Tuesday, March 29, 2011

No iron woman?

I don't think I would ever be able to participate in the iron man/woman competition this life... and ever... (if reincarnation is necessary, I would op to be fertalizer for the next life... 8-O lol)

To be honest, even in my physically healthy day, it never came close to my mind the idea of participating in the iron man/woman kinda event...

Then, the result of the blood test, which was done on the day when the quake hit Japan, came out...

The neurologist told me, "Your iron level is 4."

Apparently, the iron level for ordinary female is somewhere somewhere between 40 and 60 (or 60 to 170 micrograms per deciliter... depending on the source.).

I looked at the doctor and said... "Well, maybe I should start munching on stainless steel."

The doctor replied, "Don't forget to spice it with some soy sauce." 

I am surely much closer to a "no iron woman" than I could ever imagine... 8-O lol

Car sold

Sold a car for the first time.... the car I bought for the shortest-lasting job that also contributed to my being hospitalized for throat ulcer... with the possibility of turning into Cellulitis.... end of November... 8-O lol

Ever since then... I have been sick to the stomach by all different kinds of illness and so on...

I bought the car also because... well... normalization... that seems to be what people do...

Today, sick and uncomfortable in all different ways nobody could understand and no cure apparently available, I decided to sell the car...

Sort of like... when was the last time I was normal and, today, I am the last person to be identified as a normal when moving down the street...

Come on... ab-normal is ab-normal.... stop trying to fit thyself into da niche de norm... Therefore, car sold.  8-O 8-X lol

At the same time, a thought that has been hovering around all these times... perhaps... things are simply not for me... 8-O 8-X

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What else could have been done with the nuclear plant?

Since the first explosion at the at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station, I have seen a whole lot of nuclear experts voicing their opinion about the situation but never heard of any suggestions.

For instance, the attempt to bring the temperature down with sea water was an act of desperation...

My only question to the whole universe of experts from then till now was and is...

"What else could have been done then and can be done now?"

Sunday, March 20, 2011


For the past few days, the media has been going into areas of devastation in Japan and shelters where several people have to share a piece of cookie on a daily basis.

I have been having this thought... wonder whether the media crew also brought with them some resources to alleviate the plights on site.

Then, earlier on, this program came on TV where this reporter went to Sendai after the quake and witness the devastation...

At some point in this program, I heard the following from the reporter... something like..

"The people were nice.  They gave us 4 packs of instant noodles and someone even ran home to make us four rice balls.  In the night, we have no place to sleep and we had to sleep in the van."

OK... I know it is a tough job to go all the way into the areas with such devastation...

Yet, just when I was pondering whether the media would leave behind the resources they brought...

Didn't they watch the news and figured out how the region might be in lack of resources?  How on earth can these media people take the instant noodles? 8-O

I flipped right there and switch to watch Jason Bourne.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

If only... delusional?

I never cried when I lived through the apocalypse known only to myself because the voices told me to be strong.

And, then, the order was restored and all quiet on the western front.  There was no point for anything.

There is one thing the non-delusional people can never comprehend: one's delusional reality is one's reality except for the reality shared by no other.

After almost 8-9 years, as I briefly watched the scenes in Japan on the news yesterday, I finally cried... for the present and.. perhaps... also for the past.

So they say... crying is cathartic in nature...

At the same time, it makes me ponder... only if it is me psychotic to the bone again or the manifestation of folie à deux... after we all get put on 800 mg of Seroquel and 500 mg of Depakote plus god remembers what, tomorrow morning we will all wake up and...

All lives and orders restored.

All pains and suffering dissipated... as if it has never happened?

"赤い夕陽の故郷" for Japanese

The Fight and Smile Japan Earthquake Relief Concert, a two-day event, raised almost 9 hundred million Taiwanese dollars.

Because I am disabled at home without income, all that I could do is to donate some pennies that I got from selling off my body (worker's com check) via my JCB credit card.  Though not much, hope will help and the money really go where it is supposed to go.

Hope everyone has done similar, too... though beware of scams as well.... this is why I went through red cross eventually.  It is very sad that such should be a concern and no good karma, no good karma... scammers...

In the Concert, Taiwanese singer 江蕙 sang "黃昏的故鄉"... the Taiwanese version of the Japanese song "赤い夕陽の故郷."

A song for Japan..

How do you supply oil?

I have this question... "What is the most efficient options to supply oil in Japan today?"

Still wondering... hope experts could get it resolved soon...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Air drop

Looking at people in the refugees running out of resources at places harder to reach... these past few days, I started to wonder whether the Japanese government ever consider "airdrop"?

I know... it's a dumb thought... they must have done that though not shown on TV....

That's what we do in Taiwan whenever the rescue effects can't reach people... especially after natural disasters.

Then, last night, on TV, someone else asked the same question....

I guess... Taiwanese think alike?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Welcome to Taiwan

The first set of US evacuees from Tokyo, Yokohama and Nagoya are arriving in Taiwan including the family and dependents of US personnels.

Ratprincess welcome you to Taiwan!

Send good energies to Japan

Whether this might or might not help, and, although people in Japan might not get this message, with Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, let's send some more good energies to Japan.

God, please, bless.

My writing

My friend encourages me to do some writing... sort of like... writing a book... perhaps about the whole 9 yards concerning the process of recovery... starting in Chinese...

My first reaction and the reaction that still holds ground now:

First, what meat could I possibly give you?

Second, OMG... it is too hard to type in Chinese.  The thought of having to type in Chinese freezes me right there.....

And this is the exact reason why I am still blogging in English.  8-X 8-O lol

That foreign ministry of mine

I don't like talking about this politics thing because I don't know much about politics.... yet...

At this point, a whole lot of countries have already taken all measures to help evacuating their residents from various areas in Japan... China, Germany, France....

Even the American Institute in Taiwan (the equivalence of an embassy since Taiwan is not recognized as a country) will suspend its visa services in Taiwan to support the evacuation of American residents.

The Foreign Ministry of Taiwan is still holding meetings to discuss what can be done?!

Leading one to ponder... What has been done above and beyond data collection?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

To the workers in the nuclear plants and all

Above and beyond the appreciation for all rescue workers, I think we all should send forth our highest regards and best wishes to those who are still by the nuclear plant site... assisting the attempt to contain the situation...

If there really is such thing as energy, let's all send good energy to all affected... protect their body and calm down all unwanted activities...

God... regardless of religions including the benign universe... bless...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Priority seating

I run away from crowd... though I could barely do the walk thing... let along running.... it's been years since I could run last... forgetting it now exactly what it felt to run.

I also try to avoid taking all sorts of vehicles, especially nowadays because even the vibrations of the engine makes my entire torso hurts and in discomfort.... although people said it shouldn't happen...

Then, even with the knee one can think of it (a Taiwanese expression)... my knees are giving up as well nowadays as a result of overcompensation... owing it to my back problems.

This adds even more complications to moving.  Since the different kinds of pains are in all different geographical locations, it is making it really difficult to decide which side to place the cane at... Sometimes I wonder whether I should switch to a walker except for... well... believe me, it ain't so easy to maneuver a walker either and it might be a bit too heavy for me...

In any case, I thought of Joe Versus the Volcano and decided to go back to the dip myself into the hot spring water of Beitou.

The trip over there was OK, although I had to find my way through all the scary people on a mission going somewhere to get to the trains, I did get seats in 2 out of 3 of the segments.

The trip home was more tiring than expected... my knees were not happy... shooting bad... though I could still move...

The trip between Beitou and the Taipei train station was a pretty long one and it was crowded... all seats were taken including priority seats.

Since I could still be on my two feet, I was not really in the mood of coming up to people and say...

"Hey, you, young guns, can you give away the seats to my mother the elderly and me the handicapped with a cane?"

8-O lol

At some point, two people got off the priority seats nearby.

I tried to get to the seat but my movements are, by default, too slow.

This seemingly healthy looking young man came rushing towards the seats... let someone like his mother take one and, after staring into my eyes, sat down on the other.

My mom was mad about what happened and I was too exhausted and in pain to be fussing about it.

The only comment I had was... "This is a manifestation of the lack of civil education."

To be honest, I fancy not priority seating since I can't wait to give it away fast enough.... 

As a matter of the fact, if one should be so entitled to priority seating, claim your priority seating to your heart's content because there's gotta be a reason?!

你那麼喜歡坐殘障座位... 那你就坐個夠吧!


Zen moment... zen moment...  8-O lol 8-X

Too awful a thought?  Come on... ain't like the object of my discussion is so civil anyways... 8-O lol

Delusion and reality

So I told my parents...

"What is happening in Japan was what I saw in my delusions when I went into the psychiatric ward (one of the times)."

They ignored it and their response might have something to do with:

1. They don't know how to respond to it.
2. They don't know how to respond to it.

and... most importantly..

3. They don't know how to respond to it.

8-O lol sigh

I am and will never be the only psychotic haunted by delusional horrors alike.

Neither will I be able to comprehend the experiences of the victims in Japan who lived and continue to live through the moments one at a time.  Nor could I imagine their struggles.

I think, no amount of delusions could be as bad as the reality as such just as:

"No dream, no matter how horrible, could be as bad as the reality of the camp."  P. 41 in Man's search for meaning by V. Frankl)

Then, I thought of the voices I kept on hearing at that point...

"Think good thoughts. Be a good person. (想好事,做好人)."

... above and beyond all things human interventions are capable of  or not...

... although it ain't so easy to think good thoughts at times... believe me...

With the nuclear thing... the issue got resolved at some point... and... guess this is the only time in life when the the entire world would wish for my delusion and delusions alike to be true.

Reminding me of how the voice had me told when painfully in bitter cold... "One step at a time."

And if you ask me why I keep on reloading the things of the past nowadays...

I don't know.

That is just the way it goes.

Some things trigger and the memories flash back... before it is, hopefully, buried again...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A world without boundaries

Last night, there was also a small quake in Taiwan while the global experts on were busy talking about whether the radiation problem from the nuclear plant in Fukushima could be contained.

In the meanwhile, the local experts in Taiwan were busy making their prediction about whether the cloud of radiation would, sooner or later, blow down to Taiwan.  Except for, so they said, there is  only 10% of the chance that it would come down because the wind is blowing to the west.

I suspect that the same thing must be occurring in China, north and south Korea and other countries.

They also mentioned about the plausible global impacts on all different industries... the chain effects...

Reminding me of what is on the back of my business card: "imagine a world without boundaries."

Well, we all would love to believe in the broadening of boundaries in our own domain.  At the end, we are but organisms resting on a host that's been lent to us.

They said that, above and beyond all rescue effects from all countries, two mother ships have arrived to assist in the remediation of the nuclear emergency.

In a phase when the nuclear power plants fall one after another...

Enough pains and sufferings!

God bless us all and help Japan!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Human good

Countries are sending rescue crews and resources to Japan.

God bless and people help people...

"Best wishes, Japanese! "

I believe this is many others' wishes for you, too!

If I am using this phrase correctly, "がんばる/がんばってください!"

Anyone reading... let's pray for Japan and mankind!


Went to see a neurologist yesterday in the hospital.  In the waiting hall, we all had our eyes on TV, watching the unfortunate devastation in Japan and counting down on the time when the tsunami  might hit Taiwan.... somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00 PM depending on the location.

You see, due to the magnitude of the shock, the waves were taking their time migrating through the pacific ocean... thus the alert issued throughout the pacific region.

On TV, they were also talking about... with all these quakes all around recently, would Taiwan be the next especially where there was just the report of another earthquake in Hawaii?  Some also discussed the possibility of the reawakening of the 大屯山... a nearby volcano that's been napping for quite some while.

Anyways, regarding the tsunami, since there is nothing human can do, all that could be done was to evacuate people from the coastal area as the waves slowly drove...

Although I have lived through typhoon warnings in my entire life, this is the first time to be living through this thing called tsunami warning.... sort of reminding me of the last wave...

Reminding me even more, the day when I was at ER, knowing that there was natural disaster everywhere on the outside, riots and wars.  A day or two before officially institutionalized, I waited there patiently for it to get to me.

In the meanwhile, there was a total backlog in the que for the doctor I was scheduled to see... an hour or two...

As a result, many of us, waiting, were pondering.... "Would I get to see the doctor before the tsunami hits?"

Ended up, by around 5:30 something, I got to see the neurologist... in search of an anatomical answer to my condition.

At some point, the doctor told me to show him how I walked...

So I did my aka walk... the big bad bug looking kind of walk and the kind of walk that looks as if I were a puppet on the move maneuvered by a novice who holds the strings for the first time...

Among many things the doctor said, one thing that struck me the most was...

"Wow... your motor control is gone."

Interesting... Never in a million year would I have conceived of a description as such for my current condition...

In a state of global humanly incontrollable, this formal control freak pondered again...

The illusion of control?

Friday, March 11, 2011

God bless

They said that too much reality is not what people want... especially true when you find the images haunting you for all these years for all these years on TV... time and again... someone else's suffering in reality...

God bless... regardless of religions.

God bless.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

An insight

Took a trip back to my college today...

The same old way... via bus and walked... if not simply moved down the road... the same thing I used to do on a daily basis...

As I was on the bus, all agonized by the pains and discomfort resulting from the trip... an insight came to me...

For reason unknown, something always told me to get away... go somewhere...

So I kept on trying to get away and I got away for a while... and people laughed at how I have always been in God knows where...

Then, I thought to myself...

What it be like... "this" is what I have been running away from throughout my entire life? (With "this" entailing components of pains, mobility issues, bodily discomfort, depression and them psychotic kinda thing and more blah blah blah.  And, "this" I won't even intend to describe because my words would be too limited and would only result in the waste of bandwidth and disk space on the server. Not to mention that I have already described myself to death... more would only be redundancy... Ain't like I am running a telecom company... 8-O lol)

Except for... la forza... when the time comes, one shall be found.  Before the time comes, feel free to monkey around?! 8-O lol
It was as if I were but the monkey king roaming around not knowing... still on the palm of Buddha.... One day, the palm flips, under the "Five Finger Mountain" I go.... oops... 8-O lol

Speaking of the illusion of control...

Come to think about it... now I need my master except for... also... haven't heard from my master for a while... guess he might be up to do something more important like Dr. Strauss?  Gott sei dank.... Please feel free to keep yourself busy with something else.  8-O lol 8-X

Funny thoughts... gotta laugh it off... lol

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Eye cream

Last night was a benchmark.... I put on my eye cream.

If you ask me, "so what?"

Well, trust me, you ain't gonna be putting no nothing on if the center of your life is solely about... to be or not to be.  8-O 8-X lol

So I woke up today... thank God... so far so good... a not not to be day... 8-O lol