Friction

Had to finally start putting the supplementary documentations together and try to build a case...


Following the suggestion of my "intuition," I got rid of some records to keep things shorter... given my extensive clinical experiences both physically and mentally....


The first step call "starting" is the toughest part...


I found myself procrastinating... possibly as an act of my defense mechanism... not wanting to go through with it....


I had to talk myself through... "Good girl... You are procrastinating... Let's start putting it together and get done with it OK?


Once you start... you go through all the records... you revisit that painful past one page at a time... one source at a time...


And... you are through with it... coming out with a thought...


Umm.... it seems like I am not the only person really confused about what the hell is going on or has been going on.... or, maybe simply my own misinterpretation... 8-O  lol


Now... Time to summarize it all... still work in process...


The whole process... reminding me friction in physics... you overcome the friction... and you keep on moving on smooth surface....


And, it ain't like me got no insight about what all these efforts are to amount to...



Buying time... so I have been told... and sometimes I think... the time bought is for me to recover... back to the comments of my doctor back in Taiwan...


I asked... "What is the timeline for my recovery?"


So replied the doctor, "Depending on your efforts."


"What should I do?"



"Keep on doing what you have been doing and what helps."


So I spent the whole summer of 2008 doing nothing more than continuing working on learning to walk.


Regardless the outcome... I will be making the best use of the time I bought to recover.... What is the point? All else could or could not work out... that should be the core purpose.


And, this process... reminding me of the process of working on my dissertation... guidance could be sought except for you are the one who has to figure out how you are going to get things work... except for...


You can drop your school and keep on living.


Yet, you do not have the option of dropping your own life's dissertation... for... it's your life... and you can't even hide... 8-O lol sigh


On a second thought... no wonder I kept on having this feeling that something ain't quite right with that completed dissertation of mine... something told me the entire time that the purpose of it is to integrate what I had done and learned so far... Yet, I simply couldn't find a way to integrate it all... And, the matter of the fact, it took getting rid of 2/3 of the excessive data to get it done...


The way it goes... don't tell me that what is required to get this life's dissertation done is to let go of it all... what I once tried so hard to retain and to integrate..... except for da 200 million worth of mega million jackpot, the winning of the green card lottery (8-O), the stupid husband that couldn't find me yet and doesn't know how much he loves me (damn... go get a GPS that works), that perfectly simple job, my craft shop, my happily-here-after life... maybe making 1-2 little ratprincesses as well...  and unfinished projects completed... 8-O lol