Frankl's words

OK, I have to admit to you that my reading ability has finally come back... at least, now I am capable of reading the writing "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl after having finished listening to its audio book version.

One reason prompted me to go back to this book in such a short time is that despite the fact that I have no experiences with concentration camp, I often found his words to speak directly of my heart concerning my personal experiences- regardless whether such has been shared or not through my blogs.

When I started blogging, I had taken on Ratprincess as my pseudonym with only few dear friends knowing about my blog. This partially speaks to the fact that... shall the label of "mental" contains no more taboo-ish kinda sentiment to you, you are far more advanced than I am for I am not yet ready to walk down the street with "I am psychotic and depressive" written across the hair band over my forehead. lol

The blog was initially created as a means to help me searching for the meaning of my personal experiences as a functional psychotic and neurotic. You could even call it a desperate act in reaction to the deep-seated frustration about my inability to figure out... "Why me? Why do I have to go through it?" or "Why can't I beat my conditions with all my training in psychology and what good does my years of education and training have shall they grant me not ezpass out of mental health conditions?"

I had wanted to write a book... something like the book "I never promise you a rose garden" written by Joanne Greenberg-- based on a fictional depiction of her personal experiences with mental health conditions. Unfortunately, I find myself not too endowed in the creative writing department and the contents I could offer to limited, in addition to the English of mine so very ESL.

It, later, became clear to me that, chances are, the only way I could find sense out of having to live with mental health conditions is by sharing my personal experiences with the others. Any sense anyone else could find out of my blog will help me add some sense to my sometimes sort of miserable kinda being.... or... the sense for me rests on the hope that someone will get something helpful somehow... such as people who share similar experiences or those who studies about similar experiences.

Throughout the years, I have been documenting my life on and off in good times, in bad times, and in all times in between. I have also talked about my experiences in less mental times, in more mental times, and in all times in between.

I have tried my best to describe and analyze the given observations etc in as subjective a fashion as possible. I have also often made myself sharing things that others in similar situation would prefer to share not. (Ya, this reminds me of this intern in the psychiatric ward, many years ago, who came sitting next to me-- one in the cuckoo’s nest-- and hyper-enthusiastically asked me something like--- why do you come in here or do you hear voice? I, like any other patients, gave him something like a dirty look and told him to leave me alone.)

Unfortunately, many of the contents remain unspeakable.

Unfortunately, deep down in my heart I know.... the observations I made within myself could never be as objective as I would like them to be and so will be their utilities for clinical research-- let along the fact that it is but an absolutely biased case study with close to zero degree of generalizability.

Then, I came across the following words by Frankl...

Those former prisoners often say, "We dislike talking about our experiences. No explanations are needed for those who have been inside, and the others will understand neither how we felt then nor how we feel now."

To attempt a methodical presentation of the subject is very difficult, as psychology requires a certain scientific detachment. But does a man who makes his observations while he himself is a prisoner possess the necessary detachment? Such detachment is granted to the outsider, but he is too far removed to make any statements of real value. Only the man inside knows. His judgment may not be objective; his evaluations may be out of proportion. This is inevitable. An attempt must be made to avoid any personal bias and that is the real difficulty of a book of this kind. At times it will be necessary to have the courage to tell of very intimate experiences......

I shall leave it to others to distill the contents of this (...) into dry theories.

(Page 20, Man's Search for Meaning, V. Frankl)

After I read these words, I thought to myself... what he tries to convey... I think I understand...

I realize that there is not even need for my writing… because his words spoke of my thoughts even before I was born and possibly could be applicable for prisoners of all sorts--