Monday, March 14, 2011

Delusion and reality

So I told my parents...

"What is happening in Japan was what I saw in my delusions when I went into the psychiatric ward (one of the times)."

They ignored it and their response might have something to do with:

1. They don't know how to respond to it.
2. They don't know how to respond to it.

and... most importantly..

3. They don't know how to respond to it.

8-O lol sigh

I am and will never be the only psychotic haunted by delusional horrors alike.

Neither will I be able to comprehend the experiences of the victims in Japan who lived and continue to live through the moments one at a time.  Nor could I imagine their struggles.

I think, no amount of delusions could be as bad as the reality as such just as:

"No dream, no matter how horrible, could be as bad as the reality of the camp."  P. 41 in Man's search for meaning by V. Frankl)

Then, I thought of the voices I kept on hearing at that point...

"Think good thoughts. Be a good person. (想好事,做好人)."

... above and beyond all things human interventions are capable of  or not...

... although it ain't so easy to think good thoughts at times... believe me...

With the nuclear thing... the issue got resolved at some point... and... guess this is the only time in life when the the entire world would wish for my delusion and delusions alike to be true.

Reminding me of how the voice had me told when painfully in bitter cold... "One step at a time."

And if you ask me why I keep on reloading the things of the past nowadays...

I don't know.

That is just the way it goes.

Some things trigger and the memories flash back... before it is, hopefully, buried again...

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