Wednesday, April 18, 2018


Rereading my psychotic model about my own psychosis. I don't know where I got the stamina to come up with all them mumble jumble. It's painful enough to read and gives me a headache.

Speaking of pain, it must be really painful to cut the ear off. Ouch.

A self-portrait of Van Gogh.

Saturday, April 14, 2018


The physical side effect of my dear Seroquel was really getting on my nerves, literally, and made my body jerking, twitching, etc.

So my psychiatrist add Solian to the cocktail. After experimenting for weeks, nothing traumatically tragic took place and physical side effects weren't as bad as they were used to be. As a result, I switched to Solian and Solian only.

During the time with Solian diet only, I also had nights with a reckless body stopping me from falling asleep. Already showing. Sigh.

Regardless, this is a new med and it would take some more time to see its longer term impact and side effects.

Sunday, March 18, 2018


A beautiful dream I had today--I could work like everyone else.

After waking up, I could still feel what it was like being employeed and going about with my ordinary chore.

Half awaken, that dream remained enchanting and calmed me with joy and blissfulness.

More awaken, I saw the reality--a mental and physical handicapped left with just enough to be functional for 2-3 hours a day.

The image came to my mind when Vincent threw himself on the bed, "Why can't I be like them?" :-X