Research

A bumped into many friends of mine today on the street... among them, one might have asked, "You doing research?"

Research....

Funny word...

It has been a while since I did an IRB grade kind of research....

Like what I mentioned before... there was once when I had the passion....

The passion is the driver for both the theories and methodologies....

Then, things happen and life goes on....

In a way, I guess, I never stopped the intent to contribute something to our common knowledge....

Except, I guess, I have either been chosen or chose to approach from an alternative way...

I guess, ratology is all I could contribute....

And, all that I could offer is but insider information fully tainted with subjectivity.

Ya, regardless whether there exists bias-free research (ya, like there is no need for you to chose a topic), one thing I am damn sure is all that has come out from my mouth is 100% subjective--- be it this “me,” my “thought-disordered” self or anything otherwise not classified who speak.

At this point, I have to admit that… there is simply no way for me to escape from my "within group" bias.

Ok, so I could tell you that the bereavement kinda theory seems to work pretty well in predicting people's reaction in becoming disabled.

And, OK, so I could tell you that the mental model theory and my version of dual-channel theory seem to work pretty well in explaining how a nut case could eventually be upgraded to be an institutionalizable case, especially when I finally was able to document all those little moments of "dasein" as I was going in and out of the third acute episode that shipped me into the cuckoo cuckoo's nest.

Like what I said to my psychiatrist before things really went wild earlier in the year, I knew the condition was deteriorating and approaching the limit of getting out of control.... However, what was really driving me nuts was my inability to identify how it is exactly wrong as an insider, knowing all of my thoughts as an insider.... So had I coined it... "meta-psychosis".... regardless whether such exists or whether this is a common phenomena for us all who once waited patiently for our daily drugs...

This is the reason why, I guess, I have said so many times... Ratology is not for me... and might even have nothing to do with me... regardless whether I understand what it means...

All that has been posted are but a bunch of mumble jumbles coming out from a chick with the propensity for psychosis, depression and other mishaps in life such as pain and disability and etc... in whatever kind of Dasein moment....

Because I am inevitably trapped within my worldview, shamefully more could I offer you not...

I guess, I am but a collector gathering a random chunk of documentations.

It would take anyone but me to find in Ratology... data.

And, hopefully, some day, data could be found in Ratology.

Then I though… perhaps, for research… passion have I still…. just manifestes in an alternative way…

So ends today's 99.9999...% posting.