Defeats

It was a funny day...

The day I came to senses with myself....

It was last night... when I made the posting about how we might take a detour in life to reach where we might come to be... in terms of being able for people with mental health condition to achieve what they want to achieve...

Today, I still believe in the comments I have made the day before...

Then, today, I revisited this posting made by someone who stated that he or she has to quit school for some time...

I rethought about it and I realise...

It was one of the lesson that I have never learned... or mastered...

It is my MO to push things through...

Continue living my life... regardless how my condition might be...

I push it through and I didn't want to look back...

Yet, like how the song goes...

It take more strength to cry and admit defeat...

I have never really had the strength to come face to face with myself and face the defeats in life....

I simply push through and did not want to look back.

Then, when rethinking about the statement of that other person, I came to the realisation...

Why does it take so long a time for me to come to such a realisation?

All these years of, perhaps, grilling... why couldn't I simply admit that those have been the bad times?

What is so difficult for me to admit them as the bad times?

Why did I have to insist on being strong and break?

Why couldn't I simply let myself be in touch of the circumstance, let myself bend and admit to myself that...

So the time is...

The bad time....

Could this be one of the optimal lessons that I shall grasp?

And, why does it take so long... the realisation to find...

The time, presumably, wasted away in disability and pain... within which my life was put to a stop... in addition to the ensuing worsening of my mental state...

Why couldn't I grasp, even remotely, a life lesson simple as that?

To summarise today's finding...

Shall you unfortunately be one with the propensity for some kind of breakdown in whatever propensity...

It is OK to admit the defeat and step down temporarily....

Ain't no nothing wrong about it...

Regardless where you are and who you are...

It is a lesson I finally come to grasp... after all these years of trying to stand still in the face of ups and down...

A lesson afforded by life and its circumstances....

So I thought of this comment someone made when I asked this question...

"Why is it so hard for me to move on and live a life everyone else's lead? What does God want from me?"

Such was the response I got...

"Perhaps God is not quite sure what to do with you..." 8-O

So I pondered...

Perhaps, it might have something to do with my inability to learn to admit them inconvineinces in life....

Perhaps, so is the reason why Ratology has to reload and the same reason why ratology is reloading.... wherever I am and wherever I might be....

The most important thing is that...

Today, I shade a tears or two... Tomorrow, I know I will be fine...

Today, I ponder about where to find someone who could love me so that I could get married and get da green card.... Tomorrow, I know somehow I shall be fine... 8-O lol

Or, is there ever a lesson to be learned?