Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Why quit?

One question my doctor asked me yesterday was something like...

"Why drives you into quitting smoking this time?"

Another good question... I have been contemplating about it for months if not years... but what is the driver behind this attempt?

It's been two weeks and I am not 100% sure...

Yet, I know it has something to do with this scary delusional thought I got in my mind when my delusions told me something like...

"You are gonna die young if you don't quite smoking..."

You see... this sentence by itself or on them quitting smoking kind of programs sounds very health conscious and adds a tinkling of scary feeling... but only this little amount...

Yet, this sentence in them delusional dasein moments could be REALLY SCARY.... no joke... REALLY SCARY.... 8-O

So, I guess... it is not me.... my delusions and hallucinations made me do it.... 8-O lol

And, perhaps, how could I have made it this time this far?

It might have something to do with the fact that I have been feeling so very detached from real life that I have so very often forgotten what my life is like including that minor component called... smoking.... an different perspective of functional amnesia... I guess... 8-O lol

So, I guess... again, it is not me... it is the overdosing on Seroquel that helped it... 8-O lol

And, doesn't this make you wonder whether there really is something true in the following saying....

"Things happen for a reason." 8-O lol

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