Scary

If there is one person I am most afraid of on this planet to me at this point...  guess who?

Yet, it would be me myself.  8-O lol

So, I let myself be a drama queen and whine and whined and whined... reminiscene about the times past while the time is, no doubt, always passing by.

It was either Saturday night and Sunday morning... when that drama queen part of me intents to come out and become, I guess, the daily queen... 8-O

OMG... The pending departure in less than a month if ain't no nothing happens... above and beyond all the other blah blah blah....

Sad... hurt... depressed... and so on, so forth...

Finally, I really was not about to entertain it any more...

So to myself I said... something like...

"If you can't enjoy the remaining time in New York and consider it a chance to live your life in New York, you don't deserve to stay and I am gonna go and book the cheapest flight tomorrow to shuffle your sorry behind right off this continent since you can be sorry anywhere.  Stop it already." 8-O 8-X lol

It is not like I won't allow myself to feel bad etc.  That would be counter productive.

It is more like... it doesn't make sense for me to make myself feel more miserable or worst off than the appropriate quota... If I were to over do it, I am simply entrapping myself in unnecessary misery and I won't even get any sympathy, empathy, and whatever-athy--- except for apathy--- from myself for such stupidity. 8

More importantly, have I done everything I could do and have I been responsible for myself?  I think so....

Not to mention, ok, not to discount your predicament, but... there are plenty of people who are worst off.

I must have gotten myself really scared and da drama queen stopped.

Then, when melancholy comes to visit, I still welcome it and entertain it since it is entitled to its place.  When I think I get it entertain well enough, with due respect, I say...

"Come again if you want but right now I've got to say bye bye."

Intuitively, this would be the most logical solution... 8-O lol

Whether I am really doing what I think I am trying to do is another issue...