Uncertainty and love

After my swinging exercise this afternoon, I decided to get out and to see the world around....

So I sat there at the intersection between 110th and Broadway....



Then, I walked across the street and visited the supermarket where they played this classic song "Don't hold back your love"....



It was then did I realize...

As I am testing out the water called facing some life changing uncertainty, I am finding this self-defense mechanism to be building up stronger and stronger each every day.... to the extend that I am starting to make myself believe that there ain't no nothing that I love or care so much about life in New York....

My departure would mean nothing to no one...

My departure won't matter so much to myself any more...

So, in this getting ready process within which I am preparing for the worst, I find myself starting to remove myself from my life itself... (in addition to the contribution of Seroquel)....

And, the song woke me up...

Regardless, life has to be lived with full time love.... I have to live on with my love...



Don't hold back your love
Hall and Oates

I know what it’s like to be forgotten
Left alone with your simple dreams
But even dreams are fading fast
No one to turn to when you can’t sleep at night
Waking up to another day that will soon be over
And if you think that time has forgotten you
Well just look into my eyes
And know the times we’ll change

Don’t hold back your love
I know it’s here
I wanna see it come to life before my eyes
Don’t hold back your love
Show me your heart
Cause I will always be here by your side

Don’t be mistaken there’s still some work to do
Gotta get up every single day
Face the judge and jury
No one will notice they’ve got their own lives
We’ve got something they all want
It’ll be their surprise
And if you think there is no place to run
Just hold onto my hand
And face whatever comes



One more chance to find the higher ground
One more chance before the curtain’s down
One more night to turn your life around again