Sorry

Someone told me this afternoon....

"I feel sorry for you."

I guess I replied without thinking...

"Do it for me, too."

Feeling him not quite understand what I meant... I added...

"Do my share for me."

Let's call it shifting responsibility and I don't really have that capacity to be, for myself, feeling sorry...

Then, on my way home, I came across this gentleman.... institutional grade...

He sat there smoking and crying on and off...

Looking at him, I knew the pain that he endures in his reality though, I know not how exact he feels in the imaginary world of his... so very the same yet so very different.

Then I heard his voice in my head... "I am crying for you for the pain you endure." (Speaking of not having the time to feel sorry for myself.... 8-O lol)

So I thought in my mind to him...

"Take the drug... it will make it better for you so that you do not have to suffer the pain you are carrying with you..."

I didn't have the courage, though, to him, such thoughts to reveal.... for... he is in a state beyond our level of reality and it takes more than the intrusion of some stranger on the street to mention to him of a different kind of reality shared by many more people.

Then matter of the fact is that...

After I woke up this morning, having proven that I did fall asleep, I felt both a sense of relief and, for myself, sort of sorry.....

I was, Ok... actually afraid to go to bed.

It was actually really scary for me to face the moments between waking and sleeping...

So I laid in bed... can't let go of the fear... having the fear that... perhaps, shall I have my conscious fear let go, the night before would recapitulate itself...

It is actually a very common yet strange kind of experience....

It is not until you live through it would you know how things eventually will unveil...

So I laid there... pondering about what it be like in the morning....

Them inordinate strange experiences did come back... yet at a much minor league scale...

Somewhere along the line...

This thought or voice me told with something like....

"Be scare not... the fear will pass... all these are but going to be ordinarily in your reality. You just have more.." 8-O lol

How am I going to live through it and adapt to it...

I don't know....

All that I could do is to ponder... what it be like when that day comes... the same pondering I had when wondering what this morning would unveil...

Then I thought... perhaps, be sorry not.... if only someone could take the pain away.... not this pain... but this pain...



So the song goes....

Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

But I wont cry for yesterday, theres an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

(Well... thoughts being spoken, consider it tomorrow... in Dasein all but a bit of an ordinary sorrow talk...)