The second day after- psychotic dissertation?

Today is the second day after my application for US student Visa got denied.

From last night on, I have been getting this message through my auditory hallucinations that… accept yourself and see what exactly it is that you want.

This apparently has something to do with what my rehabilitation doctor had told me these last two times. According to him, I have been blocking my 元神 from healing me for a while. Since my 元神 is what has created me using chi, the progress of my recovery is dependent on my acceptance of my 元神 or myself and most importantly, do not lie to yourself. He also added that… 人定不會勝天--- 要順天意而行 or obey the rules or order of nature (God) since the will of human cannot compete with that of Nature (God)

It is easy to say “I accept” but difficult to know what I really should accept. In addition, if it is my unconsciousness that wants to lie to myself, I don’t really think there are too many things I could do about it otherwise it would not be called unconsciousness.

I am still in the process of trying to figure out what exactly it means for me to accept and how it could be done. For instance, when I used to feel depressed, I had the tendency to fight it off

Back to the messages I got from my hallucinations…

The voices came up when I was watching TV last night, it came up when I was doing my knee-swinging exercise, and, it came up immediately after I woke up this morning--- with the messages gradually shifted from the focus of self accept to urging me to identify what exactly it is that I want in my life. In addition, I was also told that… it is not until I could figure the puzzle out could I move on…. (oops… apparently I am hijacked or blackmailed by my psychotic symptoms)

I was told to keep my mind clear of all other thoughts except for trying to answer one simple question….

“So what answer could you offer for the question you have to come up with?”

Other than the inconvenience of the sudden need to move out of my apartment in New York while I am in Taipei… no US visa, so what other answer could I offer to the unknown question I have been asked?


Sounds like my psychosis is now asking me to come up with a dissertation topic... 8-O

By the way, it seems the "advisement" I receive accounts for the majority of the auditory hallucinations.