State

Something someone said reminded me that I have not posted anything here for a while...

I-20 expired again and now I have about a month and a half, as per immigration law, to get myself back to feeling alive cuz...  if ain't no nothing gonna happen, such as me winning the green card lottery etc, at least... I gotta be in a state more awaken and alive than now by the time I arrive in Taiwan... 8-X

Anyways, though long story... I must have written something alike before...

To share with you here is quote from "coloring Mandalas"... some words absolutely speak for my life's experience nowadays...

"Fragmentation, confusion comes about because the pattern is beyond your compreshension."



At this point, I stop or try to stop wanting to figure out whether I have completely lost it or something strange is in the air...  Too much thinking is useless since most of my thoughts are transient and don't need to be encoded in long term memories anyways-- a waste of storage space, I guess... 8-O lol

All that I can say is I have never lived my life so hard in my entire life... partially having something to do with the fact that... it takes extra amount of work to live a life when you feel so dissociated or disconnected from the rest of the world while, at times, the sense of dissociation would get so bad that you would feel even your "self" dissolve.   (Don't understand what I mean?  That's fine.  I don't understand the majority of the things I somehow have to experience either.  It makes at least the two of us.)

My past experience would tell me that this is... once again... the indication that I am overdosed again... except for... it was only about 2-3 months again when the dosage when down to 50 mg of Seroequl?!

In any case, one thing I am sure is that...  I am not gonna BS you about not having this big fear about metamorphosis... as in

(Saw this bookcover @ barnes and noble and love it... Am I turning into a da bug? 8-O lol sigh)

And, the matter of the fact... perhaps... the learning that has incurred, at least in the last 3 years, more than I could bargain for above and beyond the contribution of formal school education... though I didn't ask for it.  8-O lol 8-X

For instance... there ain't no nothing more important than health....  lesson extracted through my encounters  with total disability in different flavors in recent years....  And, of course, that me I used to know, if not be, for example, would not be able to understand.