Monday, January 25, 2010

Quote from House

Came across this really nice quote from House... by this presumably normal guy...

Something like...

"How can something so real be not true?"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Silently Disabled

For ordinary people, disability is an abstract concept.  A concept is something that comes into your head and goes away when out of sight, out of mind.

For people living with non-progressive disability, disability is a way of life that comes with a whole bundle of packages.

In addition, even you are disabled in your own way, sometimes your understanding of others could only go so far because... I can only draw references about your plight from my own experiences.  The experiences I have no idea about which I have been taught to be awful... all that I could do is to assign an empty awful tag and act accordingly.  For instance, I don't know what is RSD but since the lady seems to suffer a lot based on her report, it's gotta be awful.  However, this void tag and response could only go so far because, in split second, the label itself turn void and you forget what the label might entail.  At the same time, when she started to talk about pain and mobility issues... that I can connect with and now there comes a more meaningful sense of awfulness.

Also, after a certain point and million a time, you stop trying to explain because all starts to sound like simply an excuse to yourself.

The adjustment to disability itself is a process developing along with the actions and reactions in time and the context provided.

A common theme emerging.... from comparisons between incidence and indicators to indicators

Can't quite name the core yet though all others seem to interlinked to the core.

Yet, I have the feeling... almost time to see the regression line... if you know what I mean...

At the same time, what would be the implication of measurement and evaluation here?  A gateway towards compassion?  (A category might or might not link to the core.. pondering)

Another interesting thought... if I have so much problems doing thing as a result of my problems, why don't I simply stop trying?  (I didn't just think of that... 8-O lol)

A final note about my postings

Again, 99% of the times I have no idea what the heck it is in my head and that is coming out of my mouth, since I have been trained to not give a rat's ass about the products of my existence, my suggestion would be for readers to not quite care about my blah blah blah for fear of "the shining" effect.   8-O lol 8-X

Sort of like what they say about emerging and forcing...

Also kinda like the constant updating process of this post... what exactly are my thoughts trying to convey?  What do I care if not how could I care?  For... in time, it shall emerge... I guess? 8-O

What would be interesting to see though is... if theory is a process... what's your theorizing process?

Monday, January 18, 2010


I have been intending to make this posting for weeks if not months.... something told me it was not yet time until now.

I have been having this feeling and talking to some of my friends about this thing I might call allergy.

It is as if I have become allergic to pursuits involving my head.... at least...

Every time I try to read and try to do the work necessary to complete my academic assignments, my psychotic symptoms go on a field trip and I feel physically no good....

Worst of all, the things I try to read and learn about become my delusions and hallucinations.

The only thing I could do, in addition to take my meds, is to do nothing, to do my sleep-walking or do my swinging exercise..  with the purpose of these brainless activity.... seemingly... to erase it all which eventually would lead to the "waking up" moments.... (a never-ending theme nowadays.)

If I try to do "too much," my body and mind would take the whole day or two to take me off such tasks....

There would be no point to fight it since there ain't no nothing you could do to fight it....

This is something nobody, I guess, could understand since I can't understand either myself....

How do I know these are delusions but not simply some non-delusional beliefs?

I intend not to persuade anyone about insanity but... following would be the example...

I have been reading or try to read about the grounded theory method.

There has been much phenomena emerged associated to what I learned about it...

One night, after I read this article, I decided to make some smart ass comments and post it in this blog....

"An interesting theory proposed by Stern (1994) about the divorce of the parents for Grounded theory.  According to Stern, the crux of the divorce might have resided in their MO....

“I think, that Strauss, as he examines the data, he stops at each word to ask, “What if?” Glaser keeps his attention focused on the data and asks, “What do we have here? Straus brings to bear every possible contingency that could relate to the data, whether it appears in the data or not. Glaser focused his attention on the data to allow the data to tell their own story.” (P. 220)

.... no wonder I have split-heads.... 8-O lol

Be serious... how do you reconcile the differences?  That would be the question...."

I made this post on December 30th. Right after I publish this post, I had this sense of fear... this feeling that somebody is unhappy.

Since I read from somewhere that Strauss has passed away in, I thought, 1996, I could not help but think that it was Strauss that was upset about my making it something so light.

Thereafter, I felt Strauss's "presence" and "guidance." Strauss told me to focus on the first chapter of the book "The Discovery of Grounded Theory for instance."

When taking my daily sleep-walking kind of walk, grounded theory related contents also came looping around like broken record in my head.... For instance.... I walked on and on with "emerging versus forcing" in my head... for many a block if not many a mile...

And, every time when I try to push something through... "Emerging... emerging......."

At the same time, there have even been times when I was instructed to stop reading and to start doing other brainless activities because "you have to take care of your health."

One night, as I was doing my swinging exercise in front of TV, I felt the presence of Strauss moving away... Apparently, the intensive mentoring program had ended and all that he has to do now is to pop in at times to do some advisement. 8-O lol sigh

Was talking to my friend about it earlier today and I said...

"I heard of "the neighbor's dog made me do it." Yet, in this case, it is the methodologist himself's spirit led me through it." 8-O lol sigh

These are but some of the examples that lead me to think once in a while...

Why is it for the others... things... so easy?

Why can't I simply get some writing done without all these strange things?

Then, as I was typing out the above qestions...

In my head.... "Emerging...."

And, en route to this posting through the past few months… in addition to all of the above and more… I stopped by sleep walking… swinging… origami tessellation… knitting… and so on to keep myself in one piece during the emerging process….


Was hanging out with this good old friend of mine this afternoon...

One flattering comment he made...

"You are the sanest person I have known.  This possible has to do with the fact that you know you are insane."

Ya.  The good thing about these good friends of mine is that... well, for them, I just just who I am.  8-O lol

I sincerely thanked him for this flattering comment.

At the same time, the benefit of being insane is there is no need to doubt your own sanity because.... insanity... that's a given... so get on with it.  8-O lol

Or like...

"You crazy?  I am not gonna waste my time and energy defending my insanity." 8-O lol

Ratprincess lost

My necklace broke and I lost my pure gold ratprincess pendent today.

Now I feel depreciated.

And, man, that ratprincess has been with me for over a decade if not two.

At the same time, I think I dropped my pendents when I went to the washroom in a clothing store while waiting.

This lady when came out from the toilet was staring at me in a strange way... it was not when I got into the toilet did I realised that the neclace was broken...

When I came right back out, one pendent was on the floor and the gold one was no place to be found.

Someone I had the feeling that it was that lady who knew it was me who lost it and took it anyway.  If it were true, that wouldn't be too nice and wouldn't be good karma either.

Since it was pure gold, it might worth a bit more than a few dimes...

Just in case....

That round and gold pendent with a rat on it has gone through a whole lot of different times with me... Shall anyone find it and decide to keep it... you might wanna do some energy work on it.... because... God knows what has gone alone with it.... 8-O oops...

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Haven't posted here for a while because I decide to keep this phase of my mumble jumble to myself given that... after all these years.... same old same old...

Still I can't defy this feeling that... somebody reading my internal journaling posted in my private blog.

Still positive....

At the same time, anyone ever heard anything about my internal dialog?  Please post a comment....

(At the sound of the above question... OMG... Jesus Chris... )

Monday, January 4, 2010

A quote on meaning

Nice quote about Blumer's symbolic interactionism... something I haven't came across since 1997... I think... (OMG... I am getting old... 8-O lol 8-X)

"Objects do not have any intrinsic meaning- that meaning is conferred on them by us- and that different people, and the same person at different times, may confer different meanings on the same object." (Hammersley, 1989, p. 135)

Even better... in Blumer's own words:

“Human beings act toward things based on the meanings that the things have for them; the meanings of such things is derived from the social interaction that individual has with his fellows; and meanings are handled in, and modified through an interpretive process and by the person dealing with the things they counter.” (Blumer, 1969).

Hammersley, M. (1989). The Dilemma of Qualitative Method: Herbert Blumer and the Chicago Tradition. . London, New York.: Routledge.

Blumer, H. (1969). Symbolic interactionism: perspective and method Los, Angeles, CA: University of California Press.