I feel beautiful

Rereading even more of my Down with Meds Ratology blog, many thoughts came up in my mind... one of them is... regardless what other people might see and how they feel, I feel beautiful while, in fact, I am not quite sure what I mean by I feel I am beautiful.

The matter of the fact is that... when this good friend of mine came crashing at my place yesterday, she told me, at some point and frankly, "you gained a lot of weight. I remember, when I first met you, you were skinny and energetic."

Yo... too much reality... lol sigh

The only response I could give her is...

The meds are up and I could not go exercise. I could only do as much as I could do given the constraints.

I guess, nothing is impossible except for somethings are not possible... the rest leaves it to mastercard... (liposuction?) 8-O lol

Then, when we all got ready to go night night, she all of a sudden said to me, "You are strong."

It was really funny because then I saw in my mind this strong me broken down into pieces both in body and mind- yet I am still strong... lol

Then, I realize that... perhaps, when I feel myself to be beautiful, it is not only about how I look (although, like what my mama says, my eyes are eyes and nose is nose lol).

Maybe that feeling of being beautiful is actually about my happy smiles and my ability to tune in to love and positive energy while to feel not so weak even when I am a psychotic in a state of hit-by-the-truck kinda depressed who couldn't move too far to fast without taking a rest.

Most importantly, I feel I am beautiful because I could and will keep on trying to hold on to the sunshine inside and make myself feel this way.

And, I feel I am beautiful... :-D (Is this the inverse of Body Dysmorphic Disorder? 8-O lol)

I wish you feel beautiful, too. :-)