Ignorance

After the doctor's visit yesterday, I, as usual, walked home...

Yet, at some point, I found myself not walking in a straight line...

It is not the I had too many a shot of Tequila kinda not walking straight...

Rather, I could not help walking towards around 2 o'clock or 10 o'clock direction as opposed to 12 o'clock.... Zigzagging... perhaps, how you would call it...

I knew, then, immediately that--- it might have something to do with the adjustment the doctor made to my body-- somewhere around the neck-- earlier on. (There goes the interpretation based on my newly established mental model about how 氣動 could result in my involuntary body movement in a relaxed state--- ya, even when I am walking down the street...)

This is not the first time I found myself zigzagging away when attempting to march straight towards the 12-o'clock direction.

I had similar experiences before on my daily journey up and down Broadway... I found myself, for so many a time, unable to control the direction I was walking towards and asked my legs loudly on the street, so many times as well, "Where the hell are you going?"

At some point, I thought it might have something to do with the spasm...

At certain point, I asked my doctors why I, at times, cannot walk straight and had to settle with zigzagging along....

None of the doctors had an answer to it and none had heard about it... including my psychiatrist, I think....

I guess, as a result of not knowing why and without the 氣 theory as part of my mental model, to interpret the bizarre phenomena, I must have eventually made myself believe that it is either I was just getting more psychotic than I knew or, maybe, some external force (e.g., God, spirits, ghosts, witches, etc) was playing a prank on me....

And, chances are, such interpretation might have contributed to the development of my delusional system, that, eventually sort of went out of my control...

In other words, although they say ignorance is a bless, it could also be dangerous to one's health… 8-O lol

Ironically, the only thing the doctor wanted me to know is that, when my body swings, it is the 氣 that is moving because my 元神 is trying to fix my body. He had eventually let out of the label of 自發功 solely because he found out too many people surrounding me might be trying to talk me into doing different things... such as my dad, who could not stop attempting to educate me about 氣功 and 自發功-- and he even bought books for me. The doctor, yet, repeated again and again that I should refrain from learning about 自發功 and let my body does whatever it does. In other words, I should try my best to be purely ignorant and keep myself away from all external sources of relevant info (and never did I know that it could be so hard to maintain ignorant when external sources of info are readily accessible-- either a click away or a cover page away 8-O).