Gotta make it fun is the only mission I had and still have in mind...
To begin with... I tried to recall all the artifacts I have collected so far... for instance... my painful expressions at the beginning of the journey...
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| Ratprincess' painting |
or my attempts for crafting that never went too far...
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| From Down with Meds -- A revelation of Ratology (Recovered) |
At some point, I decided to switch my attention towards the events that had taken place during this period of time.
Intuitively, I decided to create a timeline including events between June 19th of 2007 to present... with example components as those listed in the following diagram....
So, just as I was taking down all these events on the paper.... this feeling started to boil inside...
In addition to thinking.... such representation is so very boring.... same old... same old...
This thought occurred to me... linearity... I could not escape it... my worldview is so very linear...
I had this feeling that I am entrapped by time and the view that time is linear.... Yet, I was still not quite sure what exactly is killing me inside about time and linearity...
I tried to ask this new friend of mine questions but I couldn't quite understand what the questions were that I was supposed or intended to ask...
All that I knew was that... I am entrapped by my worldview, my mental models, etc... and I could not escape this sense about time...
All that I knew is that... there is something not quite right but I don't know what it is...
I must have started with this question... "What is your worldview?"
A bit too vague...
Yet, another strange question might have been...
"How does your background as a musicologist have an impact on your worldview in relation to time?"
He tried to provide me with some thoughtful responses.... while, like me, not quite sure what exactly the question is...
At some point, I must have told him something like.... the problem I was feeling was...
"I am trapped in time..."
Though I didn't quite understand what I meant by I was trapped in time...
Later, I tried to imagine that each of the components in the 2-D timeline above as an universe to themselves with me, within each every of them, experiencing my versions of reality....
It was not until much later, as I went outside having a smoke, as I was looking leisurely as them passersby in their own versions of reality.... this thought occurred to me...
Back a few days ago, one night, as I was getting home from work, I saw this lady in red coat walking towards me... while she was still in a distance, I had this thought... "Where is the red flower on her head?" This could have been classified as a simple delusional kinda ideology except for... as I walked past her, I saw over her head the exact red flower I was thinking of...
At the same time, the whole line of psi research and stories I heard from other people seem to be telling me that... such occurrences are nothing magical... though... classified as paranormal...
Events like me thinking of the red flower on that lady's head before I saw it were what were driving me crazy...
And, it was then when that low-latent-inhibition head of mine granted me this epiphany...
I had phrased it wrong when I said... "I am trapped by time."
Rather, the question that was really boiling inside of me has nothing to do with time itself at all... instead, the question was... "Is my view of how 'time' works simply a manifestation of conditioning?"
Is it really true that the past is the cumulative mass of the once-upon-a-time present, the present as moments fleeting away- never at hand, and, the future as the big unknown?
So they said... you can't see what you don't know...
What it be like shall the unfolding of time represent in orders more than the usual sequences of past-present-future? What if the only reason why we see the alternatives not is because we are conditioned the same way them doggies had been--- those of Pavlov?
One more time... I brought myself back to the above video starting from 2:08... 8-O lol
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