Thursday, November 24, 2011

So he popped the question...

Went to the interview this afternoon...

I knew I haven't published etc.

Except for... I have heard it from my own mouth all these times but not from the others... (and people had me told that I was being pessimistic.)

The nice gentleman gave me an interview and popped the question...

"If seems like you haven't had any publication since almost 2004?"

And, he mentioned something like, "There isn't any evidence to really show whether you are capable of conducting research."

I was not to refute his opinion because that was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...  To be honest, I would feel very bewildered if this question was not popped because it would be the same question I would ask shall I be in his position.... and the same thing I would say.  I also bet... the same thing any other interviewer in academia would say... (and, that's why I actually retracted my application for this other human cognition related position.)

I responded, "I know."

And, to be honest... I think he was being really nice.  Personally, I don't even consider what I have done as "publications" since, for me, publications are what get published in academic journals-- not those presented in conferences and be included in the proceedings-- just that... something gotta be put in the resume, I guess... 8-O 

Regardless, come to think about it... ever since the data collection of my dissertation....

For the validation study of this Information Technology survey I was trying to put together... the collaborating professor left the school...adios them data...

My supposed-to-have-been husband ran away and so went the write up of this other project.

I turned disabled and lost the job at this place... gone are the write up of the program evaluation project I was preparing so hard for....

Was trying to come up with some publication this summer with this friend's project that I helped setting up... Yet, due to circumstances, it flew over the rooftop as well...

This other survey research I was trying to complete during the summer... somehow after all these months, no data points collected at all...

What the heck is going with all my attempts to conduct studies based on data collected from the others? 8-O

Hate to say it but almost like a cxxxx of some sort... me and the collection of data from the others... 8-X

At the same time, ain't nobody's fault... just the way it is... simply life and its unfolding.

Of course, I didn't tell that fine gentleman who might feel that he wasted almost an hour interviewing a, chances are, non-potential employee that...

I have my private project that's been going on since my last publication except for... I can't tell you or I have to adios you... (Don't think that'd be such a good tactic to tell him that... yo... I was busy conversing with God and Dr. Strauss.  What about that? 8-O lol)

Regardless, so I heard it for the first time in my life in an job interview... (Yes... dear, but where are your publications?)

I knew it was coming and I was prepared for it all along... I didn't mean to do it this way and it simply happened.  Interestingly, this is one reality that's shared by the entire world with me and without a doubt. (Don't know whether I shall thank God or not for it... 8-O lol sigh)

At least, one thing I can say to myself is... it ain't like I backed off before going for it... knowing what was to happen.

And, to all those people wanting me to go somewhere and be someone... yo... you can't blame me for not trying because I did try academia- just me ain't good enough.... :'-O 8-O lol 8-X oops.. (and, of course, would be nice to get a job... da job or any job... 8-X)

So I lived it. Something new in my life and non-redundant.  The way I somehow am destined to live it.... like many other things necessary or unnecessary for ordinary people.

It is just the way it is.

And.. "I feel fine..." if not... "Don't be such a baby." 8-O lol

And, so I thought... no wonder my family name is Chang (wow... there came part of my true identity)... absolutely 打不死的蟑螂.... a cockroach that simply won't die however it is beaten up... (And, honestly, I don't think there's  anything else that can give me a better beating then myself... some expertise, I say... grandiose or not... lol)

Oh.. lord... oh... lord... God, have mercy! 8-X

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