Just

To be honest, I don't really fancy being evil...

Just... might be the only thing I seek.... for I have unfortunately developed a sense of distaste for injustice...

How could I blame myself for seeking a sense of just when exactly one year ago...

I almost got blown away by the coldness in the air inching away like a big bad bug... while the upping of dosages helped nothing much....

Perhaps, it is not I seek to be evil...

Rather, I simply don't want to go back to be an insanely good girl like that... two days away from the one-year anniversary of my getting back to the ER and 4 days away from my being, once again, locked up... while, tomorrow, would mark the aniversary when my psychotic symptoms told me to delete the original Ratology Blog...

I don't want to be perfect and I will never be perfect... 8-O lol

I will make mistakes and I will amend it...

And...

If one thinks that I am going overboard in correcting my modus operandi... the matter of the fact is that I am like a toddler learning to walk... and literally as well...

If one thinks I am letting my past influencing my worldview too much... the matter of the fact is that much of our interpretation of the current state is dependent on our past experiences... so they say... script, mental model, schema...

Live through it before one comes to preach me how I shall react....

And... as the song goes...



(Good excuses though.... at least, for myself... unless if you consider depression as a better excuse?! Ya, in the face of schizo... don't undermine da affect... 8-O lol sigh)