Love

I love people.... condition by the theta parameter... their ability to not get on my nerve.... 8-O lol

So... life's circumstances must have brought forth higher degree of anxiety and I must have this propensity to internalize my anxiety, which gets manifested as depression...

In other words, I saw myself gradually went into depression, hit the bottom and found myself eventually moving myself out of it one step at a time.... this past few weeks...

Then, there was this day.... when I thought to myself...

I don't know what it is that I am carrying with me or whether there is anything that I am carrying on my shoulder... even if it is only the air pressure...

One thing I knew was it was too heavy for me to carry on...

The unbearable heaviness of da lightness in life, I guess...

So I thought to myself... at some point, I might just need to give up....

The matter of the fact is that all that I wanted to do was just to give it all up... whatever it might be or whether it ever exists...

Then, this voice said to me... (ya, my auditory hallucination)... something like...

"You can give up everything but you could not give up on people."

Point taken.

For all else I have not.... I have people who me care and who me love.... I should never give up on them who I love....

So, if you ask me how I have eventually and gradually pulled myself away from the dungeon of depressive symptoms mixed with anxiety... manifested in amotivation...

Chances are... it is love....

And, perhaps, it was not me who had carried me through all these time... it is them loving people who me carried...

And, how nice... I could love...

So I sent an email to this very last jackass from hell 4-5 years apart from me...

So I thought to myself... cease the fire, stop the anger and let go of the grudge...

For... I don't particularly like the dark side and all I need is love to... I guess... show me the light... (and, of course, a full time job, good pay so that I can take my mama and daddy for trips everywhere... 8-O lol)