Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Learning to read

It seems like every time I try to read adult kind of stuffs (I can read children's book without words well), my body and head gets into trouble and it would take forever, such as days, for me to recover.

The major task I am trying to do today and the days to come is to learn to read and to find ways to minimize its damages.  8-O

One plausible principle that might be useful is un-attention-un-deficit and one adaptive strategy I have come up with is to do something else distracting such as knitting while trying to read.

At the same time, reading is not the only thing that drives mes crazy.

It just came to my attention last week when trying to help this friend preparing her dataset to be analyzed.... my psychotic symptoms went for a field trip and my body went down south as well.

When the dasein moment of them fearful delusions emerged when I was doing coding or data analysis, I actually had to outsource my delusional beliefs to calm them dasien down so that I could push the thing through...  Interestingly, after I decided to leave it to my delusional protective figure in my imaginary world to help taking care of my delusional moments of extreme fear, them dasein sort of went away leaving more manageable symptoms floating around... 8-O  lol sigh

What I mean by the dasein moment... example... someone I care or not is going to die or hurt really bad... as I have described too many a time.

Some other commonly observed indicators... yawning, tearing, really deep breathing as if there is old air that needed to come out of my chest, mouth and eyes....

I don't know how them experts might classify this kind of condition.

Not my issue anyways...

Time to get back to my unknitting...

At the same time, something tells me.. incidences are but peripheral and if it were not one incidence, it would always be another....

It is just part of the  process... and that is just the way it is.

I won't be stuck in this state forever... in the meanwhile, the question... How long is it going to take before I finally could grow out of this strange form of disability?  I suspect... the same answer my doctor in Taiwan gave me when I asked him... "When could I walk again?"

"Depending on you."

Delusional or not?  Well... at least this is a belief I can manage....

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