Fish on cutting board

It's been a while since this has been happening...

Every night after I take my medication and when I go to bed, I would have this involuntary movement in my body...

Essentially, all different parts of my body would go jerking around... the chest, the stomach and the legs... You can't help it and you feel parts of your body jumping around on your bed as if they don't belong to you... (speaking of neurological impairments). All that you could do is to pray to God that it will end soon or you could fall asleep soon so that you don't have to deal with it. At times, I even have this thought that... why don't I simply go and take a sleeping pill so that I will let the body deals with itself....

To envision what it looks like, envision yourself looking at a live fish pulled out of the water and on the cutting board... How it jerks around...

After a certain point, you just lay there quitely letting it happen and run through its course because there ain't no nothing you could do other than simply letting it do what it has to do... My mama, for instance, who sleeps in the same room has no idea at all...

Everyday I wish it to be the last night for it to happen.... since it would take time for the decreased dosage to take effect...

Yet, everynight is just another night... for da wishful thinking...

Last night, after I took 250mg of Seroquel as opposed to 300 mg, I went to bed and wishing that run-away-horse kind of experiences would not occur.

It did happen again. However, the intensity decreased drastically.

You would say that it might be self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even so, first night dosage down, the horror at bed time seems to have become less horrible.

Cognitive impairment and flat affect both are bad. Ain't so good either, nightly, being da fish on cutting board.

Shall you wonder why I am playing Russian Roulette with my meds.

(And, by the way, I do sometimes ponder whether what I am describing here is actually seizures or myoclonus induced by Seroquel.)