the thing about 200 mg

I went to see my shrink today after taking only 150 mg last night....

It was not like I sparked up like a morning star over night... Rather, 7-8 hours after I took the meds and having slept for over 6-7 hours... I was not really yet awake.

I told him that, during the day time, I have been able to go from reading 2-3 words to 5 or more words. In addition, I seem to be able to think better as the day gets old and Seroquel gets low in my system.

The doctor suspected that I might be starting to develop negative symptoms and the change to clozapine... something that seems to work better with negative symptoms except for, in rare cases, users might get some rare blood disease.

I politely rejected his suggestion based on the argument that "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." He thought I meant clozapine was a new drug and ensured me that it actually has been one of the oldest atypical antipsychotic drug. Unfortunately, what I meant is that I am an old dog and the new drug would be like new tricks to me. In addition, I seem to have the propensity to encounter a lot of experiences otherwise classified as impossibilities.

Moreover, I have improved from 2-3 words to 5 or so.... The reduction of 50 mg did make an improvement... however small it might be....

Most importantly, if what we are observing are the development of "negative symptoms" associated with psychosis and even if Seroquel doesn't work so well with negative symptoms, the severity of negative symptoms should either become more intensified as the day gets late or remain constant. However, the "nagative symptoms" seem to get less severe... which seems to indicate that there is a fairly high likelihood that the symptoms might be more associated with Seroquel since its half life is 6 hours.

There after...

There went the idea of clozapine again...

I suggested 150 mg since it did make me feel lighter... a phenomenon I can't quite describe yet in words... except for... lighter... Since I told him the last time that if the dosage is to become lower, I am willing to add something more... I suggested 150 mg Seroquel with Lithium.

The doctor suggested to add 300 mg of Lithem in addition to 150 mg Seroquel.

So I asked while a bit confused...

"So Lithium is a mood stabiliser?"

"Yes."

"Already my affects have been flat and we are going to add a mood stabiliser? In addition, if the mood stabiliser is to make my already flat affect even flatter, when I come back next time and if I continue to report flat affect, is this going to be use as the evidence that I am really developing negative symptoms while we wouldn't really know where the negative symptoms originates from-- be it from the meds or not?"

"If insisting on introducing Lithium, I won't be able to report back to you about how exactly the drugs are having an effect on me since I have no idea what Lithium would do to me.

At the end, we settled for 200 mg seroquel only.

As we were closing up, I had this epiphany....

OMG... I could think...

The question: is it a manifestation of the increased cognitive ability as a result of the 100 mg decrease in Seroquel, or, is it simply due to the fact that... I have done it for so many a year... simply pattern matching... no need to think?

And... Oh... God... the verbal diarrhea... the difference 100 mg makes..... provided observable increased level of positive symptoms.

Guess nothing is perfect in life.