Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The usefulness of "limited"

After I got back to NYC last Sunday, I came over to stay with this friend who broke her foot and had a surgery done.

At this point, she is officially more handicapped than me in certain capacity.

Just now, I had this epiphany and I shared it with her..

"Thank you."

She had this "what?" expression on her face...

So I continued, "I haven't seen anybody more disabled than me for a while."

(Of course, not counting my two uncles who have been in bed since their strokes..)

"Shut up.  You are not supposed to laugh at people's misery."  So she yielded at the top of her lungs...


Well, it is not like I was ever laughing at her miseries...

It is more or less like... strange that the limited functionality my body still has, all of sudden, becomes pretty useful... even to the others... 8-O

Regardless, it is sort of comical living through this thing called "a handicapped trying to take care of a fledgling disabled".... and dark comedy, of course... 8-O 8-X lol sigh

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Coming out of the dark

So I waited and waited, impatiently, for the man to arrive...

Such I haven't done for a long long while...

Finally, gracefully he came to my door and got my needs fulfilled... 8-O

Coming out of the dark, so I exclaimed, "Thank you for bringing me out of the dark age and you light up my life! Mr. Cable Guy!"

Now I am full... when the dark fiber goes live... 8-O lol

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Stomach problems

Went back to visit my mom's family during the weekend with the main purpose: celebrating Mother's day for my 95-year-old grandmom who moves as slow and far sturdier than me. lol

So I asked my cousins, uncles and aunts... about their stomach problems..

Essentially, some of them had ulcer with or without holes... might or might not have the bleeding complication...

Another friend of mine actually found out that she had 3 holes in her stomach... no wonder the black stool... Yet, when asking her whether it was painful, she told me, "I didn't even know.  I did the endoscopy as part of the health checkout."

Mine's Micky mouse because it's got no hole and neither does it bleed.

So I asked them all...

"Do you ever feel that when the stomach is bloated or might be upset, your head and your entire body also become bloated to the extent that your head would stop working and you go... duh..?"

The answers obtained from my ulcerous peers were a uniformed "No."

Then, it was yesterday when I went to see my gastroenterologists and I asked whether he has ever heard of patients reporting similar kinds of experiences.

"Very rare."  So he responded.

"Very rare-- which means there is someone else!" So I joyfully exclaimed because... OMG... I am not alone. 8-O lol

Monday, May 9, 2011

Today I am normalized

Not that there has been a day when I haven’t been sick… for a while… in all different departments.  Diversification... I guess... 8-O lol sigh

Rather, I am even sicker today than yesterday.

Woke up with stuffed nose and heavy chest… producing mucus from both sources like they have never produced no sticky fluid before.

Then, the sore throat and the fever of at least 37.2 as measured later in the day during my doctor’s visit- the gastroenterologists.

Along came, also, the minor annoyance of muscle aches and the feeling of weakness.

On my way home, as I was moving my laggard body down Fu-xing south road, I looked into this strange dasein moment of being feverish…

The feeling of having a fever… the sense of being cooked from inside out while you do feel the cool breeze on the night time street.

Such strange feeling… thank God… for once, this gotta be something shared by the majority of the human population on this planet when they have a fever.

A sense of overjoy… today I am normalized… I am part of the norm.  8-O lol

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The reason

I think this must have happened...

God, regardless of religion, woke up one morning with an epiphany...

"I think the mental thing is not enough... she can start suffer from physical problems, too, from now on."


The only reason I could think of is that...

I must have be 秦始皇 (Qin Shi Huang) reincarnated...

Not about da Great Wall... To be honest, it was the people who built it anyways...


Got too many people suffered and killed while fearing death to the extreme in my past life.

In search for elixir of immortality in Penglai Mountain (蓬萊仙島) 
Just when I might have thought, that's simple... I am dead and all cancelled out... But... no... no... no... the monk can run away but not the temple (跑了和尚,跑不了廟)...

Now I paying it back this life... 活受罪. 8-O lol

And, go figure... this life, I am born in Penglai Mountain running away from the elixir of immortality. lol

No  l'Elixir d'immortalité, please.

Some asked...

Why thinking this way?

How else do you think?  At least, that gives a reason, I guess.. 8-O lol sigh

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A goal?

I used to talk about the two speeds... slow and stop...

In these days, I have found a new definition of two speeds in my life...

My body is breaking down at the speed of light; the process of recovery, at a snail's pace.

This is why... I gotta try harder in God knows what way to recover from God knows what and nos... so that I can go on travel around the world before the day comes, when I look around this body and say...

"Oops... this part just fell of... Oops... another part just dropped... Oops... all gone..." 8-O lol

I don't think it would be an easy task for me to backpack like how I used to do...  no long can I no longer carry weights.  Moreover, in the last trip I attempted in Seoul and Shanghai, I found myself spent a huge amount of time looking for disability access...  Not to mention the task of riding on moving vehicle remains to be a task painfully challenging to me.

The first step, attempting to apply for a visa to get back to NYC... and...

Horray!  They just announced that they are dropping the charges for visa application as a result of the weakened US dollars... 8-O

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Today, I did the "stomach mirror" (胃鏡) thing or... esophagogastroduodenoscopy.  It is a procedure doctors performed to examine the inside lining of our esophagus, stomach, and the duodenum.

This is my first time and hope no more... 8-X

Before the real thing, I was given some white liquid, which, theoretically would get rid of gas?  Then, the nurse gave me a shot... with muscle relaxant kinda property.  Right before the procedure, she sprayed some liquid into my mouth... local anesthesia.

Then, there came the main course when my doctor arrived...

The endoscope
With me lying on my left side, they put this plastic thing with an opening in my mouth to keep the mouth open... and... the doctor grabbed this tube with the size of my thumb, stuck it through the hole and pushed the tube all the way down my throat, through my esophagus and into my stomach.

Having a tube going all the way into your esophagus and stomach is something absolutely unnatural...

What makes it feels most uncomfortable is when the doctor moves the tube around, trying to examine different "geographic location."

All too often, the tube would rub the wrong way more... which would trigger the gag reflex and makes you feel like to throw up...

Gotta say... it is some strange feeling trying to throw up with a tube going through your mouth into your stomach.

At some point, I started "passing gas"... a whole lot of gas.... sounding almost like fireworks rising up from my stomach...  8-O lol

Apparently, it happened because the doctor had pumped air into the stomach so as to get a better view of the interior design... and... that passing gas thing was the result of letting the air back out.

It was a quick procedure and took no more than 5-10 minutes... I think... However, it felt like a century or longer...

Within this time, the doctor was already done examining and taking a sample of the inflamed part of my stomach.

Through out the entire, the doctor talked to me... perhaps... 4 times...

Twice... "Do me a favor... don't swallow your saliva...."

I guess... this is because the swallowing of our own saliva might interfere with the examination.

Another two times, "Now please take a deep breath and hold it still."

So that he could do the things he has to do inside better... I guess?  Biopsy?  Picture taking?

When I got up, the doctor was already checking out the pictures he took in my stomach and esophagus.

I looked at the picture he was checking out... "Wow... that's my stomach.  Beautiful."

(Reminding me of piggie stomach that I love... got food in my mind... especially when I did not eat a thing for the entire day and it was some time past 3... 8-O lol)

"Yes." So he replied.

".. except for that area..."

"That's the inflamed part of your stomach which a test will be done to test for Helicobacter pylori."

He, then, switched to a different picture... in which my esophagus didn't look quite happy... some irregular color... yellowing, white-ish and some different things...

"That's your esophagus inflamed.  The erosion."

The good news... no internal bleeding... as a result... the iron deficiency has nothing to do with the stomach.  8-O lol

I was not supposed to eat or drink for at least 30 minutes after the procedure... possibly due to effect of the local anesthesia.  In addition, I decided to take the meds he prescribed before meal, and, apparently, one should not eat within 30 minutes to an hour after taking the meds.  As I was waiting for the time to pass, my stomach was hungry and, in my mind, I had a vision of the stomach digestion itself up to resolve the hunger issue while, interestingly, the purpose of the whole 9 yards is to keep my upper GI in one complete piece. 8-O

Like what they said about the side effect of the procedure... the stomach has been feeling bloated, esophagus feels sort of weird and... sore throat on the rise...

Though not as fancy as walking myself into the wall.... Something new I did today, I guess..  8-O lol sigh

Monday, May 2, 2011

Today I hit the wall

Today I hit the wall... literally...

The body has the tendency doing its on thing.

For instance, sometimes, the body would move 45 degree off my target direction... called going straight ahead...

Yet, as long as I am moving forward, I would simply go along with it... like... anything else I can do? 8-O lol sigh

Then, after my meeting with the eye doctor today and after them eye drops got my pupils all dilated, somehow, my ataxic gates became even more aberrant...

After I picked up my meds from the pharmacy, I was walking back to the lobby of the hospital... then... I literally walked into the wall...

I knew it was there.. just my body decided to take me to hit the wall... 8-O lol sigh

Don't give up

On my way back from the hospital where I visited an eye doctor and a doctor for my stomach... oops... I was a bit tired.

Might have something to do with the time of the month thing, my body hasn't been too happy today as well..

As I wobbled down Fu-hsin south road, I was not a happy camper but I kept on wobbling away till I finally reach the intersection of Zhonghsao east road.

This gentleman approached me with a pack of Kleenex in his hand... his only hand...

"Buy a pack?"

I looked back at him... possibly with not much livelihood due to pure exhaustion etc.

"I didn't recognize you!"  So he exclaimed.

He had seen me walking up and down this intersection many a time... before and after I got back to be caned.

We might have chit-chatted a bit... and...

As I was getting myself ready to cross the street, so he had me told,  "Don't give up!"

I looked back, wanting to say "thank you," but, ended up gave him only a smile back... perhaps... because that was somehow to overwhelming a dasein moment.

And, I wobbled on... in all ways towards all directions.. I wobbled on...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Deportation for nukes?

There were anti-nuke demonstrations in various parts of Taiwan yesterday, including Taipei.

After my physical therapy, I came across the crowd on the street and walked with them-- joined the parade-- for a few steps... on the sidewalk because my body was a bit tired... might have something to do with the little resistance I added to the stationary bike.

I would have loved to walk along with them through the entire trip.  Instead, I found myself busy looking for a place to take a rest while cheering for them.

Although Taiwan has a lot of resources, one thing it doesn't have is the capacity to withstand a, god forbid, nuclear accident.

Just so that you know, Taiwan is about 390 km in length and 140 km wide, with ranges of mountains bulging up in the middle of the island.

Currently, there are 3 nuclear plants running and one still under construction.

All 4 of these nuclear facilities put Taiwan in the known again because, according to a report of Wall Street Journal, all of our nuclear plants are... so to speak... very vulnerable.
If you take a look at the picture to the left, you will see where these plants are located with the big red icon indicating reactors currently operating and the lighter color one under construction.

Should one of the God-forbid nuclear accidents happen in the north and the residents need to be evacuated, there might over 6 million people that need to be moved to.... somewhere no farther than 390 km from the potential site provided that the nuclear plant right down south was all well and sound.

This is why, today, other than bitching about my mental and physical health problems, I also have an opinion about the nuclear issue...

Although we can't' simply close them all down in one setting and in one day, there is a need for the development and implementation of replacements, especially when, after these days, I am coming to grasp the reality that...

Well, it is as if... ain't nobody on this planet knows exactly how to deal with the aftermath... including the properly decommissioned nuclear wastes.8-O

(Apparently, not only I am delusional but also ignorant.... 8-O lol 8-X)

With the fourth plant that has been under construction since I was a kid, for God's sake, despite of all investments already put forth, let it be.   Once you let it start, its effects won't stop for a long long time...

Unfortunately, in Taiwan, the only parties with 100% confidence and fidelity towards the future of nuclear energy seem to be the government, the electricity company and the nuclear regulator in Taiwan. 8-O

So, back to the parade, two ladies from Fukushima came to join the parade that I wished to have been able to partake.  And, apparently, they shared with people what they had to go through since 311... as refugees..

Then, it was in the news... though the events seem to be really peaceful and smooth...

Oops... the Taiwanese Immigration was considering about deporting them from Taiwan and might revoke their privilege to come to Taiwan without a visa in the future? 8-O

Apparently, they joined a parade and they spoke on stage.

Holly Cow... thank the American immigration to have not deported me years back... ever since I started giving talks in many a conferences in public... even worse, I might have also spoke in non-conference places in public as well... 8-X

Also, l most went to a parade for breast cancer and had wanted to get on to the David Letterman or Oprah Winfrey show... Damn... that would have added one more reason for the DHS to authorize immediate notice of deportation?!

Although this note might not get to these two ladies... these two ladies have my full support and, I bet, the support of many more Taiwanese.

My most sincere apology to them as a Taiwanese.

The only thing I can say is that... it is not the Taiwanese people... it's the immigration.... unfortunately... my immigration.

And, if the immigration says that... it is the law... well... the laws are in words and can't either interpret or execute themselves. 

Apparently, these ladies will leave soon voluntarily and, thus, won't be "deported".  I also hope that the visa-privilege revoking kinda BS won't come through.

Yet, the fact that these talks emerged... like how my body moves or how I walk at times... backwards, backwards... sigh