The way we were…

Last night I walked…

At some point, instead of swinging, I walked back and forth on the balcony … in all different ways I, at different point of time, walked…

The feelings associated with different walking styles were more than familiar to me…

For instance, I reexperienced the “gliding” style of walking… a style I was stuck with for many a day when I simply could not lift my feet and walking was like moving on the rollerblades without wheels (and how I regretted not having learned to rollerblade... lol sigh)

So many different styles developed throughout the year, I thought.

It was as if my body has its own memory and was going back to a nostalgic mode—having the need to relive the time it had to live before…. in a shorter span of time—20 something minutes instead of almost twelve something months. Shall anyone recall all the funky ways I have managed to walk in… you shall find the styles to be fairly familiar as well…

(Disclaimer: You might think these films to be too boring and too long... except for the real thing was much longer... guess, again, I never promise you a rose garden... 8-O lol)

Part I


Part II


Part III


Thereafter, I stood on my two feet with limited amount of motion… gradually, I felt intensive amount of pains on my two feet… it was the combination of feeling the feet extremely sour and bloated…. Regardless how painful it might have been (at some point it felt as if I could start getting ready to pass out lol), I continued to stand still till I got the feeling that… “enough for now”.

Having gone through the whole swinging business for the past two months, I have learned to ask no question shall such be my body’s will.

Today, during my doctor’s appointment, I showed my doctor the clips I took.

He saw my body’s trip back to the various eras on my road towards recovery… up to this point.

He also saw my painful expressions when in standing position…

And, he said to me something like…

It is a good thing that you have finally reached the point of reliving how you have lived before… It is as if I have tried too hard to cut the various stages short and now it is time for them to come back to get their fair share--- before I could finally walk out of it all…

What about the pain?

Apparently, I have not relived that sorry past enough and this is why Chi came down to my two feet and there it got stuck.

He, then, did some manipulation on my bad before I took off…

The trip home was a memorable one.

Coming out of the doctor’s office, I realized that the road ahead was to be sort of difficult. This was to be a trip for me to “march” on the footage of the past again.

It was as if what my walk last night was an internship in the green house--- which is a preparation for my trip home today--- a trip that brought the past back and replayed it in real life.

Walking out of the side street and landing on 忠孝東路—the main street in Taipei just like what Broadway is to New York City, I encountered more passersby--- the way they looked at me struggling to move forward (in reality or in my imagination) sort of brought back the memories of the past.

At some point, I started smiling—helplessly, sort of.

That was the point when I realized that… practice effects… just a different location.

To that body of mine--- I thought, perhaps, “just let me know what you want.”

So we slowly walked and he (my body) knew no haste. We stopped at the non-stopping points and we rested on the sidewalk gazing into the busy street. T’is time to go home. (lol)

Ya, not only did I walk funny, I also went back to needing a rest every 2 or 3 steps… progressing to 7 steps at a time with the maximum steps of 11 throughout the whole trip. I stopped in the middle of the street because, moving further, my body could not. I also went back to needing two traffic lights to make it to the other side of a street almost as wide as Broadway as I could remember. I sat down wherever resting place I could find when the body calls.

A while after I got home, back to the balcony, I found myself back to doing that walking back and forth.

The gaits got better and better… t’is point when I felt the body calling for a rest and the standing-still—just like what happened yesterday.

Again, standing there not moving much, I felt chi coming down my body and arriving on my feet…

Gradually, I started to feel this extreme sense of happiness--- because that despite some sensation of soreness, I felt, through my feet, chi happily getting out of my body— much getting into the ground and some released into the air… (although such is but my feeling and gotta wait till Wednesday for the doctor’s interpretation.)

Perhaps, one could classfiy such experiences as 瞑眩反應.

And, perhaps, what was needed was, along 忠孝東路, the trip… a thought that came to be in the mist of my psychosomatic epic (even though I don’t really have too much of an inkling about what it means… lol 8-O)

(Such speaks again for--- the confusion of interpretations-- as Maxine Greene had put it... lol)