Relative

I have been accused of being a relativist before.... and I was told that my relativistic worldview is a result of me being too much influenced by my psychosis....

This thought came back to me after I attended the talk on the use of CBT on psychotics yesterday afternoon....

First of all, let's take a look at the second part of the sentence...

I was told that my relativistic worldview is a result of me being too much influenced by my psychosis....

One thing I would say is that... whoever has the tendency to make a comment like this is very lucky because he or she still doesn't get the idea of what it means to be psychotic at all (and please don't get me wrong... it really is wonderful for one not to get it at all).

Voices are not only voices... when a voice is "heard", the process is done for the signal to be attended to, to be perceived and for some preliminarily interpretation to be drawn. What that "react not" kinda thing I have been trying to do does nothing more than putting a stop to further elaboration on interpretations.

Concerning that delusion kinda phenomena... essentially, the delusions we have are but the externalizations of the "disordered" worldview... be it the script or mental model we operate on. And, there is a reason why it is disordered... regardless how hard we try, when the time is bad, you could be as logical and see as many plausibly interpretations as possible, however, that default and biased worldview remains to have the dominant impacts on how interpretations are drawn and how reactions are generated.

For instance, back in September and October, I was leading a life equivalent to that of Jackle and Hyde... for as the night falls, I would be engulfed by the delusional dasein moments captured in an earlier posting concerning Fear and Harm... Essentially, I would think and fear that others were coming to harm both me and the people I care about while, at the same time, although I know those are delusional thoughts and hallucinations, I had very little input in changing how I felt in them dasein moments.

It is only when the condition gets more stabilized and when things are not as bad can we really start talking about using cognition to will ourselves out of the disordered thinking processes and their consequences. Now I am at a state when I could see the "multiple interpretations of the same artifact" or to entertain the notion that there are more interpretations than the default one I am granted on the "observation" I made.

For instance, on my way to see my shrink Friday afternoon and as I was going to catch the subway, I saw people and their facial expressions.

The first thing that came into my mind was...

"They knew that I am on my way to see my shrink and I am going to suggest "terror" as the topic of discussion. This is why they are looking at me so strangely."

Then, the corrective mechanism kicked in...

"Psychotic and self-inflated."

So I thought to myself and I moved on... (and to what? 8-O lol sigh)

Another example would be my attending the meeting about psychotherapy for the psychotics.

So, I arrived at the meeting and sat down quietly. However, there is this feeling inside that I could not fight... some people knew that you are that Ratprincess and some people might consider me as a psychotic trying to get into their head... 8-O lol

Then.... the corrective mechanism directed by my meta-cognition kicked in again...

"Boring.... so what? Who gives a rat's ass about you?" (although my ass is bigger than I would like it to be... bodily dysmorphic disorder 8-O)

Yet another example...

So, I was hanging out with this couple... I went down for a smoke, and, after I got back, all of a sudden, the two of them looked at me and, out of blue, asked...

"Is your mother here?"

8-O lol

"How does my mama's whereabouts have anything to do with our conversation so far?"

"Could be someone said something." So I thought...

Yet, self-correction mechanism kicked in...

"Whatever..."

So, I continued on with the casual conversation... 8-O lol

Ok, all the blah blah blah I have been talking about is for a reason... maybe, what I have been applying to myself so far "could be" what they coined as CBT. (And, believe me, I don't think I had cooked it up myself because I must have read it before since this CBT thing predates me... lol)

Does it work? I guess, for me personally, it sort of works... (although with sample size as 1, not control group, and, purely based on my biased interpretations... can't quite make to much methodologically sound kinda inferences from it...)

At the same time, after applying it to myself all these years, did I eventually get cured? Oops... didn't I just take down the Ratology Blog because my psychotic self said so and, as a result, have to repost them writings one piece at a time to recover the blog? In addition, didn't I just go for a vacation in Club Meds in February? 8-O lol sigh

One thing I would say is that... for people who just could not shake the habit of them residual symptoms, this whole teaching them to see the multiple interpretations of the same artifacts thing or what is called CBT... might come handy and could be helpful. Hopefully, it would also help those who are in a state like this gentleman and that lady...

Yet, they also need to be made aware that such a skill itself is not a cure, and, maybe, one day there is gonna come a different type of psychosis called meta psychosis... at least based on the case study I have been running on myself. 8-O lol 8-X

So, at some point during the evening, I rethought the meeting that I had gone to...

I thought of how each of them seem to be so sure about the beliefs that they hold and how I can't help seeing all them different plausible interpretations...

So I thought...

Perhaps, it is true that my life as a psychotic did reinforce that relativistic self of mine mucho mucho....

At the same time, perhaps it is just like Yin and Yang... absolutist and relativist... all balanced out.... and it is because of relativists like me that there need to be absolutists...

And, one thing I DO believe is that... good luck to all them experts and their pursuits because... in the end, the only thing that really matter is.... whatever it might be... Does It Help?