Incurable and envious

As I was walking down the block yesterday, this thought came to me... maybe not for the first time...

I have this incurable propensity to self-deconstruct...

Not to self-destruct but to self-deconstruct...

It feels as if, while normal people are granted with the congenital right to build up and establish (I guess), some natural force constantly pushes me towards the other way...

Bewildered... Why?

Other than crazy does crazy does...

I guess I still envy them... normal.. Something tells me that I am allowed to envy them.

Where would be the end? Don't tell me till where there exist no thoughts for there won't be no nothing to deconstruct no more... 8-O lol