Wednesday, March 27, 2013

DWM and bend and snap

Totally gonna stick to two and a half pills of 25 mg Seroquel until the last minute since them higher level cognitive processing that is required for yours sadomasochist to work on this psychotic model of my cuckoo head is a real...@#$%& (meaning I am not gonna go down on dosage until the fish on the cutting board thing gets too unbearable and, of course, before esophageal spasm strikes however sedated I might be the entire day as long as I have sufficient cognitive capacity to do 1-2 hours of da work to ensure Seroquel can shut the head down afterwards sucessfully...)

Higher level up, thought racing propensity up, grandiosity up and delusions also up... like bend and snap it never fails! 8-O 8-X lol

As per Elle in Legally Blond, "In my experience, it has a 98% success rate of getting a man's attention and when used appropriately -- it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation. It's called the 'bend and snap.'"

As per yours truly, I might have to swap "a man's attention" to "my symptoms''" attention and "a dinner invitation" to "an increase in medications." 8-O lol 

 (The sole reason why I am making this post public is to show you the famous "bend and snap" that never fails! 8-O lol)

(This is cross-posted in Neologism in Ratology.)

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Even though I didn't go all the way... I lived through a miracle today...

Even though I didn't go all the way... today... I walked down and up the 清水斷崖 Chingshui Cliff... though having many people passed me by on their way all the way down to the water and on their way  back up.  The same day when someone came to visit my regain.

It doesn't matter... today, I walked down and up the 清水斷崖 Chingshui Cliff without a cane and I am damn proud of it!

An accomplishment and miracle recognized only by mes, myselves and Is.  lol sigh (Mes, myselves, and Is?  Enough of recognition... COME ON! lol)

It ain't like miracles gets recognized by me everyday... I surely cherish my miracle!

Maybe, that day might come when, one day, I could say... today I went up and down 清水斷崖 (Chingshui Cliff)  and touched the pacific ocean... (though still... one day at a time and one step at a time since I have lived my share for the day!)

Ratology- Handicapped at Large: 清水斷崖 Chingshui Cliff: I walked down 清水斷崖 (Chingshui Cliff) today... sort of... although I did not get to go all the way down... I did managed to go down and back...

Sunday, March 17, 2013

When would I like my onset to be served?

Never thought this would be a question until just now...

So, I was looking for some literature about late onset of psychosis and came across statistics like the following from this 2001 article by Steven D. Targum titled "Treating Psychotic Symptoms in Elderly Patients":
  1. 10% of first-episode cases of schizophrenia do occur in patients who are older than 45 years. 
  2. Delusional disorders appear in men between the ages of 40 and 49 years, and in women, between the ages of 60 and 69 years. 
This got me thinking... though I prefer to live through my life without onset... I think I will be settled for the late onset in the late 20s rather than one in the 40s.

Can't imagine myself having to live through the past decade and more starting at this age or later... and coming to understand a bit more a day what Ratology is talking about...

If it is destined to happen, good thing that it happened way back. Consider it as God's blessing, I guess. 8-O

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Ratology Reloaded: I am still in love

Someone came to visit this post... synchronously, it was a few days ago when I was thinking to myself... "Haven't serenade my love for a while..."

Oh... my love... my darling...

Ratology Reloaded: I am still in love: As I was going through some old writing, it came to my attention that... oops... it seems like... I have not spoke of DHS for a while... ...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Am I creative?

I had a dinner with an artist, a composer and a artistic psychologist today.

Since I am nothing artistic, I told them frankly so when they were brainstorming about how an exhibition could be laid out in an art gallery.

At some point, my friend the psychologist asked me something like... "How are you creative?"

Took me an extreme amount of tangential thinking to get to the answer that... (within context of another discussion topic people at the table were engaging in: the trade-off between diversification and specialization in their professional development)

Sure, I am not like artists who can create art and musicians who can compose nice music...

One thing I had was diverse training, if not backgrounds. Although now I have scaled it all back into one single dot (DWM) and leave all other diverse background slacking around, I can still draw references from them departments of "hanging there doing nothing" when needed.  That ability to draw references from the departments of "hanging there doing nothing"... shall there be anything creative about me... maybe that's how I can be considered as creative? 8-O

So... in a nutshell, what I see as an indicator of my creativity is the ability to retrieve prior knowledge stored in long-term memory?  (A revelation unfolded ours after the end of my tangential thinking... 8-O lol)

Psychosomatization buster

I was in the PHD (pile high and deep) grade of a piece of crap state yesterday...  the head on the dark side of the moon and the body in extreme discomfort... all tensed... could barely move... drastically different from the day before... when I happily got back to my walking routine after recuperating from them miserable days with da sinusitis and associated upper respiratory problem.

What happened?

That mother of mine who just had an operation to remove Cataract Friday afternoon won't stop trying to bend down and lift things... including taking the garbage out which involves opening that heavy metal door... while I was sleeping or while I went out for 2-3 hours for physical therapy.  I kept on telling her to stop but she kept on insisting on doing things her own way...

Finally I blew up big...

I don't get mad usually... partially because when I really get really upset, both my body and mind suffer... and really suffer.  My folks are my Achilles' heel, 99.9% of the times, shall there be sudden change in my bodily condition, no doubt... it would have something to do with my parents... and chances are... something to do with their well-being.

So I blew up and go REALLY mad... 氣死, 氣死, 氣死啦!!!

Then, it feels as if my body was blowing up like a balloon with Qi building up without any release... from head to toe... bloated, bloated, and bloated... as if I were to explode.  While in extreme discomfort, I also couldn't keep myself awake... So I took a short nap... only to find out after I woke up that my entire left side spasmed so bad that the body was bending towards the left side... and... the entire left side was semi-paralyzed (unless my mom got me so upset that I had a stroke, sounds familiar... left side semi-paralyzed)... I couldn't lift my left hand and leg.   When trying to get to do my physical therapy, I had to take many a stop because I got tired and out of breath so easily.  And... the way I walked... it was more like I was constantly swinging the left side of my body forward... though I did get my therapy done and got myself home.
To wash hands, I had to use my right hand to lift my left hand.  To get into the bathtub, of course, I had to use my right hand to lift my left leg...  Yet, so I thought... as long as one side of my body works...  at least I could still take my clothes off, take a shower and manage to put the clothes on...

So I went to bed early... by 10 o'clock... only to wake up 4 hours later... wide awake... not able to fall back to sleep and in pain... with severe nerve pain literally from head to toe...  I decided to get up, put some body cream with Lavender essential oil on, and, later, took an Alleve.

Waking up this morning, the left side was still weak but far better than how it was yesterday... Then, after some of my swinging thing (which I couldn't do at all yesterday), I took my less-crappy sory body to see my rehabilitation doctor.

I told him what happened and I couldn't get the Qi in my body to flow because it was too stalled.  The doctor took a look at me and was in agreement with me...

After I laid on my stomach, he did something on my left hip and right hip like what the bakers did in the Japanese anime 烘焙王 (Yakitate!! Japan)... kneading the dough... 8-O lol

After I got up, I felt... much relaxed and Qi flowing down...  I walked in to the clinic with a flavor of a limp, I walked out... less limping and, as I kept on walking on, trying to relax more, I walked better and better...

What I have described so far... after getting all upset, the body became immobile and suffered excruciating nerve pain... you can't get a better psychosomatic example than this... no doubt... psycho (upset) leads to soma...

Since what happened to me is, no doubt, the manifestation of psychosomatization and it took my doctor 2 minutes to get it resolved, so I thought on my way home... observing that the weakness on the left side gone and my getting back to, not limp, walk,...  that should make my doctor the psychosomatization buster... whether you buy in the concept of Qi or not... or you consider it a manifestation of self-fulfilling prophecy or not... (and, of course, the effects might not last too long if I continue with my  "氣死, 氣死, 氣死啦!!!" routine... In a sense, sustainability is dependent on the patient la!)