Also da Tiramisu

So... last night, pumpkin night... I sat at the bar drinking my beer and my beloved hot water with steam coming out....

Everything is the way it should be...

Me not talking to much....

Looking at people... thinking about the thought about which I am thinking...

Or thinking of nothing... carefully drinking the pint of hot water while sometimes staring into the water for the sake of staring really hard at it...

And, perhaps, at times, feeling content about how life is so strange and nice... 8-O lol

Till... at some point, this lady in Victorian costume approached me....

Oh... she is a neighbor of mine whom I sometimes bump into on the street and we had hang out together at times...

I had not realized it was her when I first saw her coming in to the bar, with her attire and make-up on...

I didn't realized that it was her until she came and approached me...

"Do you want to join me and my friends?"

So I went over to join the girls... switched away from the relaxed kind of pensive or headless state... switched into the extroverted kind of hanging out mode....

Girls just wanna have fun and we had fun...

After they left for another bar downtown, I got back to my bar seat.... switching back to that headless mode...

Sitting quietly as if nothing ever happened... while I am no more than a space holder.... or an inactive avatar.... squandering away the here and now.... entrapped in the never ending reminiscences of the not so very happy part of the past... while, trying at the same time, to let go of the tendency to zoom out and bring myself back to the present...

At some point, I decided to go all the way back to the time of Southern Comfort in my Vancouver years...

A time when I was as young as the two nice girls next to me...

A time when all that I had learned remained to be textbook version...

A time when I jumped from one relationship to another relationship... a vicious cycle of never ending rebounds....

Another perfect time in life.... surrounding the time when they introduced to me Southern Comfort and one of the worst hangover I ever had after... 8-O lol

So... there I sat, sipping slowly, in the comfort of the context, along with my dear steaming water, my Southern Comfort...

Then, there came them happy boys...

They came, happily greeting me.... some even offered to marry me... (Man... God finally is answering my call for an American Husband... yet, don't worry, my dear Department of Homeland Security... please read the following.... 8-O lol)

Then, I saw my own reflection in the mirror... holding on to my pint of hot water... sipping it with the same expressions of them squirrels in the Park when they suddenly found my bag and coat blocking their path.... causing a strange situation...


lol

Like my fellow Rodent... Squirrels... I downed the water and da Southern Comfort... I paid my damage, sincerely thanked them boys for their flattering comments, and, I ran off....

And... even though this thought was so loud and clear in my head... not too many people have posted comments in my blogger career... but it seems like... someone has been reading my blog on them Tiramisu lines to speak of... 8-O lol

At home I thought.... after all these years.... I haven't changed much... like them lab rats who shun away from their beloved chocolate milk when getting sick after drinking it... be the situations real or not, or, genuine or not... I can't help running away... as if there is an voice telling me to "Run! Run! Run for your life!!!".... and what would it take for me to stop running off?

So it goes my selfish thought... relationship phobia.... 8-O lol 8-X



(OMG... This kid was sooooooo very cute then.... and.. both Glenn Medeiros and Tommy Page's songs... so very puppy love kinda feeling... 8-O lol)

Lonely won't leave me along

Why do I seem to be caught up inside a dream
All my life, it's always been my shadow and me
Over my shoulder there's always a voice somewhere
Saying I never should try to set my heart free

I wish that love would come and take me in her arms
Show me what I've never known.
Where I could hold someone words like right and wrong
Just fade away like yesterday

Lonely won't leave me alone
Lonely won't leave me alone
Why, tell me why, won't even let me fall in love
Oooooh everywhere I go always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/eI1 ]

I try and say I love you but the words won't come through
In my eyes, see all the tears and sad memories
Why can't I start out new and leave that
old feeling too far behind
I guess that lonely needs company

Around each bend of road
I'm thinking that in time there
will be that rainbow's end
But when I follow those self illusions
I find that it's only lonely and me again

Lonely won't leave me alone
Lonely won't leave me alone
Why, tell me why, won't even let me fall in love
Oooooh everywhere I go always by my side
Won't even let me fall in love

Lonely won't leave me alone
I wish that love would come
Lonely won't leave me alone
And take me home
Lonely...