Happy third round (Who I am)

Still working on coding further.  These are what I get so far.  I will working on fine tuning these codes after I am done process this set of data.

An interesting observation in this subset of data, the emergence of the code coined as "Find your core."

Code generation history: StrategieS (First iteration)+getting things done (Second iteration)+Who I am (Third iteration)+Could do Ordinary thing (Fourth iteration)+Other (fifth iteration)

Who I am contains 41 sources and 42 references.

How am I viewed?

Ratopia

Why is it strange that I am happy?

Be honest-- happy?, Cracking 

Why am I happy?

Something about happiness, A loving trip, Birthday 3

Happiness make you feel ____

I feel beautiful, 

Preferences

Impaired Metacognition: Part I, The contribution of medications, The good old days,

 Happy depressive, The other parts of 99.9 percent, Simple,

What did I do to make myself happy?

Help yourself to think happy

Able to stop

The question from citations

Accept it and rise above it

The way we were..., The sick and the disabled, Dance to, Dumb and dumber

Accept that somethings won't be the same

Single as Lucy... a... hhhhh

Appreciation (gain, regain)

Joy Comes in the Morning, Head, Something about happiness , Dumb down to the lowest common denominator, I have to, Regain 

Be honest.  Stop lying especially to yourself.

Honesty

Be thankful and be thankful of your ability to do so.

Happy New Year, I have to, 3 dollars left, Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Perk, Lesson, Cited 8-O, The other parts of 99.9 percent, Regain, Birthday 3 

Been there, done that.

Ratopia, How long does it take to break a rat?

Do your best.  

The road traversed, How long does it take to break a rat?

Don't take yourself too serious

Laughing, Perk

Find your core
Reset again, Friction, From React Not to Stop, How long does it take to break a rat?, Three issues

Focus on love and loving thoughts

Happy New Year, Club med, Love, Chest

Give it time for the solution to unfold
Bless, Friction

Happier to give than to receive

Accomplishment , The sick and the disabled, 還債: A box of 嘛吉燒

Inner work- 反觀諸己

Bloody week: Bloody Happy, Cycle, To love someone

It will come back

Cognition, Synchronicity, 200 mg, The sick and the disabled

Keep on trying

Pursuit of happiness

Keep on living

Death, Office Party, Laughing

KISS (Keep it simple and stupid) principle

Simple, Lesson, Pursuit of happiness

Let it run through
Mind and body

Let go.  Parsifal

The body moves? , To love someone, Dumb and dumber, The fool, Attributes, From React Not to Stop, Dumb down to the lowest common denominator

Let it be. simply happy

Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Love, Me, Reset again, The way we were..., Happy depressive, Birthday 3, Cracking

Look for people in worst off state (everybody's got their issue 8-O lol) 

Discrimination

No regret.

The road traversed

Nothing so grand to kill thyself for

Perk

Ordinary stuffs
Curious scenario: in love

See happy people, animal and everything else happy

I have to, Laughing, Regain 

Talk to Honest friends
Discrimination

Take it as a compliment if you can

again-- to live, 3 dollars left

Tell other people about happiness

What I want to be like at 90

Celebrate life

Do things to make you happy

Avoid doing things that make you not happy

Suffering, Wind,  Three issues

Be with loving people

Office Party, Laughing, Book

Do cultural things

GINA: Gallery of International Naive Art, Happy Cows: Slavko Stolnik, Love lost, My kind of art , Year of Cow or Ox, Artwork of Edward Hicks, Ivan Generalic's horses

Enjoy food

基隆廟口夜市螃蟹羹 (Crab thick soup at Keelung Night Market) 

Exercise

New Phase, High, Habitat, Me

Getting something done

Commencement, The theme (if only I could), My Blog and I, Productive Day, Back to Work, Software, Another day in nicotine withdrawal,Comedy,  Cited 8-O, Book

Painting

Happy Picture, Doubts, Little painting, My kind of art 

Paper art

Origami, Swinging State: 150 mg

Trick the Brain (Biofeedback and put a smile on your face)

Life is a piece of shit… (Oops, pardon me for my foul language), Depressed

Try new things

Book, Something about happiness, Another first time in my life..., Productive Day

Nothingness 空

Haven't done my blah blah blah about 空 or, I suppose, nothingness..

For some time, I refrain from entertaining 空 because, every time I touch 空, I would go into the institutionalizable grade of 空 a 空.... 8-O lol 8-X

Can't touch this...



So I though just now...

Ain't quite necessary entertaining it now since... 既是空,有什麼好想?  What is to think about since ain't no nothing to think about?! 8-O lol

Happiness and love

For the longest time, I have a bias about happiness...

Where there is happiness, there often are also sentiments of love... all kinds of love and loving stuffs.

Going back

One thing making me feel pretty guilty nowadays is that...

While I am in Taipei, plowing away... slow and stop... going back...

In New York, my loving Americans have been working hard and worrying bad... when are you coming back... trying to bring me back...

If you ask me, I do want to go back.

So I read somewhere... sometimes when there are things you can't do, let others do it...

Yet, since I can only do with I can do and there ain't nothing much I could do, whether I could go back, I would have to rest on my America to bring me back... sort of like... each every time...  (in addition, God, Buddha and all else with exceptional abilities 8-O lol)

God bless my America.

In the meanwhile, I keep on moving on in my way and within my capacities.

A nice song for my America...

So they say

So they say...

Sometimes you will have to go back in order to move on.

So, over two years ago, strangely, I went back to the US...

Over two years later, I came back to Taiwan...

Something tells me... coming back to Taipei ain't far enough...

This is why, I am back to reloading Ratology... though I didn't want to go back and it took me months if not years to finally reach the point to go back... the even more fledgling versions of Ratprincess to visit.

The most unbearable to revisit... Down with Meds up to around the accident... and... the time leading to my hospitalization in Feb. 2008...

Sometimes, I wish there exist a machine which would allow me to go visit them Ratprincesses in parallel universes or in this universe except at different points on the time line.

I want to tell them... look at me...

I am doing fine because you are doing your best and you are fine.

(Why da sentiment?  What it be like... it's yet another Ratprincess with similar intention me to visit? 8-O lol sigh)

Happy second round (add get things done)

Code generation history: StrategieS (First iteration)+getting things done (Second iteration)+Who I am (Third iteration)+Could do Ordinary thing (Fourth iteration)+Other (fifth iteration)

getting things done contains 10 sources and 10 references.


Why am I happy?

Something about happiness

What did I do to make myself happy?

Get used to it and rise above it
The way we were..., The sick and the disabled

Inner work- work on yourself
Bloody week: Bloody Happy

Getting something done

Commencement, The theme (if only I could), My Blog and I, Productive Day, Back to Work, Software, Another day in nicotine withdrawal,Comedy,  Cited 8-O

Able to stop

The question from citations

Happier to give than to receive

Accomplishment , The sick and the disabled

Avoid doing things that make you not happy

Suffering

Keep on trying

Pursuit of happiness

KISS (Keep it simple and stupid) principle

Simple, Lesson, Pursuit of happiness

Trick the Brain (Biofeedback and put a smile on your face)

Life is a piece of shit… (Oops, pardon me for my foul language), Depressed

Don't take yourself too serious

Laughing, Perk

Be thankful and be thankful of your ability to do so.

Happy New Year, I have to, 3 dollars left, Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Perk, Lesson, Cited 8-O

Focus on love and loving thoughts

Happy New Year, Club med, Love

Be with loving people

Office Party, Laughing, Book

Take it as a compliment if you can

again-- to live, 3 dollars left

See happy people, animal and everything else happy

I have to, Laughing

Nothing so grand to kill thyself for

Perk

Keep on living

Death, Office Party, Laughing

Accept that somethings won't be the same

Single as Lucy... a... hhhhh

It will come back

Cognition, Synchronicity, 200 mg, The sick and the disabled

Tell other people about happiness

What I want to be like at 90

Celebrate life

Let it be. simply happy

Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Love, Me, Reset again, The way we were...

Try new things

Book, Something about happiness, Another first time in my life..., Productive Day

Do cultural things

GINA: Gallery of International Naive Art, Happy Cows: Slavko Stolnik, Love lost, My kind of art , Year of Cow or Ox, Artwork of Edward Hicks, Ivan Generalic's horses

Painting

Happy Picture, Doubts, Little painting, My kind of art 

Paper art

Origami, Swinging State: 150 mg

Enjoy food

基隆廟口夜市螃蟹羹 (Crab thick soup at Keelung Night Market) 

Exercise

New Phase, High, Habitat, Me

Appreciation (gain, regain)

Joy Comes in the Morning, Head, Something about happiness , Dumb down to the lowest common denominator 

Can't you stop blaming?

Came across some older postings... blaming this, blaming that, this and that... blah blah blah... oh... blah blah blah...

I went...

"Man... aren't you sick and tired of blaming?" 8-O lol

The rite of passage... I guess...

Perhaps, you just gotta go 怨天尤人 to your heart's content till da fountain of speech runs dry and you eventually shall be done.

Happy first round (Strategies)

I went through all things relating to the concept of happy these past week or two with Nvivo and Blogger.

At the first round, I went in and created some broad categories about these contents and came up with "Could do ordinary things", "Getting things done or not", "How you are viewed", "Other (people, things), "Who I am", and "Strategies".

These are but some preliminary way of classification and might not have any real meaning after a few iterations.  At the same time, this first round does allow me to filter out some stuffs as well as giving me a picture about the role of (un)happy, (un)happily, (un)happiness in both blogs.

Today or last night, I decided to look further at what I might have done, consciously or unconsciously to be happy.

I went and did some primarily coding on the 48 references from 43 source for "Strategy."

The purpose:  Something still refrains me to speaking of contribution kinda blah blah blah and I can't fight this feeling that, once I start thinking along this line, the process might stall.  Through out the entire time, I keep this in the back of my mind... understanding how I might have made myself feel happy might help me stay on the track of being happy.

The limitations: Things don't always work all the time.  For instance, when you are depressed like a dog and feel so miserable that you would bring your disabled behind to church so as to call God a Sxdxstic Bxstxr, you might simply have to live through being unhappy temporarily and come back to do the happy thing later.  Give yourself a break sometime.  It is ok to be miserable if you are feeling really miserable... though don't let it go too long if possible and hopefully, one can always find something nice to do for oneself.

Following are some themes I came up so far.

Of course, some of them could simply fall under the umbrella of taking perspectives but... going out to eat now.. 8-O lol

I will apply them on the remaining references and sources later on.

Code generation history: StrategieS (First iteration)+getting things done (Second iteration)+Who I am (Third iteration)+Could do Ordinary thing (Fourth iteration)+Other (fifth iteration)

Why am I happy?
Something about happiness

What did I do to make myself happy?

Happier to give than to receive
Accomplishment 

Avoid doing things that make you not happy
Suffering

Keep on trying
Pursuit of happiness

KISS (Keep it simple and stupid) principle
Simple, Lesson

Trick the Brain (Biofeedback and put a smile on your face)
Life is a piece of shit… (Oops, pardon me for my foul language), Depressed

Don't take yourself too serious
Laughing, Perk

Be thankful and be thankful of your ability to do so.
Happy New Year, I have to, 3 dollars left, Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Perk, Lesson

Focus on love and loving thoughts
Happy New Year, Club med, Love

Be with loving people
Office Party, Laughing, Book

Take it as a compliment if you can
again-- to live, 3 dollars left

See happy people, animal and everything else happy
I have to, Laughing

Nothing so grand to kill thyself for
Perk

Keep on living
Death, Office Party, Laughing

Accept that somethings won't be the same
Single as Lucy... a... hhhhh

It will come back
Cognition, Synchronicity, 200 mg

Tell other people about happiness
What I want to be like at 90

Celebrate life

Let it be. simply happy
Happy: Purple Cow Grade, Love, Me, Reset again

Try new things
Book, Something about happiness, Another first time in my life...

Do cultural things
GINA: Gallery of International Naive Art, Happy Cows: Slavko Stolnik, Love lost, My kind of art , Year of Cow or Ox, Artwork of Edward Hicks, Ivan Generalic's horses

Painting
Happy Picture, Doubts, Little painting, My kind of art 

Paper art
Origami, Swinging State: 150 mg

Enjoy food
基隆廟口夜市螃蟹羹 (Crab thick soup at Keelung Night Market) 

Exercise
New Phase, High, Habitat, Me

Appreciation (gain, regain)
Head, Something about happiness , Dumb down to the lowest common denominator 

OMG... Why art thou hier?!

Been trying to figure out what makes me happy this past few years since I woke up....

Or... waking up again and finally awake since the first time I woke up was something like 5-6 o'clock when I sneezed my head off so bad that I thought it would never stop.

Allergy still...

Did get back to sleep...

So I have been working on Nvivo and this blog...

All of a sudden, I saw this pill cutter sitting next to the computer.

Something told me to open it... not because them voices overflowing blah blah blah...

I opened it up... a half and two qua... freshly cut up from a whole pill last night... and how I have admired myself for the perfect cut in da two bits of qua..

But... OMG... Why art thou hier?! 8-O 8-O 8-O

First night without meds, so far... feeling fine... actually better than yesterday morning...

The discovery... right after I was bitching to myself about... "Man, you went from 600 mg to 150 mg in something like 6 months last year.  A year later, you are only down from 150 to 12.50-ish?"

Since it is already 2 something... might have to wait till later tonight to take my meds.

The health benefits of Nvivo running really slow

Because the Nvivo file I worked with is 450 mb, it runs extremely slow when you close out an internal after making some of the most minute modifications or when you are saving the file.  It is so slow that you figure it might have crashed... though it did crashes many a time.

One thing I need to give credit to Nvivo is... the slowness is in-discriminative... it doesn't matter whether you coded a thousand thing or simply deleted a few letters.  lol

However, it is dependent on the size of your internal and the number of codes.

At the beginning, I will be waiting impatiently and, perhaps, blame everyone on the planet for the torment I have to go through... the waiting time.

After a while, I started stand up and do some of my swinging thing... exercise a bit and get back on to the computer when it is ready.

Perfect, better than sitting in front of the machine the entire day since I do spend a good chunk of my day in front of computer anyways.

Stupid me... I think QSR did it for a purpose... 8-O lol

Also?

Some people might think that... why do I use the word "also" in strange places so very often?

Like... this also..

Well, to clarify... sometimes, my also are actually the Japanese sounding German "also"...

Also.... 8-O lol

Face changing Michael- A tale of a convict in Taiwan

A guy in jail decided to add some dance component to his performance when learning 四川變臉 (Face Changing Show) though he didn't know how to dance at the beginning.

Following clip shows you the result a year or two after... or nowadays... please pay attention to his face...



During an interview, he indicated that maybe he might switch to the entertainment industry when he finally could go on probation in 2013.

Good luck to him!

Big head disease 大頭病

Was thinking...

Woody Allen is wrong again...

Among the human sins, the most dangerous and most tempting is actually... 大頭病... Big head disease...

Think about it... the entire Ratology so far... the core of sufferings shall there be sufferings.. 一個大頭而已... 8-O lol

My working experiences... according to google translation

Having been eating 老本 for the past 3 years or so... time to get out to make some money... especially when the happy chapter of my life seems to be shaping up...

Then, I encounter, again, one thing I have been trying to run away from... called...

Translating my own resume...

Well... tried to cheat using google translation...

When trying to clean it up...

科技英語教育和掃盲?

When did I ever do anything associated with blindness?

Ended up... it has something to do with... "Technology and Literacy in English Education".

A few lines lower... 勾結公共學校人員及教師... 8-O

Collaborated with both public school personnel and faculty members...

北歐航空?

It is my dream to be a flight attendant... but... I have never even taken a flight with Scandinavian Airlines the entire life...

Also... SAS...

My life all of a sudden turned to be so much more eventful and colorful... according to google...

8-O lol

Smaller pill

Although the new pill cutter I got does a better job in cutting the 50 mg seroquel into qua, it still doesn't to a perfect job...

Got the smallest half last night...

So far... voices flowing around like ghosts as I am going through moments of happy/happy-not-ness in my blog...

Gotta say... pretty annoying...

Tutoring perhaps?

So I have been recuperating since I got back to Taipei... of course... went out and play here and there for a bit...

Then, I finally built up enough courage to look back at my past.. perhaps... so they way... sometimes you have to go back to move on...

Been thinking about finally getting out to make a dime or two... except for... sick here, sick there, uncomfortable here, uncomfortable there... almost like the farm of the old McDonald... lol

The only job-related event I went to... a meeting held by Herbal Life... direct marketing...

Anyways, today seems to be the right time to start...

So I thought... what about tutoring jobs?

When browsing through some listings... I found... native English speakers only... native English speakers only... and... native English speakers only...

Forget about me... who has only lived, studied and blah blah blah in north America for 16 years...

But... ちょっと まって... wait a minute...... where are jobs for Native Taiwanese mastering in English? 8-O lol sigh

On a second thought, speaking of international trading... me like a cockroach the US couldn't get rid off from the longest time while.... American coming to Taiwan... 8-O lol

Karma karma... let it be good karma.. global village... lol

Envy if not jealousy

Sometimes I wonder whether there would be people envious or jealous of me... even if in my dream...

Yet, it is reality.

When looking back at Ratology Down with meds and that ratprincess running up and  down doing everything she wants...

"Man, why your path so much smoother and I have to traverse a painful path?"

At the same time, da rat in Down with Meds might think...

"How come your life so easy... not having to prove yourself with each every breath?" (Just my imagination since I can't go back to interview Ratprincess in Down with Meds.  8-O lol)

Here we go... it is not a dream... I think I might be envious if not jealous of ratprincess... 8-O lol

Questions

Went for a family trip yesterday...

At some point, my nephew said to me...

"Auntie, auntie... I have some questions for you."

"Yes?"

"Are you smart?"

"I don't know."

"What is 1+1?"

"2"

"What is 2+2?"

"4."

"What is 4+4?"

"8."

"What is 8+8?"

"16."

"What is 16+16?"

He went all the way till...

"What is 128+128?"

"256."

Just when I thought he would never end...

"What is the first question I asked you?"

"1....... Are you smart?"

Later last night, this came to my mind...

And, I thought... my memory seems to be back.  8-O lol sigh

Conscience

Later, mom shared some of the lady's stories with me... 

The rehab

The doctors to the lady to put one coin  in one hand and two coins in the stronger hand so as to train her strength.  She got impatient and wanted to do more... One day, she decided to hold 100 dollars (10 taiwanese dollar is sort of the same weight as a quarter in US) and it didn't do no nothing good to her body.

The trauma

She was so devastated about what was going on.  She wanted to get run into by a bus and end her miserable life.  Yet, she was afraid what was to happen to the driver for da driver would have to carry with his/her life the responsibility for her death.

I could sort of understand... the things one might have to go through upon impact... through "upon" has its duration... not simply a point in time.

Her story reminded how I wanted to jump into the Hudson river in a winter's night when I first became a immobile depressive psychotic in excruciating pains.

The only problem...

I was physically incapable of bringing myself to the waterfront.... especially all them slopes and stairs.

In addition, it was too cold... I might have been frozen to death when trying to bring myself to the water.... especially when the cold makes me move even slower...

Also, it would not have been nice to be a floater to scare the hell out of them people enjoying the serene view afforded by nature.

This is why I am busting my head nowadays trying to figure out... how on earth could I be happy without happy pills this time? 8-O lol sigh

You are doing better

Went with my mom to church the other day.

By the time I climbed up them stairs, I was OK but my body was not happy... so I sat at the back row doing whatever I could do to make my body more comfortable.

At some point during the service, this lady came in and walked past me in one of my kind of walk with a smile.

So I thought...

"Poor lady... hope she is OK."

Interesting to find people doing my kind of walk though on the street or under the same roof.

Anyways, we keep on moving..

Towards the end, when she went on the stage because it was her birthday that day.

She spoke of many things... One of the things that she shared was...

"I was not like this.  I have cerebellum atrophy.  The doctors say there is nothing they could do.... I really don't like myself (like this)."

I won't bs you about how I know exactly she felt and feels... But... Ouch.

After her sharing, this preacher I saw for the first time at this church that day came over...

"You said that you don't like yourself.  I have been on this wheelchair for the past 50 years.  You are doing better."

Love's image from Frankl

Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.

(P. 48-49, Frankl)

A thought crossed my mind: I didn't even know if she were still alive. I knew only one thing-- which I have learned well by now: Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance.

(P. 49-50, Frankl)

Had I known then that my wife was dead, I think that I would still have given myself undisturbed by that knowledge, to the contemplation of her image, and that my mental conversation with her would have been just as vivid and just as satisfying, "Set me like a seal upon thy heart, love is as strong as death."

(P. 50, Frankl)

Quotes from The Power of Flow

1. Jung's definition--Synchronicity is the coming together of inner and outer events in a way that cannot be explained by cause and effect and that is meaningful to the observer. P. 14
2. Nelson Mandela: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond meansure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." P. 24
3. The 9 attributes that create the power of flow: Commitment, Honesty, Courage, Passion, Immediacy, Openness, Receptivity, Positivity, Trust P. 47
4. Commitment creates perseverance, discipline and decisiveness. P. 48
5. Honesty: The more authentic we are, the more energy we have, for it simplifies life. Pretending to be who we aren't takes a tremendous amount of energy and makes itself known..... Our source of approval is within, not without; we live up to our own expectations, not those of the other people, and our standards are higher. P. 52
6. Courage: It allows us to risk ridicule to create something new, or to risk rejection when we are being true to our sense of what's right. P. 55
7. Passion: Passion means caring deeply about something beyond ourselves. P. 57
8. Immediacy: Immediacy doesn't mean that we don't plan for the future or learn from the past. But we don't dwell in those places: we just isit them upon occasions. P. 60
9. Openness: When we are open, we waste little energy in warding things off; we do not erect walls between ourselves and the world. Instead, we embrace whatever develops, for we know that everything we experience has value....... Developing this openness requires that we know ourselves well, that we understand what makes us fearful and closes us down, so that we can then move past those reactions. P. 62
10. Receptivity: From that deep quite comes a sure sense of being an integral, intimate part of the movement of larger events that we may only dimly comprehend on a conscious level. P. 65
11. Positivity: In positivity, we seek out the value in every situation, at every turn, emphasize it, and work actively with it. That's not to say that we are Pollyannas or blind to the negative potential of a situation.... We believe everything happens for a reason.... P. 67
12. Trust: ... trust enables us to proceed with absolute certainty into the unknown... (Ratprincess: this is difficult) P. 69
13. The story of Sunny, the compulsive organizer.. It showed her she didn't always have the answers, which meant she could start to let go of her need to always know what came next. P. 82
14. The story of Janet: All I need to do is put out what I have learned. And if people can hear it, then they can hear it. P. 97

Notes from Entangled Minds

1. "New reality" refers to the modern understanding of the interconnected medium in which we live, the fabric of reality as revealed by modern physics. P. 5
2. In a case study reported in 1980 in the journal Science, during a routine examination for a minor medical ailment, a student at Sheffield University in Great Britain was found to have virtually no brain. But that didn't stop him from enjoying an IQ of 126 and graduating with first-class honors in mathematics. P. 13 (A brainless brain--- maybe I am really neumocephalic... 8-O lol)
3. Cold fusion does exist... P. 13 8-O lol
4. Erwin Schrodinger, one of the founders of quantum theory, used the world entanglement to refer to connections between separated particles that persisted regardless of distance. These connections are instantaneous, operating "outside" the usual flow of time. They imply that at very deep levels, the separations that we see between ordinary, isolated objects are, in a sense, illusions created by our limited perceptions. P. 14
5. "Physicists now believe that entanglement between particles exists everywhere, all the time, and have recently found shocking evidence that it affects the wider, 'macroscopic' world that we inhabit.".... Michael Brook... P. 14
6. "Entanglement would lead to a Dawinian advantage: Entanglement could coordinate biochemical reactions in different parts of a cell, or in different parts of an organ. It could allow correlated firings of distant neurons. And... it could coordinate the behavior of members of a species, because it is independent of distance and requires no physical link. It is also conceivable that entanglement correlates processes between members of different species, and even between living systems and the inanimate world." Johann Summhammer. P. 16
7. Concerning premonition about 9/11... "No one wants to walk around with troubling images of disasters rattling around in their heads, so repression is expected." p. 32
8. Latent inhibition.. refers to an unconscious brain process that degrades our ability to pay attention to stimuli that have had no consequences in the past. p. 48
9. Low latent inhibition has been studied extensively in schizophrenic patients because a key symptom of that disease is perceiving meaningful relationships everywhere, even when there aren't any. P. 50
10. .. low latent inhibition is associated with the personality trait "open to experience" which is in turn associated with divergent thinking and creativity. Of course not al creative people are psychotic... 8-O lol P.l 50
11. ... high-creativity group had significantly lower latent inhibition scores than the low-creativity group... greater access to more of what the world presents, and high intelligence helps one successfully navigate through this flood of perception. By contrast, those with low intelligence struggle in vain, and the result may lead to psychosis. P. 51 (didn't I tell you that I am Parsifal... 8-O lol)
12. "for real telepathy would require him to abandon "the fundamental notions on which his whole life has been based." Fear is a common response when one's basic beliefs are challenged. P. 92
13. Hardly anything involving skilled human performance is absolutely predictable, except perhaps stubbornness in the face of evidence one doesn't wish to see. P. 98
14. "It from bit"... to refer to the quantum perspective of how the universe appears to be made out of bits f information rather than bits of matter or energy. John Archibald Wheeler P. 146
15. "Presentiment is that long shadow on the lawn Indicative that suns go down; The notice to the startled grass That darkness is about to pass.".... Emily Dickinson P. 161

I have a dream or two

Hanging with some family friends yesterday...

At some point, it was brought up...

"All the dreams I used to have when I was much younger..."

Now we are hitting our 40s...

I look at my friends, actually well-to-do and who have also done their share of roaming around...

Without out thinking... "You have your two kids..." above and beyond all the things they have now.


So I thought this morning...

I have a dream... or two... or many, perhaps... 8-O lol

One day, I will be symptom free, I will be able to carry my laptop with me and I will have no problem with slopes and stairs.

One day, I will write a happy book.

One day, I will be financially even stable and take my parents traveling all over the world.

And, more, one day, I will...

In the more distance further, I wish... one day... I will be able to run again.

(Of course, won't be so bad to be worth a few millionaire bucks... 8-O lol)

Mental model

Many things I spoke of these past year or two... no answer to them...

As of the summer of 2008, all strange things happening... I say to myself.. Xi, Qi... but I still could not help wanting to understand why... such manifestations...

Fall of 2009, I officially came across grounded theory. All else I could not comprehend or retain when going from 2-3 words... Emerging vs forcing stuck to my mind... partially due to its manifestation as my... auditory hallucination etc.

From then on, one thing I tried really hard to learn is to not force interpretations in until the time comes.

It ain't no easy task since however neumocephalic I might be, disordered thoughts still have this insurmountable kinda ability to come out and put off their shows... as evident in my words.  8-O lol sigh

One thing I wanted to speak of but dare not entertain for the longest time...

As of Oct. 11th of 2010, shall my condition be considered as stable at 12.50 mg or so today, I might owe it to, above and beyond all else, the concept of Xi and emerging v.s. forcing... my something-possibly-saving mental models....

Do I really believe in the specific contents of such mental models and do I think they really work?

After holding it for so long a time, now that I finally don't have the need to test da hypothesis.... another lessons learned... I guess...

At the same time, it's all about what you do with your belief, I guess...

Happy pills

Was told today... so and so also take happy pills like you.

Since people not on meds might have the misconception that all meds for the head are the same, I did not bother to clarify further.

At the same time, since even the manufacturer of the meds don't know how exactly my Seroquel works, I don't have to bother clarifying anything since I don't know jack anyways. lol

Interesting though, as I was going through things about happy in my postings through nvivo...

It occurred to me..

Wow... I almost forgot...

I stopped taking Zoloft since either june or july of 2008...