Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Something someone said reminded me that I have not posted anything here for a while...

I-20 expired again and now I have about a month and a half, as per immigration law, to get myself back to feeling alive cuz...  if ain't no nothing gonna happen, such as me winning the green card lottery etc, at least... I gotta be in a state more awaken and alive than now by the time I arrive in Taiwan... 8-X

Anyways, though long story... I must have written something alike before...

To share with you here is quote from "coloring Mandalas"... some words absolutely speak for my life's experience nowadays...

"Fragmentation, confusion comes about because the pattern is beyond your compreshension."

At this point, I stop or try to stop wanting to figure out whether I have completely lost it or something strange is in the air...  Too much thinking is useless since most of my thoughts are transient and don't need to be encoded in long term memories anyways-- a waste of storage space, I guess... 8-O lol

All that I can say is I have never lived my life so hard in my entire life... partially having something to do with the fact that... it takes extra amount of work to live a life when you feel so dissociated or disconnected from the rest of the world while, at times, the sense of dissociation would get so bad that you would feel even your "self" dissolve.   (Don't understand what I mean?  That's fine.  I don't understand the majority of the things I somehow have to experience either.  It makes at least the two of us.)

My past experience would tell me that this is... once again... the indication that I am overdosed again... except for... it was only about 2-3 months again when the dosage when down to 50 mg of Seroequl?!

In any case, one thing I am sure is that...  I am not gonna BS you about not having this big fear about metamorphosis... as in

(Saw this bookcover @ barnes and noble and love it... Am I turning into a da bug? 8-O lol sigh)

And, the matter of the fact... perhaps... the learning that has incurred, at least in the last 3 years, more than I could bargain for above and beyond the contribution of formal school education... though I didn't ask for it.  8-O lol 8-X

For instance... there ain't no nothing more important than health....  lesson extracted through my encounters  with total disability in different flavors in recent years....  And, of course, that me I used to know, if not be, for example, would not be able to understand.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Psychotics rarely yawn 8-O

Somehow I came across this following passage as I was exercising my newly and developing skill called... reading... at Barnes and Noble....

So I picked up the book and flipped through the page till I landed on a passage about yawning... some strange habit I can't shake...

"psychotics rarely yawn".... except in the case of brain damage.


Not quite sure really how to read this..... 8-O lol 8-X

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Can't read

Twice in a day, this topic of "can't read" came up after I logged for myself yesterday in my private journal that now I am finally regaining my ability to read again in baby steps.

So I have been saying... it is this kind of never-ending synchronicity that got me stuck in my psychotic state.

A blessing in disguise... nowadays.. I only have memory the size of an atom.... would be nicer if it were the size of peanuts.


The materials I can process now while at the onset of relearning to read... still relatively selective... mostly related to the maintenance of my beauty and health... such as...


How much do I believe in the things I now finally can start reading?

Well... as long as I don't have allergy... it ain't gonna do me any harm to be spraying on me myself some Aqua Rosa Italiana, I guess... 8-O lol

Well... shall I be right...  my ability to read is slowly coming back.... what I might need to figure out... how to learn to use this skill without breaking myself... yet, again, apart.....

What not to do when calling 8772476116

I got a million calls on my answering machine looking for "Y Chung" or "Y Chang"... Like the following....

Finally, I called them back tonight trying to figure out who the hell is calling me and what for.

So, I asked this woman who answered my phone call what kind of debts they are collecting.

She, instead, asked for the last 4 digits of my social.

I told her... "I am not gonna give you the last 4 digits of my social. That is private information."

She then asked for my birthday. "I am not gonna give you my birthday. That is private and confidential information."

Then, she gave me a wrong last 4 digits of my social and a wrong birthday. And, she told me... sorry... we got the wrong person.

Later on, I realized that... wait a minute... I do recall now that for many a time... I received these debt-collection mail for someone called "Y Chung" (not even my name) and I actually called them back to tell them that I've never had a Victoria's Secret's card and... although I ain't got nothing... me ain't got no debt either except for... oops... gotta take care of some of the bills I haven't got to....

Don't know what it might sound for you.

For me, it seems fishy and I think it is a scam.... and... speaking of... identity theft kinda thing.

Did some googling around only to find out...

I am not alone....

It would be interesting though... to see whether they will be calling me back again...