Da Dissociation

I spoke of this state of existence I have been trapped in with my shrink during our meeting back a few weeks ago...

Everyday, after work and on my way home, I would be walking down Broadway, having this curious sense of dissociation.... the feeling that the world outside is evolving by itself... independent on my existence...

It is as if I am traversing down them Manhattan blocks in my dream.

Not in reality but in a dream... for... the world surrounding me is to much detached from me to be the reality in life... the opposite state, I fiure, for low-latent inhibition....

So my doctor asked me this good question....

When does it happen?

Since I have, up to that point, observed such state of detachment after work, so I must have answered... "around the time after work..."

That question itself prompted me to observe whether such experiences only occur after work...

It was then did I realize that such a state actually has been affecting me far more globally then I had thought before expect for, because my initial observation had occurred on my way home, I might have been more prone to sense da state of dissociation when it is the time after work when comparing to other times...

And, after my doctor popped the question, I started to observe my state of being at times other than after work... such as when I am on my way to work...

And, I came to the realization that it is actually a constant state I reside in.... including when I am on my way to work, at work... and after work...

Perhaps, it is self-fulfilling prophecy that drives me into a more global state of dissociation....

It could also be that my initial observations were too limited in its scope...

Regardless...

Then, there came the time when I started to work on this smoking cessation thing... and the prolonged state of physical withdrawal that I have been living in....

The interesting thing is that...

One of the withdrawal symptoms I have experienced so far is tensions.... from head to toe.

The tension in my head somehow causes some sort of memory leak, I guess, and resulted in a sort of numbing kind of feeling.... which, to a certain degree, makes me feel even more dissociated.... 8-O lol

Depression might also have some contribution to the experiences of dissociation and detachment... especially after I started to go into state within which I have to seriously doubt whether my life so far is but a dream.... like this kind of dream...

In any case, this sense of detachment is getting more and more difficult for me to handle. As a result, when I went to see my shrink again yesterday, I requested to lower the dosage of Seroquel by 100 mg... and, as of yesterday, I am on 500 mg of Seroquel.

So, has the decrease of dosage led to the dedissociation of my detached mode?

The matter of the fact is that... be it placebo effect of now... life as it is today seems to be a bit more like real... though the change might be a good .0000000000x... 8-O lol