.... especially the discard-able part of the past 3 years... the pains, suffering and struggles, which I am, maybe, finally, acknowledging... not to mention the cold air, esophagus spasm, the running a train station in my head and all other mental and physical conditions.

            I am done suffering.... so suffering... go away.. go away... bad bad bad... go away... 8-O

            My life from now on has to be simply joyful and happy since I think I am very much done with my quota.  8-O lol

            God bless me, my house, all my family and all my lotteries. 8-O lol



            跟往事乾杯
            作詞:陳桂珠 作曲:長剛 編曲:陳志遠

            經過了許多事 你是不是覺得累
            這樣的心情 我曾有過幾回
            也許是被人傷了心 也許是無人可瞭解
            現在的你 我想一定很疲憊

            人生際遇就像酒 有的苦有的烈
            這樣的滋味 你我早晚要體會
            也許那傷口還流著血 也許那眼角還有淚
            現在的你 讓我陪你喝一杯

            乾杯 朋友就讓那一切成流水
            把那往事 把那往事當作一場宿醉
            明日的酒杯 莫再要裝著昨天的傷悲
            請與我舉起杯 跟往事乾杯
            舉起杯 跟往事 乾杯

            再回首/姜育恒



            Interesting...

            Growing up with this song but never really hear the lyrics until today... 8-O

            曾經在幽幽暗暗反反复复中追問
            才知道平平淡淡從從容容是最真
            再回首恍然如夢
            再回首我心依舊
            只有那無盡的長路伴著我

            Tuesday, June 8, 2010

            Appropriating "real"

            Gradually, I am regaining my ability to read...

            Some passages I came across in Barnes and Noble to share with you...

            I try my best to appropriate "real"... since the biggest challenge these days... to be grounded (or not to lose ground) and to feel life is real.



            At the same time, I forgive myself for making errors.... because... I am only human.



            This is not THE WAY.  The holly Grail kind of way other people might arrive at just like that.  And, if anyone else know what the is, please advise.

            This is only my way.