Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What the f have you done lately?

"What the f have you done lately?" was the sentence ending tonight's entertainment at Ratology.... the off-season movie "Wanted: Weapon of Fate."

One thing I would say is... definitely, this is not a movie suitable for my young nephews.

At the beginning, I thought it might have been a good alternative to view my recent encounter with the plausible panic or anxiety attacks.

At the end, as I ejected the DVD from the player... I thanked God for gracefully granting nothing more than them ordinary panics and anxieties. 8-O lol

I won't say more about the script so that I won't ruin your fun shall you have not watched this movie. Yet, I gotta say, though, this movie actually exceeded my expectations....

And, it does brings me to ponder this question...

"What the f have I done lately?"

The first problem I encounter is... how should "lately" be defined?

Measured by hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Or decades?

A tough question.

Then, there comes the second dilemma... What should be included if there is ever anything substantial to be included?

Did a bit of studies?

Got a few of them degrees?

Did a bit of working?

Got in and out of a few relationships?

Gone through a few of them depressive stages?

Experienced some phases of high anxiety with various range of duration and had a few of them episodes starting with the word panic?

Turned psychotic and live through some times with up and downs in symptom severity?

Turned disabled by them chronic pain and discounted degree of mobility?

Type out a few mumble-jumbles while I am not quite sure yet what them run-on sentences could mean...

The above should summarize what I might have done recently.... I guess... to a certain degree... appropriate for time measures of different length of duration... 8-O

Then, there comes to this third issue... How do I make the evaluations?

Given I have neither wealth nor fame, it makes it sort of a difficult task to identify them criteria for the evaluation phase because a bit more of them generative processes might be needed to explore alternative criteria that could be included... 8-O lol

Regardless, since my I-20 is expiring again in about two weeks and I am coming face to face again with the reality concerning the entire immigration thing, it does seem perfectly reasonable for me to be in a state higher in anxiety, decorated by sparkles of panics.... 8-O lol

So, the other day, as I was meeting with my doctor, I popped this question...

Them nights of pounding heart and breathing problems, what is the likelihood that those were moments of anxiety or panic attacks and what might be the preventative interventions?

Interestingly, both my doctor and I agreed that... since it is reasonable for me to be in a state higher on anxiety, given life's circumstances, there doesn't seem to be anything really I could do to prevent them annoying moments other than telling myself to not go even higher on anxiety level when sensing something like an attack might be in the process of formation....

Then, tonight, I saw the movie.

And, I thought....

Dear God, let my panicking be simply them dasein moments in panic... Let there be no higher reason and let there be no grander scheme... Thank you for letting it be it although I don't really need it. 8-O lol

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