In the morning

When I was trying to fall asleep last night, I found the usual suspects reconvene again...

I laid there trying to fall asleep but can't fall asleep... while facing da hammering sound in the back ground of the right side of my head...

That sound I have no control over might have gotten me a scare because, thereafter, I found this sense of fear rising....

Could this hammering sound and da train station be alternative versions of auditory hallucinations? I don't know... Yet, they surely are distressing...

Then, that tightening of the esophagus thing came up again... Might have some thing to the merging sense of anxiety or did it?

Adding one more pillow seemed to work yet only so much... for... at some point, I was hit by da dry mouth thing again...

I got up, took a piece of dried peach, down some more of the water, resisted to pop da sleeping pill, and, went back to bed wishing the sleep will arrive eventually since I have to make it to my class today...

Although sleeping is essential in maintaining my health, especially mentally, I usually do not resort to sleeping pills unless I am tossing and turning for at least 2-3 hours in bed...

After getting up twice and some more tossing and turning with hammering in the head, esophagus spasm and extreme dry mouth on the side, I guess... I must have fell asleep since I did wake up this morning... 8-O lol sigh

Could I be overdosed again? I suspect but I am absolutely not sure since the dosage did get lowered less than 2 months ago... Yet, I do feel that I am walking around feeling much detached from the external world... which usually is an indicator for overdose....

At the same time, all these night time activities are starting to lead me to wonder... more...

Why the night time dramas of my boring life?

And, I thought of those days of Jackal and Hyde... when I was walking around looking like any ordinary person during the day but couldn't shake the habit of experiencing the delusional nightmare awake in the night....

Why in the night?

Why between awake and sleeping?

Could it be true all them psychoanalytical talks?

Could it be that part of my psychic is really being blocked so well that it could only have itself, in the night, when all control is let go, manifested?

Then I sat through the class... talking about segregation, desegregation and resegregation.... poverty and low SES....

Then I sat there hearing about the challenges involved in teaching when the learners speak no English...

And, with the scenarios presented, I saw in my mind this five-year-old being handcuffed-- taken to the precinct...

To myself I thought... I did wake up in the morning...