At the very beginning, there was Ratopia. Then, there's ratology. In ratology, we observe whether psychotic and neurotic people could amount to something. Then came the spinal disc herniation and impingement, bringing forth the stage of physical disability. Could someone like me go anywhere or amount to anything is the question. After the official ending of the second psychotic episode lasted for five years, I am ready to move on to the next phase of Ratology- as the solutions unfold.
"Wow, all three daughters in your family went into science?! Why did you choose science rather than art?"
I didn't quite remember why other than I am very vain and science seem to be the "Wow science" kind of thing.
The posting earlier today brought me back to my school days...
I have never been good in memorising things but they kept on telling us to memorise those old people's writing and deeds... in Chinese, History and Geography class in junior high school and senior high school so that you can pass the entrance exams to high school and to college.
I still remember the time when they tried to make me memorise what Confucious said and writings of people like Lao Tzu, and 崔瑗. In addition, why on earth would I care about Taoism etc? It was pure suffering and absolutely annoying.... and still the same I feel today. Yet, they made you them memorised... Today, I can recall hardly anything they try to make me memorise..... leaving enough fragments to googlise.... 8-O lol
Essentially, you try to make everybody like you indiscriminately. (Sort of like being fake and phony? Not quite sure how you translate it.)
An example would be...
Yesterday afternoon, I tried to walk down the stairs to the subway. Stairs are especially difficult for me and, after each step or two, I had to stop to recoperate before moving forward. Thus, it took me a long time to finally get to the station.
After arriving at the station, I tried to walk towards the direction of the first few cars. This was when yours disabled psychotic came across these two young kids....
They gave me this funny look and one of the woman said something like...
"Finally get here." Sounding sarcastic.
The other one added something like, "Because the night is still young."
Well, at this stage of my life, I am allowing myself to react so that I can move on to forget.
Thoughts ran through...
Ignorant people making fun of the plight of people with disability.
Live your life since I did complain to friends about how them people on wheelchair made the bus trip so much longer and that was the reason why I was late for the lunch.... 1-2 months right before the accident that shook me to a total disability state of being.
Sort of like what they said on TV... Life comes back at you fast. 8-O lol oops...
Regardless...
Think about it...
Two sentences I overheard from two strangers I walked past by in the subway station.
As I was waiting for my smoking counsellor while folding my Spread Hexagon Tessellation like a good girl today, this thought came up to me...
I have heard people making comments about how people or things are "so psychotic!"
What exactly does it mean for people or things to be "so psychotic!"
Is it like the "As I was waiting for my smoking counsellor while folding my Spread Hexagon Tessellation like a good girl" kind of phenomenon that people refer to when they speak of "so psychotic!"
And....
What is the difference between "so psychotic!" and "so neurotic!"--- even though it ain't quite matter to me since I am both psychotic and neurotic.... 8-O lol 8-X
One disorder I have not been diagnosed of... shall there even be such a diagnosis is the "can't mind my own business disorder"...
Unless, this is actually the etiology... 8-O lol
For instance, think about paranoia or self-referencing thinking...
Such as...
When I overheard one of this lady said to the other when I came out from my shrink's appointment... "It gets better... she would get worse."
Or... what this guy said to the woman standing next to him when I was trying to cross the street to take the bus earlier in the day... "At least it's gotta be 9 o'clock Tuesday night when...."
Mind your own business... why on earth do you keep on bringing other people into your imaginary world?
... while... if I can imagine it, someone gotta be able to entertain it.... otherwise there won't be such study about human cognition.... 8-O lol 8-X
Such a diagnosis or etiology is also applicable for the energy kinda stuffs etc....
Some people are allergic (i.e. have an electromagnetic allergy) to 50 or 60 Hz electromagnetic fields... (Well, I guess, next time you find someone that you dislike or distrust for no reason, you could think of it this way... I think I am allergic to their electromagnetic field... oops... 8-O lol)
At the same time, this leads me to ponder... Do people with similar personality occupy similar parts of the electromagnetic spectrum?
Or, do PCs and Macs create different magnetic fields and this is why some people feel more in tune with PC and others with Macs? 8-O lol
And, the perception of the electromagnetic field... is that what they call as aura? And, when people could see aura, is it because their electromagnetic field happen to be in the right frequency?
An interesting light reading about human existence and magnetic fields.... as I continue to be fascinated da ueber...
Tried to get out and move around and was only able to walk for as long as a block before it exceeds the body limits and the pain and spasm resurrects.
Needed to get some food for dinner... and I had to get some vegis from the fruit stand...
The longest block with 5 limping step at a time.
Sitting on the bench, staring at da tree... reminding of them winter's day and nights staring at da tree wondering whether there would be a day when I could walk again.
Would need to get back to my cane again.
However, it is much better than what I had to go through after the MRI scan... I think...
Did a whole lot of swinging thing so far today and would need more there after.
A pill of da Naproxen as well... after dinner so that I don't kill my stomach.
An interesting observation about swinging in pain....
Pain migrates to all different areas from head to toe and could occur simultaneously.... in all different forms... throbbing... sharp... shooting... needle pinning.. etc...
How does modern science make out of it?
At the same time, speaking of my hysterical personality disorder.
Just as I was thinking that things are getting better with my health...
Tried to help fixing a mistake today and to reshelf a few laptops...
My body struck back immediately.... and the pains and discomfort from head to toe resurrect..
It takes hours of physical exercises on a daily basis to maintain a semi-functionally disabled state of being...
To break it... takes only seconds... damn...
So I tried to get home... everything along with the cold... already back to... slow and stop.
The moral of the lesson... mind your own business and fix your own mistake... like it is going to take me a whole lot of swinging activities to get my body back... 15 minutes after my dinner...
If I can not stop making this mistake, I just have to live through the consequences and ain't nobody else could live the consequences for me.
You don't buy it? Come live in my body for a day and take the damages with you thereafter. (Now that should sort of scare you? lol)
Do I buy it? Doesn't matter since I live it everyday. 8-O lol sigh
Man... broken back mountain... when can I hike out of broken back mountain?
I have pondered many a time whether one diagnosis I am missing is hysterical personality disorder... for...
My life is extremely boring but there always seems to be some drama going on that even I care not to entertain no more...
Head status...
Body status...
Immigration status...
Financial status...
And, all other unspecified status...
While, there ain't no nothing really in my life...
I go to work. When permitted, do some studying. I do exercise... more importantly, I eat, drink, pee pee, poo poo, sleep... blah blah blah...
It is like there ain't no nothing happening in my life but some hysterical part of my existence can not stop trying to come up with some strange scenarios independent of my contribution... 8-O lol
Then, I thought of this lady I once knew but haven't seen for eons...
Everytime I bumped into her on the street...
There was always traumatic kind of drama.... never-ending drama and it felt as if there was no way to politely end the conversation because of... drama... drama...
It always felt as if her drama was dragging me down along with her...
Finally, one day, your psychotic and neurotic me was in a session with my shrink at the time...
I told him that somehow that woman had some really unwanted impact on me... with her dramas...
My shrink looked at me and spit this sentence out of his mouth.
"Avoid her (for your own sake). She's got hysterical personality disorder."
Of course, at some point, yours hypochondriac asked the doctor...
"I always have something to complain and cope about. Looking at her, do I also have hysterical personality disorder?"
The wonderful doctor must have looked at me with due amusement and perhaps with a smile....
"You are psychotic." (Oops... sorry, symptoms, for a second, I almost forgot where you are... 8-O lol)
So..... in any case, I look up the current DSM criteria for my potential Hysterical Personality Disorder.... and ponder... How many of them fit my profile? 8-O 8-X
God bless me with ignorance....
A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.
At the same time, what is the purpose of diagnosis? To figure out what you could do about to help yourself and the others, I guess.
While I have now turned my daily journaling inwards to my private blog, I continue to have the feeling that people still know what I write in my private dialogues.
OMG... they ran from Staten Island through Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, Bronx and back to Central Park West.... a good 26.2 mile distance... with local people and runners coming from all over the Globe...
Heroes... Heroes... a whole lot of heroes.... and speaking of Stamina.... I could barely walk 10 miles straight... and they completed the whole race in all different ways.... 8-O
When cheering and rooting for everyone on the road side close to the 23 mile benchmark, we saw across the street two girls carrying a sigh to cheer people up and to give them some encouragements to finish the race... "Think of Sex".... So the sigh said... Great motivator... perhaps... better than Mimosa... 8-O lol
Whit
-
Whit sounds like wit and according to dictionary.com, it means
a particle; bit; jot (used especially in negative phrases).
I have changed not a whit. I do...
A dream: Backpacking
-
On my way back from NYC to Taipei in April, I managed to get myself an
extended layover (over 2 weeks) in Japan, landing at and exiting from the
Narita Air...
Ratprincess in Technology not lost?
-
Given my sick-in-the-headness, sometimes it's hard to trust my LTM. Did
Ratprincess in Technology really exist or was it my false memory?
As I was marv...
Traces of the past
-
A link I found that has been live online from the Down with Meds age.
Apparently, the past has always been there whether I knew it or not.
Posts
