Quota

It is funny how I used to say that God keeps a credit check..... we all are given a certain quota of everything... when you exceed the quota,

You see, it came to my attention that the walks that I take are beneficial to my being... the long and mostly thoughtless walks...

Later on, I discovered that it is possible to do my swinging exercise along the way and it seems to help even better....

The only thing is.... I guess it might sort of look really strange to passersby.... since it is not you see everyday people moving their arms around as if they were swimming in the air on the street... Yet, I suspect that, for people on Broadway, many might think they have been seeing some strange Asian female walking up and down with arms floating around as if she were a fly... 8-O lol

At the some point, you do feel a bit awkward. Then, you think to yourself... "Anyways, this is New York".... insinuating to yourself that there are enough odd balls on the street and it ain't quite matter an extra like me...

Then, one day, as I was walking down the blocks with my mama and this other Taiwanese lady, I bumped into this girlfriend of mine and she mentioned something about the movement of my arms if not my body.

Without thinking, especially when I couldn't really think anyways then, I heard myself replied...

"I have given up pretending I am normal."

Today, as I was taking my walk again on the sunny side of the street, with mostly nothing in my head and bewildered by the feeling that things seem to be slowing down inside of me, this thought occurred to me... something that must have occurred to me before except for it might have just flashed through like them ships passing in the sea...

How funny is it!

I have spent all these years walking around with all different kind of strange symptoms while trying my best to, at least, look normal.

I have intended to, at least, look normal.

However, what really seems to help now is for me to simply be even more "obviously" abnormal... (at least that's what I would think shall I see myself walking down the street) 8-O lol

It is as if there is a quota system out there--- you could run but you could not hide.

All these years, I fight to be normal or, at least, strive to appear to be as normal as most of them people that I consider as normal... Perhaps, I also challenge repeatedly the concept of normality... etc... Only to realise today how entrapped I have been by normality because.... otherwise, there wouldn't be a reason to fight against the concept itself...

Perhaps, I did do a pretty good job appearing to be normal.... and this is the reason why something's gotta give so that I could make up for the quota of life.

At the same time, perhaps and again, I have never truly accepted my "abnormality" and I am well endowed with learning disabilities. This is the reason why whatever might be out there decided that the only way to help me learn is to grant me even more of the ab-normal stuffs to help me achieve the learning goal (though not really a learning goal that I would bargain for).

Wouldn't it be so ironic shall this be true? The never-ending running away from what you, if I can put it this way and not quite sure whether this is the way to put it... needed most.... 8-O 8-X

Why trying so hard to work on what you might be not, perhaps?

Then, in thoughtlessness, I had this thought...

There ain't no way for me to be reading anything at walk...

It reminded me of the good old times... The time when I would be exercising in the gym while doing whatever reading possible.... even when walking down the tracks... if plausible...

What it be like... quota exceeded...

A chronic state of thoughtless being is what it would take to set back the records straight... Sort of like the policy of facebook.... there is a limit to how many friends you could delete per day.... It takes time to get the record reset... 8-O lol

Quota... so I thought... Quota...

Or, simply some more of my useless mumble jumble for no good cause... 8-O lol

Regardless, something in my head today.