Perpetuation

Last night, I spoke of how thoughts and deeds mostly requires a suitable context or environment to sustain their perpetuation....

The matter of the fact is that... at times, I would actually come to have the feeling that the blogs I keep have actually been the most efficient medium to perpetuate my mental health symptoms...

It is simply because, I often move around through the day failing to defy this propensity of mine to see other people's actions as a reaction of their interpretations about my writing despite the fact that there is never any proof that anyone ever read them run-on sentences of mine...

While even if there are proofs that no one ever reads my writing, I suspect that I would continue to wonder about whether there is someone out there reading and interpreting my writing given the intrinsic and inalterable bias in my thinking process-- ya, there is a reason why it is called THOUGHT disorder... 8-O lol

On a second thought, isn't it a bit not nice for me to be posting my disordered thoughts all these years to be interpreted by, presumable, at times, normal people (provided that there really are people who give a rat's ass about what I write...)? 8-O lol 8-X

At time, I would think to myself that....

Perhaps, I am to take the public blog off since them stories I speak of are getting too old for myself....

Perhaps, at the same time that, the only reason why the accident has to happen is simply because the contents in my blog was running dry...

How many times does it take for one to read them verbal diarrhea till one understands what it means to be delusional or hallucinational?

The sharing of the process sounds like an interesting idea.... Yet, how much would be enough?

Since there is nothing much new I could offer through the blog other than some useless mumble jumble....

Since, it seems that the only real and sustainable effect of my blog is but to perpetuate my delusional tendency....

I couldn't stop entertaining the notion of letting go of the blog... time and again...

And, I thought of the time when I took off my original Ratology: Down with Meds blog...

And, I thought.... can't teach an old dog new tricks...

All them useless thoughts this peanut-sized mind could devise....

Hardly ever anything new...

Mostly same old same old....

Perpetually same old same old....

When will the day finally arrive when there could be anything new that I could offer in my life.... in addition to same old same old?