Preparations

On my way back from my doctor's visit today, I thought of something this and all other doctors agreed upon concerning my spinal condition.... how could the simple impact of a fall at sitting position lead to 6 places of disc herniation in cervical, thoracic, and, lumbar areas as well as the straitening of the cervical spine?

The condenses so far has been that the fall might just be the triggering event while my spine was already fucked up. (oops... bad language)

My rehab doctor also constantly reminds me that... my life so far has been preparing for that triggering event... (8-O)--- be it THAT fall or a simple sneeze. (OK... yet, it doesn't mean the institution holds no moral or ethical responsibility for that miserable trail I had to traverse since--- what it be like shall you be on another broken chair that collapses under you?)

The matter of the fact is that... it is not the first time the word "trigger" is applied to significant events in my life...

For instance, I often say that that woman who used her hand to make the gesture of pointing a gun at me and said, "if you go to Harlem, you will be bang-bang-bang".... (in a graduate school of education? 8-O) Well... that was very clear to me nothing but a triggering event that sent me into my first psychotic trip...

The funny thing is...

Just when I was crossing the street, it occurred to me that... would my psychotic existence also be part of the preparation?

Would my acceptance for the whole 氣 thing be the same shall I have not been dealing with delusions and hallucinations as my everyday context for the past few years including being institutionalized for 3 good times?

Shall it be true that... life has prepared for a long time for the perfect fall to take place...

(And, shall what 媽祖 indicated be true that this fall shall have impacts on my entire life... )

Including the fall itself and its consequences, what do all the preparations intend to prepare me for (other than to be at the age of 35-36, single and unemployed lol oops)?

My ordinary voices in my head told me that it might have something to do with beliefs, cognitive flexibility, etc.... Yet, the most important thing for me to do now is, loud and clear, "TIME TO GO TO SLEEP. (oops... the voice calls and now I gotta go... although it was the voice that told me to make the post... lol)

-- to be continued...