Unemployed in Taiwan… homeless in New York

Today marked the first day for me to be officially unemployed.

Even during the time when I was on disability, I still know in the bottom of my heart that, when I get better, I will always have a job to go back to.

In other times, when I am on vacation, I know deep down that I have a job to go back to.

This time is different.

Much different.

The job is still there and my bosses still there…

Yet, New York is a city I have been barred from by the immigration services of the Department of Homeland Security.

Well, maybe I will get lucky in the next few weeks when trying to apply for the US visa again… either get a student visa to complete the program requirement or to get some kind of visa to move all my stuffs out of my room.

Yet, for the time being, I think I will allow myself to spend some time in the next few days to look back in fondness the time, in New York, I lived.

If I had told you that I felt like a lost soul in limbo before, I was wrong.

I did not intend to lie to you.

Yet, it was because I did not know then what it really means to be a lost soul in limbo.

And, perhaps, as life unfolds, I would constantly be in the process of recanting my statement of understanding.

After lunch, I took a nap… something instinctual since I was still in a state of shock, I guess.

The shock about what? Not being about to visit the United States?

Nope…

Rather, I was and still am taking aback by how simple it is for my life to be taken away….

And, ya, I am a Taiwanese but I have been living in New York for the last 10 years… not living… visiting…

They say that, before death, you see the past flashing through your mind….

Before I closed my eyes and after, I saw all the lovely people I have encountered and loved throughout all these years…

The benches on the street….

The sirens I hear souring from 6 floors under on the street….

All those are the past… although soon all these and me will be growing apart on our separate track.

Ya… it is not about the United States… it is about the people.

It is a thought far more than unbearable—the departure from one’s life-- even though I am already gone and, although, I guess, in my mind I am not really ready yet for the departure.

Yet, this leads me to wonder whether anyone could really be ready when the time comes.

So, here I am, like what I have been doing the last four weeks… at home, in Taiwan, trying to recover from my spinal injury--- The only difference between the same time yesterday and today is that… today I found myself out of work and no longer have a home in New York.

Staring into the big chunk of nothingness in my head… that’s why I say now I know in a different capacity what it means to be a lost soul in limbo… 8-O lol sigh