The engine

After the dosage of seroquel went down by 100mg, for a few days, I was feeling so happy because I could sense the engine of my head to be moving... instead of getting caught in a state of my wanting to turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn...

Yet, nowadays, weeks after the dosage is adjusted, I am having this feeling again that the engine seems to go back to the state of not wanting to start up again...

So, when I met up with my shrink this morning, I asked him for his opinion concerning lowering the dosage a bit more because the engine of my head doesn't seem to be moving much again.... or.. I would like to go back to experience the head moving kind of feeling...

Since it's only been about a month since the dosage came down, I knew we have to wait and see a bit more....

At some point, the shrink asked with something like...

"Haven't you been doing all those equations earlier on in the year?"

He was speaking of the algorithms I was studying in spring when I took the course "Item Response Theory."

I thought about it and replied...

"The equations are simple because it is all logical. Sort of like 1+2=3... all that you have to do is to follow the mathematical logic... With the papers I have been reading, for instance, they are more complicated because there are so many components involved that you have to follow and comprehend."

And... let alone the complexity of tasks it involve to, first, comprehend the things writers talked about in their writing, second, reflect on the relevance of the writing, and, lastly, generating questions based on what I read...

On my way back from the visit, this additional thought occurred to me...

Perhaps it is just an excuse... no wonder that all that I took and I was capable to take was one class and only... since, at the point, my CPU usage was 100% already... Couldn't have been able to do more than one class anyway...

Then, later on in the day, I found myself in this situation.... within which I was required to attend to multiple tasks at one time...

So I stopped doing what I was doing because something else came up and another thing came up. There were only 3 tasks involved... Yet, after I switched my attention to the two new tasks, as I was trying to get back to what I was doing seconds because... I found myself staring away and asked myself, "What am I doing?"

Of course, one might say that this happens... except for, I have been observing this type of occurrences really frequently although I can't quite remember what I have been observing... 8-
O lol sigh

More specifically, it feels as if there is constant process of memory dump in the short term memory.... or the linkages to the activated schemata cease much easier....

Yet, the next question to be asked is that...

How could it be so very easy for me to draw references upon information processing theory in my monologue?

Duh... it might have something to do with the fact that my dissertation was based on cognitive theory and, after reading similar articles again and again, all these tiny little schema eventually gets encoded in my long term memory... In addition, after talking about the same thing again and again all these years, the path to such info might have become far more strengthen and makes it much easier to access these types of information....

If you don't believe it... think about it...

What else is new that I have been talking about recently other than the reporting of observations as well as the ensuing analysis based on nothing more than my naive theories? 8-O lol sigh

This, then, reminds me of what I came across this afternoon... the concept of ibuprofen induced pseudodementia.... http://www.theannals.com/cgi/content/abstract/37/1/80

Hopefully... and let all be pseudo and reversible...