Friday, July 9, 2010


To end today's posting spree, I will share with you something I have been trying really hard to learn... 

So far as I am concerned, a lot of suffering in life are unnecessary.  I suspect that it might be the young Werter's sorrow kind of stuff that might have sustained my propensity to maintain or establish the suffering kind of state I might entrap myself in once ever so often.

Can't quite give you a solid example now but it must be evident somewhere in my year's of blah blah blah.... 8-O lol oops...

The key  point...

It is no good to suffer because it does not make me happy and I don't like it anyway.

As a result, I reflect upon this question every once in a while...

Aches and pains and physiologically based things... I have no control over them.

Other things do make me feel... Oh... how I suffer!  Ya, sometimes gotta cut myself some slacks as welll

Yet, have I made myself suffer unnecessarily and excessively?

If yes, my newly developed and developing self-training style would be applied... back to conditioning... 

I would beat myself up so bad with my mouth till I dare not do it again.... till something happens or I find myself slip back... then... conditioning again... 8-O lol 

God Never Blinks

Came across this book called God Never Blinks by Regina Brett when I stopped by Barnes and Noble today during my daily walk.

Following are some of the lessons I find most interesting and could help me to recenter myself:

Very applicable for people with paranoia and delusions like me...

  1. What other people think of you is none of your business. (There goes the reiteration of my can't-mind-my-own-business disorder) 
  2. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. (Actually, nobody else really gives a rat's ass. 8-O lol oops...)
  3. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?" (This would be helpful if you can't snap yourself out of the looping thoughts and, in a perfect situation, the above two should be sufficient.  If the looping thoughts still don't run dry after a long while and keep on building on, check the meds. 8-O)

    What I have tried my best to apply...

    1. Always choose life. (and... health, happiness and love)
    2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
    3. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
    4. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
    5. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
    6. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
    7. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
    8. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
    9. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
    10. Pay off your credit cards every month.
    11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
    12. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

      Some other quotes...

      1. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
      2. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
      3. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
      4. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
      5. Believe in miracles.
      6. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
      7. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
      8. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

        Virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication

        Today, I read that time magazine has listed Farmville, a game I have been playing on facebook, as one of the 50 worst invention.

        Interestingly, last night, I was pondering to myself about this thing I would call... "Virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication"... or facebook games such as Farmville.

        Cafe World

        Or other online games alike.... that are...absolutely brainless, not all that exciting and involves this mechanism called click till you die... 8-O lol

        I don't know what other people get from playing these games...

        One thing I do know is that...

        The what would otherwise be considered as boring tasks: cooking them dishes in Cafe World, growing crops in Farmville, collecting bonus/rewards through news feeds, sending and receiving gifts to facebook friends etc... definitely helps to slow and calm me down....

        And, I thought, over a month now on 25 mg Seroquel only, my head somehow kept on getting clearer and clearer... In addition, after an entire year of struggling, now I finally could really read.  I now also feel more like I am in this world... (though... no doubt, I am still psychotic and my body could do things as abnormal as could be, which I have become accustomed to after these past two years...)

        Maybe... part of it is the contribution of the "virtual generation atypical antipsychotic medication"? 8-O

        How does it work?  I am not even gonna further entertain it since it defeats the purpose of having total concentration in brainlessness. 8-O lol

        Does it really work?  How is it even my business anyway since my business is to find ways to live and..... especially when different things work for different people and the effects might even vary within the same person?