House Gone Psychotic

Although I did not watch the full episode of House today, I did catch the ending....

Just when House thought everything was under control and he could live with hallucinations without any intervention, the end of the episode proved him wrong....

It is more than sad for me to be watching the end of the episode and looking at House shipped himself into the psychiatric ward...

The kind of fear he, although a fiction figure, might have to endure...

Let alone that fear about losing or the knowledge of the partial lost of what he prides himself of most... cognition...

Watching him walking into the hospital at his own will, with the intentions of committing himself...

That brought me back to the day when I took myself to the ER of St. Luke's hospital...

The fear...

The scare...

About what the reality of being psychotic could bring forth.... not realizing that I had already been entrapped by the web of delusions and hallucinations....

Then, this thought occurred to me as I was getting ready for my shower....

The symptoms might take its toll and it might take time and work for one to grow out of the onset....

Eventually, we will be forced to accept it and to realize the power of the symptoms as well as how different our worldview could be from what it really is...

The events that took place which had never taken place... to begin with...

Yet, the greatest danger we psychotics has to face might actually come after the process of recovery or when symptoms go into full remission....

That danger I am speaking of is the mindset one might develop about... now I have gone through it, now I have grown out of it, now I have learned my lessons about all identifiable patterns associated with psychotic symptoms, and, now I won't become institutionalizable grade of psychotic again...

The matter of the fact is that... like what I have been told by my auditory hallucination... you could never catch it.... regardless how much you reflect on your own condition and how well you could eventually become in identifying your symptoms....

There, perhaps, simply are no fail-save proof to the unidentifiable equation....

So, I thought of this posting I made to my private blog last week after watch the last episode of House...

Funny enough... as a viewer and based on my observation, I had come to the conclusion that House was doing fine, only to realize in today's episode that his condition is actually at some institutionalizable kinda grade...

The matter of the fact is that... the above seems to do an excellent job in representing the actual process it took for my symptoms to grow into the grade-- institutionalizable... (and, if you don't quite understand what I am trying to convey here, that's OK... for... I am not quite sure either what exactly it is I am trying to convey and how to put it into words as well...)

Monday, May 4, 2009
House Goes Cuckoo

Sometime after I started with the previous posting, I watched on TV the episode of House titled under your skin.... in this episode, House experienced psychotic symptoms including visual and auditory hallucination represented by the presence of Amber, the dead girlfriend of his doctor pal... Yet, never a point did he have doubts that them symptoms were symptoms....

Of course, dramas have to be dramas and this is the reason why, after all the hallucinations, there did not really seem to be any sign of Dr. House starting to develop some sort of delusional beliefs. In addition, as a fledgling psychotic, he was able to will them symptoms out with his meta-cognitive skills.... (something I have been trying to learn through out all these years and could still not perfect the given skills otherwise I would not have gone back to the cuckoo's nest again early last year... 8-O)

There was only one part of the show that didn't quite make sense. At some point, it was apparent that the processing of hallucinations (internal stimuli) took precedence over that of the speech of real people in the room... House was distracted by the hallucinations and was having some difficulties handling external stimuli in the presence of them hallucinations. Yet, he made a comment about how he felt no fear....

Well, regardless whether his limbic system was giving up and regardless how cognitive or rational he might be, someone who pride himself so much about his cognitive capacity, I really doubt that he really would have no fear... unless he was simply in shock...

One thing I like about this episode is that... just because one experiences positive symptoms does not mean that one no longer has the ability to perform ordinary daily task such as brain-storming about differential diagnoses....

Although the performance outcome might be discounted given that a chunk of cognitive processing is now, without a choice, dedicated to all processes relating to positive symptoms such as hallucinations.