在劫難逃 III: 臭頭多藥

臭頭多藥 is a very earthy Taiwanese saying….

臭頭 means having dermatological disease on your head.

多藥 means many different kinds of treatments.

Essentially, this expression means that when you got no idea what to do with your sickness, all that you could do is to try out all treatments imaginable on this planet.

I have struggled for almost a whole year trying to recover from my spinal condition while all, including myself, agree that the degree of pains and mobility difficulties seem to exceed what my 6 herniated discs ranging from cervical, thoracic and lumbar area could explain. My sensitivity to pain also seems to be unheard of (according to this brother of mine who is an orthopedic doctor), especially the part when I claim to experience intensified pains when encountering vibrations or loud sound.

I suspect the worsening of my mental condition might also have something to do with the repercussion of the injury… however, apparently, depression seems to be the best documented psychological co-morbidity and I haven’t really come across cases involving psychotic kinda disorder as the co-morbidity.

When I was planning my trip to come back to Taiwan this year (only to find out today that the United States of America decided to not let me go back lol), I have made up my mind to adopt the status of a 臭頭 so as to proceed with the 多藥 strategy.

Within the past few weeks, I not only have gone to see orthopedics doctors and neurologists but, for the first time, received treatment using traction, acupuncture, chi-Kong (energy healing) and “God's” healing through psychic mediums.

Yours 臭頭 or Ratprincess had come to the realization that all of the 多藥 seems to be working on imposing additional pains, releasing blood and, sometimes, worsening mobility in order to reach the optimal treatment effects. Following are some of the alternative treatments I have newly experienced….

Traction or the modern 五馬分屍法:

My mom has been telling me to do the traction thing. Essentially, you are stripped to a seat or the bed while the moving part of the equipment tries to pull your head or your lower body away from the rest part of your body. The assumption is that… in time, we might be able to get that herniated disk less herniated.

Acupuncture or the purposeful enactment of 血光之災:

An aunt of mine is a doctor of Eastern medicine and is trained in acupuncture. Accordingly, the optimal effects of acupuncture come after extreme pains… As a result, the more painful, the better…. Essentially, there are two major types of pains. The first is the pains associated with having needles stick into a specific region or 穴道. The second is the pains triggered by these needles in remote regions.

In addition to the Mickey mouse amount of blood I shade due to the ordinary needling, my aunt also perform the art of 放血 in the back of my right knee. Funny enough, I really saw two types of blood on the tissue she used—fresh red blood and darker stickier blood.

Energy Healing:

My dad took me to this energy healer who asserts that all conditions could find a relief as long as our inner energy source is invoked. When I went to see the energy healer for the first time, she asked me to write my name down on a piece of paper and fanned the piece of paper to get a sense of, I guess, my energy field. I was informed that my whole spine is very much fucked up and my spinal problem might have caused problems in other parts of my internal organ. It was much later, after I received my free treatments from her disciples was I told that… I am so sick all over the places that… she actually had to go to the toilette to throw up after sensing my energy filed… 8-O (Oh, my lord… 罪過, 罪過 and here I 造業 again….)

Regarding the treatment, they lied me down on a couch and had two people placing three of their fingers at different locations along my spine. The amazing thing is that… I could sense it when they do it… In addition, their action did not result in a sense of comfort… on the other, the various degrees of pains at different part of my body were triggered. The pains did not stay at one location… rather, they moved around throughout my body….

Afterwards, when we were trying to get home… I realized that my “walkability” had gone back to a few steps at a time-- reliving the pains and disability I lived through the first few months after the accident on June 19th, 2007.

They had warned me, though, in advance of this phenomenon called 瞑眩反應.

Accordingly, the goal of Chinese medicine is to help the body build its own strength so as to perform self-reparation, which subsequently, might result in 瞑眩反應. 瞑眩反應 is natural healing process for the body. While some patients could experience immediate relief from treatments, others might actually experience the worsening of existing conditions. Still others might even find old problems that were suppressed but not cured to resurface.

I was told that, because my condition has lasted for so long and so severe, what the treatment might do is to trigger the worsening of my pains and disability before seeing improvement.

Call it self-fulfilling prophesy or psychosomatization… the immediate worsening of the condition—I lived it…

Chi-Kong: Ratprincess on fire-- 火氣 and元神

Then, my dad and my mom took me to this rehabilitation doctor who uses Chi-Kong in his practice.

The first day I went to see him, he must have done some work on work on the chi pathway… I don't quite remember today whether the pains became aggravated during the meeting… What I could not forget is the fact that, after the appointment, on our way home, I started to have more and more difficulties walking… fewer steps before a rest and more difficulties lifting my feet… until I could not life my feet at all--- regressing to the walking style I unfortunately adopted for many a day right after my injury. Thank God almighty, after the worsening of the gait, spasm, and, pain hit its height, my walking gradually became better to the extent that I eventually made it home…

Another manifestation of 瞑眩反應… I guess…

Interesting enough, based on his “chi-ish” observation, this doctor of mine suggested against my receiving the ordinary physical therapy practices (in other words, no more traction again) because, according to him, there are too many problems along my spine and these problems are small and difficult for people to observe. Given the nature of the problem, not only will other people be unable to fixed my really fucked up body, if they try, they would actually make things worse. The only way to get the condition resolved is to accept and allow our 元神 or 氣 or “Chi” that constitutes and created me to fix myself.

So far, I have seen this doctor about four times… The funny thing about my meeting with this doctor is that everything he does is “Chi” related. The first two times when I saw him, he tried to unblock the pathway of my “chi” by using his hands to make certain motions without even having to touch me. Yet, I actually sensed either the impacts or the changes in my body accordingly… 8-O

The only thing he told me to do is to lie down in bed and move my legs towards my torso with my feet resting on the bed. In this position, gently and slowly swing both knees from left to right and vice versa… and try to, eventually, let the body, not the mind, lead the flow— both in speed and direction—of the motion.

When I went to see him the other day, he started by asking me to hit my elbow against his palm in a certain way… Then, without him touching me, I started to feel氣 or “Chi” moving around my body… struggling to descend from my head down to my feet.

I still could not quite understand why I feel so clearly the way I do… the moving, blocking, turning and releasing of 氣 chi inside of my body.

While Chi was moving around in my body, he gave us a brief introduction on the concept of chi and 元神… Essentially, what he is trying to do with me is to unblock the pathway of chi so that my 元神 could help me get myself repaired.

Remember that I had mentioned in my previous posting that my body would “stretch” my neck to the left, to the right and pull my neck up as if I were getting neck treatment from a chiropractor…

What the doctor mentioned reminded me of such and I told him of such experiences.

He confirmed that the “physical therapy” my own body applies to itself could be much to the point and effective than those performed by other people on me. What he does for me is nothing more than getting rid of some barriers so that my 元神 could enter my body to perform reparation.

He also mentioned that we all have the ability to sense the movement of 氣 or chi in our body except for special conditions tend to make it easier for us to observe such feeling.

“Think clearly and you will be able to recall observations alike even earlier on in your life… “ He added.

It, then, occurred to me, all these bodily sensations I have mentioned in my postings throughout the years….

It could be the observations I made in the times of the most severe pains, when I had to take a break with each every step due to the pains, how I often had this feeling of having some energy coming down from the top of my head and spreading throughout my body to calm my body and ease the pains.

It could be when I used to wake up in the morning, feeling this sense of energy coming down from my head to greet me morning in the voice of God (my, ok, psychotic interpretation).

I have been confused or shocked by the doctor's comments ever since because such sensations of mine which have long been classified as the bodily kinda hallucinations…. from the perspective of Chi-Kong, is considered “normal.” Furthermore, the doctor indicated… I am exceptionally lucky to be so very perceptive because ordinary people could not have such experiences…. 8-O

Before I left our appointment today, I asked the doctor another strange phenomenon I observed recently…

When in standing position, recently, I often have this strange feeling that my hands would be lifted by some kind of force… like chi…

The doctor replied, “It is your火氣 that is coming out from your body because your 元神 could now come in to get the bad chi out.”

“When would my 火氣 be let all out?” I asked.

“When you could truly accept your 元神—that is yourself—and stop fighting about being who you are. Be true to yourself… don't lie to yourself.” He responded.

“Does it mean that it is 心病?” Following the conversion disorder way of thinking… I asked.

His response... essentially… mind can't be separated from body and body can’t be separated from the mind. Thus, all is about 心病 the component of 心 is always there.

Somewhere along our conversations, I was told again and again, “This has nothing to do with Gods and Ghosts. All was destined… including why the chair would collapse under you. It will do you good if you could move through it.” (the multiple manifestation of the same principle-- 在劫難逃—again I thought…)

Since I can't quite see yet what good my experiences and the process could bring to me now…

On the day when the denial of US visa application got my 火氣 risen again, I decided to finish this posting wishing there is some good my 劫 could do for you…. for a selfish reason… the world is connected… your good is my good, regardless.

In addition, already do I need to apologize to those who might have done me wrong (in my perspective) for the potential to add 業障 to their own karma (oops), why on earth do I want to cumulate more 怨氣 to the pre-existing 心火? (阿彌陀佛, 善哉善哉, May God bless you, your house, your family) lol