Humor and curiosity

Many people have found it really difficult to understand my sense of humor at times, if not much of the time... and some even have complained that, inappropriately, often, I laugh... (see laughing)

It is true that it is better to laugh or be able to laugh than to cry. Thus, laughter shall I choose if there is an option.

Sometime last fall, when I found myself to be out of work, out of job, out of green card, out of both physical and mental health, out of physical therapy, out of the disability check etc--- essentially, out of all things I could cling to to make my ends meet, and, to affirm my ephemeral existence.

At some point, I started finding all the additional stressors to be like spices in a dark comedy, which makes them actually pretty funny.

I was no longer afraid because I thought to myself, as long as everyone else doing fine and I am still kicking... what else do I have to lose when I am stripped of all things that I could use to fill up that existential vacuum of mine? It really would be interesting to see what else by God, Gods, the supreme power, fate, or life would take away from me and how such might make me feel...

Then, I was reading Frankl's words, in the paragraphs where he described the defense mechanism developed by the prisoners in the concentration camp...

".. the illusions some of us still held were destroyed one by one, and then, quite unexpectedly, most of us were overcome by a grim sense of humor. We knew that we had nothing to lose except our so ridiculously naked lives.....

Apart from that strange kind of humor, another sensation seized us: curiosity. I have experienced this kind of curiosity before, as a fundamental reaction toward certain strange circumstances. When my life was once endangered by a climbing accident, I felt only one sensation at the critical moment: curiosity, curiosity as to whether I should come out of it alive or with a fractured skull or some other injuries." (Page 29, Man's Search for meaning, Frankl)

Because my personal experiences are nothing comparable to what people in the concentration camp had and have to endure, I could only understand what Frankl means in my own capacity.

On the other hand, personally, the term defense mechanisms seem to insinuate potential maladjustment given that individuals might fend off things using these mechanisms so as not to process them.

For me, I prefer to call humor and curiosity "god's gift" or "survival instincts".

At this point, I expect people who know I eventually ended in the mad house in February to ask "The Question".

"If humor and curiosity are really the blessing from God or a manifestation of survival instinct, how would you end up in the cuckoo's nest?"

(and if you don't question this, I would figure you are not really reading my posting and might as well go and watch House. lol)

For instance, a good friend of mine bluntly put it, "Don't forget you just failed...."-- meaning I just came out from the nut house around 2 months ago.

My response is simple.

While some people might believe that my recent acute episode is the proof that I fail and there is no doubt that they are entitled to their opinion, for me, I know that I had failed not.

I had failed not because I know that the blessings I have been granted have carried me long enough.

I had failed not because I have always been aware of the "one country, two governments" policy that rules my head.... and I have no control over the traffic flow of the neurotransmitters (e.g., dopamine) that are responsible for not only driving me crazy but also carrying signals of pain perception. (Please refer to my previous posting...)

Think not how well you are adjusting to your ordinary life with or without the kind of humor and curiosity we are speaking of here.

Think of how well you might fare shall you be me or me(s) with or without the kind of humor and curiosity.

Or, the real reply I shall provide is even simpler...

I have failed in what? 8-O lol