假練功真發瘋

My encounter with the 氣 thing just kept on getting funnier and funnier…

If I had told you before that I had come to the true acceptance of my body moving itself… I lied…

Yet, I did not lie intentionally… rather it was an act of my own stupidity or ignorance since I did not know what it means to have my current level of acceptance about the things I have been experiencing, which could be vaguely classified as sensory hallucinations…. I guess… (and… well… to hell… )

Essentially, the swinging thing started to take on different forms…

It started from the Kong Fu kinda movements…. sometimes it felt as if I was 打拳 other times it felt like I was 戲雙劍 (playing with swards). At this stage, the motions were fairly slow.

Then, one night, I found my “mid-section” moving around in circle at a speedier and speedier rate to the extent that it was as if I was doing belly dancing… other times, it was almost like I was doing the “twist” (8-O)… and, still other times, it was almost like I was doing folk dancing--- swinging my two arms along with my body while walking to the front and back.

Later on, my body started to do this high-tech aerobatic kinda stuff… I would be standing on my two feet while my torso arching to the back till my posture would look like that of Neo in Matrix when he successfully dodged the bullets by arching his back backwards. Then, it was last night when, after that back arching position, my body would bring itself towards the front, bending forwards till my two palms could touch the floor.

The arching posture, interestingly, was something I had never been able to do in my ordinary days, before and after the injuries. Yet, the last time my body arched to such extend was when, after the injuries, I pulled my body again-- that night, I had the nerve pains shut up to my head from my lower back, and, woke up finding my left side half-paralyzed the second morning. In ER, they gave me a shot of the Tylenol thing to relax my mussels. Yet, my body could not stop twitching and arching to the extent that the nurse came to me, telling me to “cut it off” since they were not doing anything to me. (8-O think about those good old days… lol… sigh). Later, when I was getting ready to leave, my body continued to arch towards the back involuntarily… the posture was so high tech that these two ladies across the ER station had to ask me whether I was OK… while the only response I could give them was… “just doing some stretching…”

The speed involved in the belly dance type of movement as well as the whole arching plus bending thing are still movements I could not normally accomplish.

These movements could only be carried on, mysteriously, when I relax my thoughts and body, and, when I let go of the control over my movements.

Taking the psychopathological kind of perspective, I would be the first to think “psychosomatization” as the reason to the occurrence of these involuntary movements much too difficult to perform in either my pre-injury state or current state.

Yet, I guess, at a certain point, psychopathological labeling such as “psychosomatization” and “conversion disorder” started to cease carrying any meaning for me.

Perhaps, it is true that those labels are only as good as recycling bins--- all else not classified? Let’s throw in a psychopathological label in so that we do not have to deal with the problematic recovery.

There are so many more of the “perhaps” statements I could generate to populate this post…

Yet, I will leave you to be the creator of these ＂perhaps＂ statements because, other than I am getting ready to go night night, the only one thing that matters now is… as my doctor reminded me again today… “Does it help?”

The labeling of “psychosomatization” and “conversion disorder” apparently did not help. Otherwise I won’t be still here blogging about the road towards recovery.

Yet, call it “假練功真發瘋” (something I heard through my auditory hallucinations) or over-indulgence in psychotic symptoms… regardless what you think of it… for me… the 氣 thing… I know, at least, so far, it helps…

In addition, shall all but 空 at this point… how would it be my concern 瘋 or 不瘋？ lol 8-O (OK... time for my night time pills... lol)