Ain't no nothing wrong with you

One day, I went asking some information about the protection of people with disability in Taiwan at work place... for instance... how do I prove to people that I am physically disabled this way and blah blah blah.... A hard question for me to ask.
I went home and told my mom about the discussion... and... I saw her face....

From then on and especially later that night, she tried so hard to prove to me or to convince me that everything is fine with me and I am not disabled.

I then realized that... "she is going through this phase of denial... maybe she doesn't even know..."

She has difficulties accepting the fact that... this daughter of her has any kind of... let's put it this way... health problem... or... maybe my father as well...

So, she went on the entire time at the dining table and afterwards telling me that I am not disabled and so on...

Finally, I could not stand it any more...

"Stop it.  Stop it.  Please!

Accept it and acknowledge it.  Stop pretending it is all fine and there is nothing I can't do (no intent for double negative to emphasize).

That is not what I need.

What I need is for you to accept it.

Let's accept it and say... well... this is the reality now and where do I go from here.

Set this point as the baseline and each inch I gain is an inch gain."

I guess... it will never be easy for any parent to accept anything not so perfect happening to their children...

Later, I thought... must be hard to deal with people as such... what exactly do I expect them to say?

And, I thought of a comment a friend of mine once made... something like this...

"I now it is not perfect (accepting the fact) but you are making your best effort (stating the fact) and you seem to be doing fine."

Some days you do go into them moments and asking God why it is me and.. blah blah blah... and this is the point when you go watch the drama on TNT since, mostly likely, their drama is far more dramatic and entertaining... lol

Or go check out a clip as such... romantic, good ending and possibly a younger and better looking character in the leading role... 8-O lol



Yet, despite the good will... "Ain't no nothing wrong with ya?"  8-O

A lot of things wrong.... dear... let me break the news to you...

Yet, I know there are many things I could do though I am still trying to right them wrongs if possible as well.  8-O lol

Don't know whether this is how anyone else deals... this is how I deal.

And... no better way this guys once had it put... "You are high maintenance..."

I didn't understand it then... finally now... 8-O lol

Drama

Been having thoughts about drama in the back of my mind...

From 原来是美男, 張根碩 to drama there...

See... this is drama and traumatizing at times...

So romantic.....


How magical!



Unfortunately, life is not a 16- or 18-episode-long drama and I am no high 人氣 pop singer in my teenage.... Neither am I da Kong Fu hustler...

My life mostly is like... not much happening but mistakes could still be found.... (a viewer of this clip reminded me that the bridge is 35673 M, not KM-- a mistake I made in the description.)



If only could be relaxing like this... 8-O lol



So...

Drama...

If one thing I have been trying to learn is to de-dramatize if not de-traumatize for the benefit of my mind, if not life, how well have I faired so far?

To be honest, can't tell... especially when...

First... how do I assess my learning?

What are the tasks to be learned and what are the benchmarks?

Second... what exactly am I learning or what constitutes my aka de-dramatization?

Third and, perhaps, most important.. is there anything true about the plausible benefits since, if the benefits don't exist, there is not even any point to entertain the first and second points.

Regardless, (memory dump in process 8-O lol), one thing I could say... I tried and am still trying my best.... all else... so they say... 歡喜就好 (well... that last posting in Down with Meds remains to be a bit traumatic to me... de-dramatize and de traumatize... dumping dumping even more memory... 8-O lol 8-X)

Cruising on Hangang River: Moonlight Rainbow Fountain

When I went on the cruise on Han River, I was only looking forward an ordinary boat ride that would allow me to view the city in the night.....

So I was sitting on the boat, looking at the city with the light.... doing the same thing the guy was doing at the beginning of this clip... 吸收天地精華....

How peaceful!  How zen!  How gemütlich!

Gotta absorb all that I can!



Then, there came the highlight of the trip.... the the light show and water dance-- also known as the moonlight Rainbow Fountain from the cruise over Hangang River.... an absolutely pleasant surprise....

The Moonlight Rainbow Fountain is said to be the longest bridge fountain in the world.  It is installed along the Banpo Bridge (반포대교 or 盤浦大橋)...

(Gotta appologize for the quality of the video at times because my sister's camera has this strange habit of refocusing itself...)

Accordingly, the fountain is made with with nearly 10,000 nozzels on both sides of the bridge and shoots out 190 tons of water per minute.... wow...

Thank God... the water was pumped up directly from the river.... and... goes right be to the river...

The cruise did stop for sometime when we were approaching the Banpo bridge.  This was when I took this clip...

At around the end of the water/light show, I was with my friend and her son inside the cabinet.  When I realized that... apparently... the boat was moving towards the bridge...

So I told my friend and her son...

Since I walked much slower then them, they have already ran to the front of the boat as I was still trying to walk towards that direction....

All of a sudden... I felt.... something like rain or storm coming down..... and thought... "OMG... typhoon is here...."  Instinctively, I hid behind till the storm was gone...

Ended up, as the boat was turning around, it went under the waterfall.... and... those who did not hide for cover fast enough got all drenched...

As for me, I happened to stay dry not because I was able to hide out fast enough... but because I can not run and my top walking speed is much slower.... (Guess, this accounts for the benefit of being an handicapped?! 8-O lol )

Getting to the cruise is easy... I believe that I had boarded at the Jamsil Dock.  One way of getting to the Jamsil Dock is to get off at the Sincheon (yes, with an e... not Sinchon that is on the same line next to the Hongik Univ) station on the green line or line 2.  This stop is southern to Hangang River and one stop away for the Olympic Sports Complex.

Onces you get out of the subway station, simply move towards the direction of Hangang Park.... The riverside park is within walking distance from the subway station although it might be a 10-15 minute walk depending on your speed.

Once you enter the Riverside Park, look for the establishment with the C& sigh by the water... This is where you can buy tickets and board the cruise.

The trip I took took off at around 7:30 PM and lasted for around 90 minutes, which not only allowed me to see the city in the night but also the Moonlight Rainbow Fountain in action.

If I remember correctly, it costs something like 12,000 won (yet, don't quote me...) as of Aug. 17th, 2010.  I was told that there were two other types of cheaper cruises available... except for they all were sold out and... they don't go as far as the Banpo bridge.  Shall anyone ask for my opinions, I would strongly recommend the 90-minute cruise after sunset.... except for... simply my humble opinion.... (Of course, I assume, you could always find people who might see things different...)

Found some pictures this guy took for the Moonlight Rainbow Fountain.... Nice pictures and think I might share them with you...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/68558939@N00/sets/72157622223020275/show/

I would have loved to go by the Banpo bridge, the park or during the day to see the fountain and take some pictures myself... except for... unfortunately, not enough time.... @#$%$#*

Unblocked!

Well, there really is not a need for me to do this...

People in China knows that, if they really want to access websites such as youtube, facebook, blogger, etc.  All that you have to do is to set up a proxy so as to fool the big brother that the request actually was sent from out of the country.

Although I could have done it while in Shanghai, I did not want to bring forth any potential trouble... In addition, I was too busy coping with my bronchitis while fulfilling my duties as a tourist anyways...

Theoretically, in order to unblock the Korean drama 原来是美男 that I was able to access in China but not in Taiwan... all that I have to do is to re-engineer the above scenario.... In other words, I have to set up a proxy to fool the website that this request actually came from inside of China.

Yet, a theory is a theory... the process of implementation is the tough one... with the biggest obstacle... finding a proxy that works...

To cut the story short...

I spent the entire night looking for a proxy located inside of China...

Some proxies worked for a second or two and stopped working....

Other proxies never worked from the beginning...

At some point, after I tried out about 10-20 proxies, I had this smart idea...

"Why not try Hong Kong since Hong Kong is part of China now!"

The IP shown on the right is the proxy IP

Well, the proxy in Hong Kong did work...

Yet, when trying to retrieve the 14th episode of 原来是美男 at http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTMzMTM5NDQw.html

I got the a message I have never seen before... Access denied with plausible reasons written in big red.... 8-O

So I thought... maybe... Hong Kong is too special a special area...

I continued with my trials for many more a time... until... finally... I resigned to my destiny...

"You know what... there isn't even a need for me to get to see this clip online especially when I don't even know what this episode is about..."

Yet, something told me to try for one more time... or maybe 2...

It was then...

Voila!

This proxy worked!

Thinking of my experience so far, instead of loading the page to the video immediate, I requested for the website of Chinese News Daily.... with this superstitious kinda thinking in my mind... Now the big brother might not suspect that what I really want to access is actually a video blocked from outside of China.... :-D

After the website of Chinese News Daily was loaded successfully, I sent out the request for the browser to get the page at the drama link... and... it seemed to be loading... contents populating...

And... to my greatest surprise... the video started loading like what it was supposed to do.... and.. sitting here in Taipei, I got to watch the 14th episode of 原来是美男... where my man said to that woman... "I like you..." for the first time...

The following pictures shows you the same page viewed with Firefox and Chrome browser.  The browser on the right side is the firefox browser.  When playing the clip embedded in the page using Firefox with a proxy in China, I was able to view the video as shown in the player on the right side. However, when accessing without a proxy in China using the Chrome browser, I got this same old error message "This clip has been blocked in your region."

And... exactly 2 seconds after this frame... the clip stopped.... though I was still able to access other sections of the China Daily...  8-O 8-X

It doesn't quite matter... anyways...

Unblocked and the strange mission I assigned to myself... accomplished!

So I went and took a shower. 8-O lol

(Please see my posting in Technologies in Ratology if you are interested in trying it out yourself: Set up a proxy with Firefox 3.6.9)

Another first time in my life...

Brother-in-law went to Sogo to buy the DVD and CD of "原来是美男"... and gave me the poster that came with the package.

I was overjoyed and was going to put the poster up by my bed!

My sister could not understand...

"I have also watched a few episodes of it on and off... How can you be so addicted or obsessed with it?"

Mama came home later and I also told her about putting the poster up with the same response my sister had....

"How could you be doing this at this age?

So I replied...

"童年失歡... since I have never done anything like this in my younger years, might as well do it now I have a chance....  Just like, you never took me to McDonald's when I was young, gotta go there when I could to make up the lost happiness of childhood..." 8-O lol

 (And, too be honest, there was no McDonald's in Taiwan when I was young anyway... Didn't come in until when I was in high school, I think.... )

Earlier tonight, out of nowhere, mama reminded me... "Aren't you going to put the posters up?"

So I showed her the poster of 張根碩....

So she said... "Is that a woman?"

"No!  That is a very beautiful boy!"

After I put both posters up, at the only location allowed by my mom, I called her in to take a look....

So commented mama... "A girl and a boy?"

"No!  Two beautiful boys!"

The whole thing reminds me of the following clip... with me the auntie in the storyline....



http://tv.sohu.com/20100430/n271855875.shtml#1580 (starting at 26:19 ending around 29:00)



Such marks one benchmark of my life... I put posters of up... posters of nice looking actors from an idol drama... as seen on TV.... 8-O lol

平安圓滿 in 事故頻出地帶 (Safe and satisfactory in strange event frequent area)

Met up with this old friend of mine.... must have been friends for over 20 years now...

Haven't seen her for at least 4-5 years and she is now somewhat of a big-time lawyer...

Since it ain't like I am gonna be big time in no nothing soon, I love hearing about how successful my friends are... and... try my best to convince them to work hard on getting a summer house in Hawaii.... 8-O lol

So we spoke about what we have been up to and, due to the lack of changes in my status in recent years, I guess... I talked about my trip... sick, disabled, and all the ordinary blah blah blah...

Later, I was talking to her on skype and also spoke with the husband... also my classmate in my undergrad year...

So he said... something like... "You sound pretty OK over skype.  Just don't know how you are in reality..."

8-O

Afterwards, I had this moment of self-reflection....

Oops... was I a drama queen and over-dramatize the nothing-happen-ness in my life?

What I want to say is that... my life so far... so good...

For instance, despite of the minor aches here and  pains there during the trip.... The trip seems to be really fruitful and "平安圓滿"... (other than my mama made me wear a mask at home yesterday when my nephews came to visit because of the bronchitis I brought back from the trip... 8-O lol)

If you don't believe, take a look at the picture below... the first picture shows you the fresh wound I got from 朱家角 on Aug. 22nd, and, it seems to be healing really well now... Comparing to the fall I took at Yale campus years back with this two friends of mine on the first day of our road trip, at least this would doesn't require stitches... some improvement, I guess.... 8-O lol

At the same time, I thought of this concept I came across from this Korean Drama 原來是美男(미남이시네요)... something like... 事故頻出地帶... sort of like.. strange event frequent area...  Sometimes... I do wonder... maybe I am too dangerous for myself... 8-O lol

The first thing I did in 朱家角.  I took a good fall and got this wound.  8-O lol

Today, this wound seems to be healing
well.  Except for.. don't ask me where
I got the scratches on the side.  Got no
idea that they even exist until when
I was about to take this picture.  8-O lol

The man said... 사랑해요 | 我愛你 | I love you

"사랑해요 | 我愛你 | I love you" was what the first Korean man I came across in Korea trying to teach me.... as we spent the night together along for the first time... and ever... whom I spent my first 85,000 won (Korean currency) on....

8-O

Sounds almost like I am going into the direction of the American gigolo scenario... and ratprincess finally got laid once for a change... 8-O lol

That strange Korean man I am talking about is a gypsy cab driver who drives a black van... even got the metering kind of machine inside of the car... although my Korean friend and her friend had no idea about this kind of cabs at all...

So, when I arrived at the Incheon airport, it was about midnight and all public transportations had already stopped running....

I found these three kids from the US, possibly teaching English in Taiwan and Korea now...  Although I had no idea where I was going, I decided to split the cab with them going into town from the airport.... thinking... maybe I would be able to find a cheap hotel to spend the night instead of going to my friend's place at this hour...

On our way to Seoul, I got a hold of my friend and she apparently checked out the hotels all around town... The taxi driver also made a few phone calls to hotels...

Both came back with the same conclusion....

All hotels were fully booked.... (yet, I guess, if I were feeling up to paying 500 or 1000 US dollar a night, I might be able to find a room... 8-O lol)

It was not until the day after did I come to the realization that the situation might have something to do with the fact that.... it was Saturday and the second day was this Korean national holiday called "Liberation Day".... celebrating the liberation from the Japanese.

Before the ride, the driver told us that he would charge 2000 won for each person since it would be a 80000 won trip into town.

When we finally arrived at downtown Seoul, he suddenly raised the price to 25000 won... saying that all cabs would raise the fare by 10% after midnight and he also had to cover the fees for the tolls.

Ended up, we all paid an extra 5000 won (the equivalence of 5-6 US dollars) for the trip between the airport and downtown Seoul... and... to be honest, I found that driver to be really stupid... Unless he had never done it before... why didn't he simply charge 25,000 won in the beginning?  In that case, we didn't even have go through the experience of feeling being cheated....

You see, there is something strange about human psychology... if, inevitably, I have to be cheated, I'd rather be unaware of it... 8-O lol

Since even my friend can not find me any hotel room in town, it might not be any safer or cheaper for me to take one of them ordinary cabs and my friend already has this guy's cell phone number, I decided to take his taxi to go all the way to Bun-dang...

It was during the ride going to Bun-dang did this man started beginning to act... how do you describe it... frisky...

So he asked whether I am single...

So he asked what I think of Korean man?

And, he wanted to be my boy friend.... 8-O lol

Also, he tried to touch my hand...  @#$%&*$%#

Since it was already 1:00 or 2:00 o'clock early in the morning in a country I have never been to and, its language, I had no idea about, provided that we were on the highway, I had to go on  leisurely conversing with him for fear that.... damn... this guy could really drop me right off there this hour in the night....

Concerning his request to be my boyfriend and since he would not decrease the additional fare rate from 60000 to 50000, my only response...

"No 50000, no girlfriend."

He also tried to teach me Korean....

"사랑해요 (I love you)..."

"사랑해요 (I love you)..."

"사랑해요 (I love you)..."

Mister even came up with this proposal... "You go home with me... 0 dollars!"  (Man... he really underestimated my worth... 8-O lol)

And, wow.. man... didn't know that Korean men are so forth-coming and straight-forward.... 8-O

Well... in my much younger years... I had imagined foreign love affair like...

羅馬假期 or Roman Holidays...



東京假期 or Seven Nights in Japan...



OMG... 好悲情ㄚ and so romantic as well!

Except for... man... I am also somewhat royal since I am the Ratprincess... How come my experiences are so much different these other royal pals?  (Perhaps, having something to do with the rat part of my title... 8-O lol)

Yet, looking at the bright, in the ratological version of 韓國假期 or Korean Holidays, at least, I sort have someone serenading me incessantly and tried to make me say to him...  사랑해요... 사랑해요... 사랑해요.... (I love you... I love you... I love you....) though nothing comparing to the following.... 8-O lol



What happened then?

He finally took me to my friend's place and I paid him the 60000 won for the trip between Seoul and Bun-dang.

And, one might wonder... what might I have done to make him acting so?

I swear to God... all that I did was trying to negotiate with this guy about the cab fare... That's all.

I guess... this man might have a thing with women who haggle?  And, whenever I hear 사랑해요 (I love you), I thought of the cab driver, Mr. 사랑해요..... 8-O 8-X lol

粉絲症候群 fensi or Fans syndrome

So, in addition to bronchitis, I also came back to Taipei with this disorder called Fensi syndrome (Fans syndrome)...

For days, I applied the flooding technique to myself...

Listening to 어떡하죠 如何是好 What should I do thousands of times a day... staring at my husband's picture millions of times.... until... now... finally... less feverish.... 8-O lol

The following song.. Good Bye by 张根硕



어떡하죠 바라만 보네요 我该怎么做 只能注视着你
짧은 인사조차 건낼수가 없네요 甚至不能简短问候
시리도록 차가운 내손잡아 주지마 别握我冰冷的双手
이제는 그만 보내야하죠 现在我必须要让你走
어떡하죠 멀어져 가네요 我该怎么做 你已经越走越远
가슴가득 눈물만 차오네요 我满腹泪水
애써 감춰 봐도 멈출수가 없어요 就算努力隐藏 还是无法停止
끝내 잡지 못한 이맘을 어떡하나요 无法停止的爱 我该怎么做

사랑했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요 请别忘记我们曾经那样相爱
다시 웃게 해줄 다른 사람 만나도 就算遇到另外一个能令你展开笑颜的人
아픈 이별까지도 그대라 다행이죠 离别是痛苦的 但我很高兴能与你相遇
슬픈 눈물 모아서 안녕 收起悲伤的泪水 说再见

아무것도 해준게 없네요 我没有为你做过什么
못나게도 상처만 남겼네요 却只留下伤痛与你相伴
변해간 맘조차 감싸안아준 사람 你是那个无条件接受我任何感受的人
이젠 보내야할 그대를 어떡하나요 如今必须让你走 我该怎么做

숨이 멎을 만큼 아파와 눈물흘러도 即使这痛会让我停止呼吸 泪水横流
행복했던 그 기억은 놓지 말아요 请别忘记我们曾经那样幸福

닿지 못한 내사랑 이제 보내야 하죠 如今我必须将再不能让你感受的爱送走
오직 나를 웃게 할 사람 그대뿐인걸 你 是唯一的那个 可以让我微笑的人
사랑이 깊어져 마음이 아파와도 爱你越深 痛也越深

슬픈 눈물 모아서 내가 할수 있는일 收起悲伤的泪水 我唯一能做的事 就是说...
안 ~~~ 녕~~~~ 再见......

An Ode to 粉絲 (fans)

Recently, I was granted this fabulous chance to join the 粉絲團 or fan club of my pretty boy... 張根碩... (OMG... yum... yum... 8-O lol)

It's been gazillion years since the last time I was a die hard fan of someone who doesn't even have a clue about my existence.... Ya... I still remember vaguely how, decades ago, I was so crazy about da beautiful boy called George Michael.... (OK... Come on... that boy used to be really really hot... though I haven't followed up since decades... 8-O 8-X lol)

Essentially, what I have been going through is nothing but the recapitulation of teenage... I guess... (and, if teenage could be relive again... I hope... new teeth, too... 8-X 8-O lol)

The psychology of being a 粉絲 of some public kinda figure is a strange one...

It is a real one-way street... unless you are one of the "lucky few"....

You know of them... you can declare your affection towards them... you can even go crazy for them... doing things such as skipping your mid term waiting in front of their house only to see them... but they have no idea at all about your existence...

To them... you are only one of the billion 粉絲...

Yet, everyday... you search and search... for more and more information on the object of your affection... You even join in with the others... those sharing the same kind of passion towards the object of affection. (Sounds like the thing starting with the letter o... 8-O lol)

At the beginning, you might start from liking them as the character of some theatrical production... during the process of information research... You try to learn everything about him... Revisit each every trace he left...

"OMG... He is coming to Taipei!" You exclaim and you want to share your joy with the entire world.... with the same amount of excitement you had when your once-upon-a-time or real-life significant other first fly into town to pay you a visit.

At some point, you eventually come to realize... Oh... this man actually might be someone totally different from who I thought he was... based on the storyline of the drama you are drawn into.... And, you say to yourself... oops... 8-O lol

Regardless, you are in love... You make the person your boy friend, your husband, and your whatever... 

You even want to tell the entire world about this love of your life.... announce it!

You might blush speaking of him.... or not...

You even get sad, upset, and even jealous when you see your man with another woman... 

"Why does he hang around with that woman?  It is not like she is all that..." 8-O lol

Evolutionarily, it also doesn't quite make sense...

Well, the wish to find someone cute and well-to-do... a tendency beneficial to the offspring.... 

Yet, the devotion of someone who doesn't know jack about your existence... seems to be evolutionarily unfounded.... 

This is something yours relatively veteran delusional couldn't even comprehend....

Yet, so they say....

"Fans are very futile...  They might love you to death today but marry another man tomorrow."

Comparing to the object of affection who doesn't even have a clue about the existence of the individual 粉絲, I guess it is absolutely legitimate for 粉絲團 to proudly admit that... la donna e mobile?!  8-O lol



Speaking of which... seeing my husband always with another younger and cuter girl in public... I am wondering now when I will be ready to denounce him as my ex-husband.... 8-O lol

Anyways, so I decided to search and search for a readily available clip showing the overzealous fans... Unfortunately, most of the clips show only the object of affection rather than the 粉絲團.... Following is a short clip I got from the Korean drama 原來是美男(미남이시네요) showing the 粉絲 spirit or the spirits of the fans....  

An Ode to all 粉絲 in the world... regardless your object of affections...

어떡하죠 如何是好 What should I do?

어떡하죠?

如何是好? 

What should I do?

Speaking of my mind right now I guess.... 8-X

My boy friend on stage... what a pretty boy! except for the he was serenading someone else... 8-O #$%&

http://lancyparkedge.blog.sohu.com/155890853.html

I am in love

I decided yesterday that I am in love... with 張根碩..... know him through... 原来是美男

What could be even better... the man even has the same family names as me.... 8-O lol

A bit to old to be doing this kinda thing I guess... 8-O lol