脫竅

1 month or two after my June 19th, 2007 accident, mama cooked me an egg and let me cracked the egg open and eat it... 8-O lol

What it symbolizes is the idea of 脫竅 or 脫殼... essentially... get rid of the bad... bad... bad...



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Unfortunately, the egg my mama cooked that day was still raw and not yet done.... 8-O lol

It was around this hour 3 years ago when the chair collapsed... and my whole life shattered with it...

I lost everything.... essentially my health and who I thought myself was or was to be.

While everyone else is busy building their career, wealth, smart, etc, I was busy trying to find ways to piecemeal my body and mind together.

OK, I know it is exaggeration, but, I suspect that sometimes it is only healthy to allow myself to be a drama queen once for a while for the sake of it.  It is because... come on... when can I be "authorized" to mourn about my lost functionalities in my knees, shoulders, neck, back and head... especially when now the worker's com case has closed and I have sold my body for money (shoulders and knees only since nobody wants to pay for my back 8-O lol sigh)?  (And, yes, FYI... you don't get compensated for your pains and suffering.  You also don't get compensated for your back in scenarios like mine.  You only get compensated for permanent damages in your shoulders and knees.  It is simply the law. Please noted that here... I am focusing on what I lost.)

So I decided to cook myself an egg this afternoon.... I cracked it open and ate it.  So I took a second to investigate the boiled egg... This time, it is ready... (and I hope so since the egg is already in my stomach and I don't really want to eat this thousand year old egg raw... 8-O lol)



What is the purpose?

Guess, it is a ritual.

A ritual I participate in to help myself let go of the past.

I know that the arrival of June 19th, 2010 will not gonna bring forth a miracle... (I know I am certified crazy... but you think I am stupid?! 8-O lol)

I know I still can not run and I can only walk as fast as my body allow me to... etc.

I am still psychotic while symptoms manageable at a "really" low dose.

Yet, it is a benchmark for me.

Also, most importantly, I am still kicking...

And, the shell-cracking of a cooked egg and the act of eating it is not going to shrink me a whole size so that I can look like them skinny toothpicks on the street.

To be honest, my recent venture into exfoliation from head to toe might do a more real kind of job to help me get rid of my dead skin... and that is part of the ritual as well...  8-O lol

However, so far as I am concerned...

All else I might and might not accomplish with blah blah blah blah blah...

One thing I am sure is... and I just realized is... that...

That egg you saw me eating and was actually cooked well... neither too raw or too old...

That egg was the first egg I boiled in my entire life so far and I did not realize until today that I have never boiled an egg by myself in my entire life... unless... oh... my bad memory... Did I forget?   8-O lol 8-X